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House: You're in a downward spiral of destruction.
Thirteen: I can stop.
House: You're gonna keep spiraling, screwing around, keep slashing away at every person who tries to help until no one tries to help anymore. Until you hit bottom. Until you're dead. But, until then, I can use you.
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House: (about Wilson) He is the one who needs to be saved...
Lucas: From you or the ho?
House: The ho is just using him for his money. Wait, it was a bad example.
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Thirteen: I get it. I was wrong. Can we move on?
House: You are just upset. Because all time she was with you, she was thinking about my huge, throbbing... diagnostic skills.
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Dr. Wilson: (about the prostitute) Best 30 dollars I ever spent
House: Thirty? Did you keep her number?
Dr. Wilson: Unfortunately I killed her and buried her in the basement.
House: Shame. Hungry?
Dr. Wilson: Yeah.
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Thirteen: Retinal vein occlusion was fixed. Her doctor said it was a venous anomaly
House: Is he in this room? Because if he's not, I don't care what he thinks. Unless he's a she and she was there last night too, in which case I care very deeply.
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House: Thirteen, go stick a needle in your girlfriend's pelvis. And no, that one wasn't a metaphor. Suck out some marrow. That one was.
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Thirteen: I can handle this alone.
House: You've already handled it. That's why you need a chaperone. Of course, I'm a very permissive understanding chaperone. So feel free to ignore me. You know, if you're in the mood to start kissing, or groping, or showering.
Thirteen: You'll have to excuse Dr. House. He mistakes immaturity for edginess.
Spencer: You're Dr. House?
House: I assume my name came up last night in the form of a moan.
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Dr. Foreman: There are ways to getting to know people without committing felonies.
House: People interest me, conversations don't.
Dr. Foreman: Because conversations go both ways.
House and Dr. Foreman: Like Thirteen.
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House: There's eight units in this building. There's got to be a pervert like me living in at least one of them.
Lucas: Yes, because you represent one out of every eight people living in this country.
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Dr. Foreman: I just spoke to my brother.
House: And by "brother" you mean…
Dr. Foreman: I mean my parent's other son.
House: Wow. Same dad.
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House: I haven't sat on this couch for four months. It remembers my cheeks.
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Dr. Wilson: House, you are a drug addict. You go to prostitutes. You can't be judgmental.
House: And yet.
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House: (talking about Wilson) He's an idiot with a messiah complex. Savior to all who need saving. That's why his first wife had a wooden leg. Second wife was Canadian.
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Spencer: How long do you have?
Thirteen: Maybe a little more than you. Maybe a little less. I'll race you.
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Dr. Foreman: Do you think… I'm boring?
Dr. Chase: Yes.
Dr. Foreman: You're saying that just to screw with me.
Dr. Chase: Yeah. Why would you expect anything else?
Dr. Foreman: I expect House to pull my string, I expect Cameron to make me feel better, I expect the new team to kiss my ass, and I expect you to be honest, 'cause you don't give a crap.
Dr. Chase: Yes, you're boring. That speech was boring.
Dr. Foreman: Thanks so much.
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Dr. Wilson: I'm actually kind of insulted. No way I'm a drug addict, but you completely buy that I fell in love with a prostitute?
House: You played to your strengths. By which I mean you played to your weaknesses. Oh my god. You invoked your dead girlfriend's name to sell me. You're my hero.
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House: Another life saved by girl-on-girl action.
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House: Oh yeah, Penthouse Forum meets medical mystery. Maybe there is a God.