House

House: This is about who can most easily cross the parking lot. You're the winner. Dr. Whitner: Oh, and the prize is apparently a parking space.

Dr. Cuddy: Your application for handicap space says you can walk 50 yards. House: And Whitner's says she can roll 50 miles between oil changes, I can't change my leg! Dr. Cuddy: The space I moved you to is only 46 yards away from the front door. I measured; you'll be fine. House: Great, so I can collapse four yards into the lobby instead of outside in the cold. Dr. Cuddy: As long as it isn't in my office.

Dr. Cameron: We were treating him for Wegener's when everything went wrong. House: Not everything. Dr. Foreman: Yeah, It was a very lovely day outside, on the other hand the treatment made him worse.

House: They're (the gypsies) absolutely right. Stay away from the experimental stuff, much better to stick with the "moving the furniture until he gets better" approach.

Judy: (Stevie) wouldn't even need to be here if not for you! Leah: Yeah, I'm so unclean I made his liver shut down!

Dr. Chase: He's Romany, apparently they feel the need to keep secrets so it's hard to know anything for sure. House: Yeah, he's also a human being, which means you shouldn't be trusting him to begin with.

Dr. Whitner: They had to move me closer to the door. House: Had to? You don't look like the type to pull a weapon. Dr. Whitner: Wheelchair. House: Cane. I think you should do the honorable thing, let me have my space back. Dr. Whitner: Oh well, er, since you asked so nicely... wheelchair. House: Cane.

House: (loudly) No way Cuddy is going to gyp me. Franklin: What'd you say? House: (to Wilson) I'll see you later. Gonna have them yelling at me for the next twenty minutes.

Dr. Foreman: Sixteen year old with respiratory arrest. House: The only thing I hate more than a thief is a crippled thief. Dr. Foreman: Yeah, me too. No sign of trauma, no history of…

Dr. Cuddy: You can't be serious. House: Actually, I can. (frowns) See?

Dr. Foreman: There's no leak! House: Hey! You can't yell at a guy in a wheelchair.

Dr. Cuddy: Pride goeth before the fall. House: Lucky for me I'm sitting in one of these babies.

House: You guys are still thinking like doctors. You should be thinking like plumbers. Come on, let me see some butt crack.

Kate: I think he's learned his lesson. House: Oh, I don't know, we better check. Jack, is your mommy a big fat idiot? (Jack nods) House: Well what do you know? Guess you were right.

Dr. Wilson: Ah yes, if it isn't Dr. Ironside. House: Ah, if it isn't Dr. "I had no friends when I was growing up, so all I did was watch TV by myself which is why I can now make constant pop cultural references which no one understands but me." Dr. Wilson: That's my name, don't wear it out. House: Safe from Cuddy, but I guess not from her trusted rat accomplice.

Dr. Wilson: Give it up, you're demeaning yourself. House: That's what they told Rosa Parks!

Dr. Foreman: We plug one hole and end up poking another. House: We talking about the patient or how to get a raise from Cuddy?

Dr. Whitner: I'm not worried. From what I hear what you lack in shame you also lack in willpower. House: My will may be weak, but my backbone is strong. And pain-free now that I've stopped using the cane. Of course it's harder to look down Cuddy's shirt. But the vantage point on her ass is much improved. That's just me, always looking on the bright side. I'm the one who said her C-cups are half full. Dr. Whitner: (suggestively) They are nice, aren't they? House: Ahhh, no no no no no. You're not going to win me over that easily. You may have the wheel but it doesn't mean you get the grease. You've got to squeak.

House: Excuse me! Sorry, cripple coming through!

Dr. Chase: Is she hot? Dr. Cameron: She's in a wheelchair. Dr. Chase: Doesn't mean she's not hot. House: Just means she can't bend over. So Cuddy has to bend over backwards.

Dr. Wilson: And legal beats logic every time... just ask O.J.

House: That space is mine. Veni, vidi, vici.