House: (seeing a photo of a fitness trainer) Wow! Muscles and curves. My penis is so confused
Emmy: When I got the surgery, I got healthy, and when I got healthy, I got happy. Taub: I'm not sure you're happy, but if you are, being healthy didn't do it, being pretty did. Poop in the bedpan.
Dr. Cuddy: Any idea why we are getting half as many requests for you as usual? House: Democrats' health care plan?
House: I'm in an elevator, can't run away. Dr. Cuddy: Can't run away anyway. House: That's just mean. Why are we still together? Dr. Cuddy: We are going to our office. House: Pronoun confusion. Starts kicking in once you pass child-bearing age. Dr. Cuddy: Now that's just mean.
Taub: How come you haven't said anything about this? Kutner: It's no big secret. I guess I'm just not very chatty. Taub: You told us when you renewed your subscription to National Geographic.
Dr. Cuddy: Other doctors actually use their offices for crazy stuff like seeing patients. Not throwing a ball against the wall and calling it work. Dr. Wilson: It's his process. That ball saves lives.
Kutner: It's not funny. Taub: It is. You just can't appreciate it because it's gonna destroy your career. House: What happened? He call Foreman "clean and articulate" again? That is surprising.
House: Are you screwing with me? Dr. Cuddy: Are you screwing me? House: That depends on your answer.
Deedee: Did you see their faces? House: I think we may have an anal hygiene violation there.
Dr. Cuddy: My office was recently destroyed. I thought I'd use the office of the doctor directly responsible. House: I think the patient holding a gun to my head was actually the one directly responsible. Dr. Cuddy: My desk won't fit in his cell. You can use our outer office.
Kutner: What's Cuddy doing in your office? House: Other than throwing off the feng shui with her ass that faces all eight sides of the bagua at once? Dr. Cuddy: These walls aren't soundproof. House: I'm well aware.
House: Come on. Before the shrieking harpy melts my brain.
Taub: You're insane. With two days to live. Kutner: House is never gonna to find out. Taub: He will if I tell him… or you cut me in for 30%. Kutner: That's blackmail. Taub: Yes.
(Cuddy is talking on the phone) House: Have you seen my balls? Dr. Cuddy: Um, can you hold on a second? House: My balls. Have you seen my balls? Giant one and a red one. Dr. Cuddy: Your plan isn't gonna work. House: Of course it is. I try to make you miserable to make you leave. You deny that it's making you miserable. You try to make me miserable so I'll stop making you miserable. And eventually you will leave, citing reasons that have nothing to do with misery. Dr. Cuddy: You're not bothering me. House: Step one complete. Dr. Cuddy: I'm gonna call you from my cell. (Cuddy hangs up the phone) And then I will come back in here. (Cuddy dials her cell phone) Hey. Yeah, I just had to explain to him that I had his balls and he's not getting them back. (Cuddy pats House on his arm) 'scuse me.
Dr. Wilson: Don't take his office and pretend like all you're doing is taking his office. You chose his room because you want to be there. But, sitting near him and hoping isn't gonna get it done. Dr. Cuddy: Leave here now, or I'll take your office.
Taub: I don't think sabotaging your boss' office is a wise counterattack. House: All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.
Taub: Why aren't we doing this in your office? House: Obviously because it would be stupid to do this in an office with no furniture. Cuddy… overreacted to my overreaction.
Dr. Wilson: You did do the math on this, right? Screwing with her office means the renovations will take longer. Means she will be in your office longer. House: See there? I'm having a bidet put in instead of a toilet. Not in addition to, instead of. You want to know what happened to the old toilet? Dr. Wilson: She'll be with you, where you claim to not want her. House: I smashed it with a sledgehammer. Dr. Wilson: I think in some ancient cultures that was actually considered a proposal of marriage.
House: Where are you going? Thirteen: Sorry. Treatment. House: Does Foreman schedule your appointments by numbers on the clock or just by when I'm in the middle of something? Thirteen: Sorry if I'm dying at a bad time for you.
House: You're not stopping me for medical reasons. You're stopping me… because you have the hots for me. Dr. Cuddy: You're still here because you have the hots for me.
Taub: House is gonna kill us. (House comes up behind them) House: Slowly… and painfully.
Original International Air Dates: Latin America: February 12, 2009 on Universal Channel The Netherlands: March 12, 2009 on SBS 6 Denmark: May 23, 2009 on Kanal 4 Germany: September 8, 2009 on RTL Poland: October 1, 2009 on TVP2 Slovakia: October 27, 2009 on STV1 Czech Republic: November 9, 2009 on TV Nova Sweden: December 1, 2009 on TV4
Music: Coconut (Harry Nilsson)
House: She sends one of yours to the hospital, send one of hers to the morgue. Referencing the 1987 movie The Untouchables, a remake/update of the 1959 TV series of the same name. Sean Connery plays Jim Malone, a veteran policeman, who helps Eliot Ness bring Al Capone to justice. The line references Malone's advice to Ness about responding to the Mob's escalation with more escalation.
House: What else floats? Correct answer is a duck. Referencing the 1975 movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail The line echoes the explanation Sir Bedevere gives for determining how to detect a witch. Since witches float and ducks float, Bedevere detects a witch by weighing her and seeing if she has the same weight as a duck.
Taub: But I wouldn't call a meeting of the Lollipop Guild and tell them they can grow if they work real hard at it. Referencing L. Frank Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (1900) and subsequent movie adaptation. The Lollipop Guild of Munchkinland welcomes Dorothy to Oz when she first touches down.
S 8 : Ep 22
Aired 5/21/12
S 8 : Ep 21
Aired 5/14/12
S 8 : Ep 20
Aired 5/7/12
S 8 : Ep 19
Aired 4/30/12
User Score: 7158
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