Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Dr. Eric Foreman
Dr. Gregory House
Dr. James Wilson
Dr. Robert Chase
Dr. Allison Cameron
When House is watching baseball in the clinic, the sound of the ball being hit is that of a metal bat even though they use wooden bats in the major leagues
Annette mentions Harvey was seen by an acupuncturist who diagnosed Liver Qi stagnation and sent Harvey to a Shen balancer. No practitioner in this area would do such thing as 1) Liver Qi stagnation isn't treated by balancing the Spiritual Aspect Shen and 2) any competent acupuncturist is capable of dealing with the situation and should easily move the Liver Qi to resolve such stagnation.
House: Me, I'm a freak. I get off on not being in pain. That and chocolate-covered marshmallow bunnies.
House: (after getting covered with what he thinks is urine) Damn it! Who the hell walks around with an open urine sample!?
Kid: I'm sorry, I didn't... (runs away)
Dr. Wilson: You think that was a bit of an overreaction?
House: Well, he peed on me. I'm not into that.
Dr. Cameron: I have one evening with you--one chance--and I don't want to waste it talking about what wines you like or what movies you hate. I wanna know... how you feel... about me?
House: You live under the delusion that you can fix everything that isn't perfect. That's why you married a man who was dying of cancer. You don't love, you need, and now that your husband is dead, you're looking for your new charity case, that's why you're going out with me. I'm twice your age, I'm not great looking, I'm not charming, I'm not even nice. What I am is what you need... I'm damaged.
Dr. Chase: (to Cameron, after House's snide remark) Yeah, I get it. House is adorable. I just wanna hold him and never let go.
House: Chase. Did you know about this woman? What she does?
Dr. Chase: I met her at some parties, yeah.
House: I wouldn't have tortured you if I knew you liked it.
Dr. Wilson: (to House) Holy...you gave the guy a stroke?
Patient: Wait…she's making you do her?
House: Date her.
Dr. Wilson: Young ingénue doctor falling in love with gruff, older mentor; her sweet gentle nature bringing him to a closer, fuller understanding of his wounded heart.
House: This is a mistake. I don't know how to have casual conversation. You think you're talking about one thing, and either you are and it's incredibly boring, or you're not because it's subtext and you need a decoder ring.
Dr. Cuddy: You lied to them!
Mrs. Park: He told us our son was dead.
House: It's only a white lie. Technically, all I did was call them a little early. Trust me, he'll be dead real soon. Actually, I saved you some rush-hour traffic.
House: (to an elderly woman) Ramona. You naughty girl. You've either got yourself an 18-year-old boyfriend or an 80-year-old with some little blue pills.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, and if you need condoms, I've got some.
House: Did your wife give them to you?
Dr. Wilson: Drug rep. They've got antibiotics built in...somehow.
House: I have been on a date...
Dr. Wilson: Not since disco died.
Dr. Foreman: I think you should go with your instincts here – be a jerk.
House: I'm missing my soap for this?
Dr. Foreman: Hey, I've been on the scene more than you recently . . .
House: Way ahead of you. I've got a case of malt liquor stashed in the trunk, Mr. Marvin Gaye on the CD - we are going to get all the way down.
House: Two bad accountants from the Pacific Rim? The odds are astronomical.
Clinic Lawyer: So what's that - two strokes you've scared this guy into?
House: Yeah - it's making me question my view of myself as a people person.
House: (to Cameron) Regarding wardrobe, are you too young to remember spandex?
House: Sorry – we tried your way, you could not have been wronger.
Dr. Foreman: I said Chase was probably right.
House: Oh, yeah – we've all got 20/20 hindsight.
Dr. Cuddy: I heard about Dr. Cameron's conditions for coming back to work.
House: It's purely business. I'll make sure you get the receipt.
Dr. Cuddy: Well, I think it's a good thing. What happened in your last relationship, it's no reason to wall yourself off from people forever. Five years of self-pity is probably enough.
House: Wow. Well, you've certainly given me a lot to think about. If only I was as open as you.
Dr. Cuddy: Well...
House: Actually, it was your blouse I was talking about.
Dr. Cuddy: Bear in mind, Cameron's probably the only female who could tolerate you. Wear the sky-blue shirt. It almost makes you look nice.
Myron: You got a pharmacy around here?
House: In the hospital? Could be – let's see if we can find it.
Myron: You Dr. House?
House: I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but...yes.
Dr. Chase: I said I thought it was a trauma-induced aneurysm.
House: Yeah, it could have carried a tad more weight if you'd mentioned the "liking pain" thing. You're on my naughty list – sorry, no leather stethoscope this Christmas.
Dr. Foreman: Yeah, why would you want to be in a relationship that's so obviously going to lead to pain?
Dr. Cameron: Shut up!
Ramona: Hi – I'm having vaginal pain.
House: Pleasure to meet you.
Ramona: My ob-gyn died recently. Nice man. Warm hands.
House: Not anymore.
Dr. Cameron: (House) agreed to go on a date with me.
Dr. Foreman: A date? Date, dinner & a movie, naked and sweaty date?
Dr. Cameron: He only committed to the first two.
Dr. Foreman: (House) scared a guy into stroking out?
Dr. Wilson: Does that surprise anyone here?
Dr. Cameron: House practically begged me to come back.
Dr. Foreman: Please tell me you took him to the cleaners.
Dr. Cameron: Same lousy salary.
Chase: Then why'd you do it?
House: Because this is the happiest place on Earth.
The song in the closing scene (House looking at the old picture of a past love) is "Some Devil" by Dave Matthews.
Chase: So the bear wipes himself with the rabbit.
This is the punchline of a joke Eddie Murphy told in his stand-up show Delirious.
Dr. Wilson: You're going to look like Lou Costello.
Referencing the comedian and partner of Bud Abbott.
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