House

House: Foreman expects me to read an x-ray on this itty-bitty screen. He should have e-mailed me a larger phone.

Dr. Cuddy: Tell me what you came here for, House. House: I've got a legitimate medical excuse. Dr. Cuddy: You must be so proud. House: I've forgotten it. I guess it's no big deal, since I was only using it as an excuse to come check out Patty and Selma. Dr. Cuddy: I feel bad. I haven't named your testicles. House: Word on the street is you set a new personal best for low-cut. Dr. Cuddy: I don't know why you chose to give them the names of someone's aunts. House: It's a compliment. They're always smokin'.

House: You didn't tell me you were giving a paper. Dr. Wilson: And that is wrong? House: Last time you presented a paper, you gave me an advance paper and asked for feedback. Dr. Wilson: And you're wondering why I wouldn't want to repeat that experience?

House: Oh, look! A 80s party! Just when you think you've left Flock of Seagulls behind in your rearview mirror, suddenly it's up ahead like an undead hitchhiker.

Dr. Wilson: If there's one thing I've learned from you, it's that I should do what I think is right and not worry about the consequences. House: Yeah, it's worked out great for me.

Dr. Wilson: Yes, you can sit her running up my hotel bill, or you can go get the woman of your dreams. House: I didn't know Angela Merkel was attending the conference.

Dr. Wilson: (calling room service) Hello? Uh... I don't know what department I want. Uh, I need... pants.

Dr. Wilson: That was my paper. You don't ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, you drug me. House: I'm waiting for you to name something new to our relationship.