House

Dr. Wilson: You're giving false hope to a family that's been wrecked; don't torture them. Let it go, tell the wife it was only a grunt, tell her to go home. House: I can't let her down like that. Pumped her up with too much false hope.

Dr. Chase: I've had to relieve the pressure three times in the last two hours. So either we figure out what's causing blood to build up around her heart, or I follow her around with a needle for the rest of her life.

House: (to Cuddy) For the first time in years I've got no opiates in my body, now you question my judgment.

Dr. Cuddy: You want to trade? (in an Amish accent) We're not swappin' a couple a' goats for your help puttin' up a barn.

Dr. Cameron: You're lucky he didn't die. House: I'm lucky? He's the one who didn't die.

Dr. Wilson: The fifth level of happiness involves creation. Changing lives. House: Sixth level is heroin. Seventh level is you going away.

Dr. Cuddy: You've been back at work 24 hours and you're already playing hide-and-seek in a woman's spine! House: Who won the pool?

Dr. Cameron: We should give her a local (anaesthetic). House: That would defeat the point of me being nasty.

Dr. Foreman: 2002; patient had dry eyes... Dr. Chase: Dry eyes plus a grunt. It all makes sense. Dr. Foreman: Could be a neurological issue. Dr. Cameron: I get hay fever I put drops in my eyes. I don't go to a neurologist. Dr. Foreman: Dry eyes could indicate an autonomic dysfunction. It goes on the board. Dr. Chase: What about coughing? Or boogers? Should we include boogers?

House: (to Cuddy) You're smiling. That's a bad sign.

House: Inject him with cortisol. The guy'll have sex with his wife again! He'll hug his kid again! Hopefully that's the combination he was using… be a shame if I'd cured a pedophile.

Dr. Cuddy: Twenty-four times a year you come storming into my office spouting that you can help someone. Except you never say those words. You say something like, "His pancreas is going to explode because his brain is on fire!"

Dr. Cameron: You did something for which she is grateful, and you're… embarrassed? House: For you. She saw you coming up and thought you were a 14-year old boy. I set her straight.

House: I don't remember you being this bitchy. Dr. Wilson: The Vicodin dulled it. In the sober light of day I'm a buzz-kill.

Dr. Wilson: (House) got lucky, that's all that happened. Telling him 'no' was a good thing, because next time he won't get lucky, he'll kill someone. Just because he was right, doesn't mean he wasn't wrong. Dr. Cuddy: I see him every day, I can't just… Dr. Wilson: Everybody lies.

Arlene: I'm taking care of him for the same reason you helped us! House: Some guy shot you and you hallucinated?

House: Would you like to get a drink? Dr. Cameron: Are you… are you serious or are you just trying to change the subject? House: No I'm serious. I drink, you drink, we can do it at the same time, at the same table. Do you eat? We could do that too. Hey, if the answer's "No" that's cool, but... Dr. Cameron: No it's just... you're just coming off surgery and you're not yourself yet and I work for you and even though last year's... agh. You're smiling. I'm saying no and you're smiling. House: Well don't take it personally, it's just cause you're full of crap. You have no interest in going out with me. Maybe you did when I couldn't walk, when I was a sick puppy that you could nurture back to health. Now that I'm healthy there's nothing in it for you. Dr. Cameron: You are not healthy. Cuddy wants to see you.

Dr. Cameron: The leg looks fine. Totally pain-free? House: When did this turn into "What did you do over your summer vacation?" Dr. Foreman: It's a little weird to discuss the case while you're staring at your blood on the floor. Dr. Cameron: I asked Cuddy to replace the carpet. House: I like the carpet. What'd you do over the summer. Dr. Cameron: I… House: Redo the tests.

Dr. Cuddy: You ran here? House: It's just eight miles. Dr. Cuddy: Why did you...? House: Why does a dog lick it's workplace-acceptable euphemism for testicles? Dr. Wilson: Because he can.

(House successfully jumps a skateboard off a bench) House: Oh, I stuck that primo! How rad am I?!?

House: Relax. I'm not going to burn you again. (pulls out a big needle) I'm going to stab you!