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(answering phone)
House: This better be important.
Dr. Cameron: You've gotta come back in.
House: No I don't.
Dr. Cameron: Margo's stable but...
House: Oh my God! I'll be right there!
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House: We're done. Get rid of her.
Dr. Foreman: We're not done. We have to confirm the diagnosis before we send her home to die of something else.
House: Oh yes, the power tastes so sweet. You just can't resist, you're like a diabetic at the ice cream counter, you want to say no, but you need that chocolately goodness.
Dr. Foreman: Well, I'm still signing the charts. So until tomorrow you're not allowed to kill anyone.
House: Wuss!
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House: She's not going to leave Mark in the middle of his rehab. Too much guilt.
Dr. Wilson: She left you.
House: Harsh 'tude, dude.
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House: Peeing on a stick is only 99% accurate. Get a real pregnancy test. You know, the one with the blood and the hormones and the rabbit. (Foreman looks put off) Oh, I'm sorry. It's still your limo. What do you say, Miss Daisy?
Dr. Foreman: Whatever you want.
House: Lame duck's done quacking.
Dr. Foreman: You quack, people shoot at you. Cuddy just put me here to make you miserable. Another two days, you can go back to making yourself miserable.
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(finding Ritalin)
House: Cocaine with a PG rating.
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House: Ultrasound her uterus this time. See if there's something growing in there that doesn't look adorable in a onesie.
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Dr. Cuddy: (seeing House come in) He's actually on time.
Dr. Wilson: He's six minutes early.
Dr. Cuddy: Something's happened.
Dr. Wilson: I'm on it.
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House: Wow. It's a big jump from "Infidelity is morally wrong" to "Do her."
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House: What does the flailing look like?
Dr. Chase: Her arms spasm uncontrollably and there's a mild facial twitch.
House: Demonstration?
Dr. Foreman: (impatiently) You wanna know what it looks like, go see the patient.
House: Ooo, snarky. Was he like this the whole time I was gone?
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House: (to the whiteboard) We give you so much, and you give us so little.
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Dr. Cuddy: (about Stacy) Here's what I think she's gonna say: "Oh I love Greg, but if you go against a patient's wishes, you're calling her a liar. And if something goes wrong, I end up in court having to defend the big, mean doctor, albeit with dreamy eyes, who wouldn't believe the nice suburban mom. And even though his cane makes me melt, do the damn surgery."
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House: Foreman, need your help here. You want to pull a bank job, would you go it alone? You gonna rob a house, sure, it's a one- or two-man crew. A bank...a lookout, getaway driver...
Dr. Foreman: I'm not saying anything till this metaphor plays itself out.
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House: Cameron... I love you. (swabs her open mouth) Get your test results tomorrow.
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House: Who finished the animal crackers? If you finish something, don't just put back the empty box, throw it out!
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Dr. Wilson: What the hell happened in Baltimore?
House: Sorry, chief--I never kiss and tell.
Dr. Wilson: I think you just did.
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Dr. Wilson: This isn't just going to go away.
House: No, but maybe you will.
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Dr. Foreman: Hyper-vigilance, sudden irritability.
House: Symptomatic of…lunch with Cuddy?
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House: (knocking on Wilson's door) I know you're in there. I can hear you caring.
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House: (to Foreman) Your four weeks just expired. Your reign of terror is over – mine has just begun. Now go stick a needle up her hoo-hoo and find that cancer.
Dr. Chase: "Hoo-hoo"?
Dr. Foreman: He went to Hopkins.
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Stella: What's wrong with your foot?
House: War wound.
Stella: Does it hurt?
House: Every day.
Stella: Is that why you're so sad?
House: Oh aren't you adorable. I'm not sad, I'm complicated - chicks dig that. One day you'll understand.
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Stacy: What was Greg like after I left?
Dr. Cuddy: Uhh, an egomaniacal narcissistic pain in the ass. Same as before you left.
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Dr. Cameron: You won't read your mail, but you'll open mine.
House: It was confidential. I wanted to know.
Dr. Cameron: The most important letter of my life, and you're still an ass.
House: Comforting, isn't it?
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Dr. Foreman: It's the perfect marriage – there's nothing to fight about if you never talk about anything.
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Dr. Wilson: Being miserable doesn't make you better than anyone else, House. It just makes you miserable.
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House: You're gonna want to paralyze her. Run tests on a flailer and somebody's gonna lose an eye.
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Dr. Wilson: Great, breaking up a marriage - fertile ground for high comedy.