House

House: This is not real, therefore it's meaningless. I want meaning.

Moriarty: You don't care if you live or die? House: I care because I live. I can't care if I'm dead.

Moriarty: You pretend to be a rebel; claim to hate rules, but all you do is subsitute your own rules for society's. That's a nice simple rule: tell the blunt, honest truth in the starkest, darkest way; and what will be, will be; what will be, should be; and everyone else is a coward. But you're wrong. It's not cowardly to not call someone an idiot. People aren't tactful and polite just because it's nice. They do it because they got an ounce of humility; because they know that they will make mistakes, and they know that their actions have consequences, and they know that those consequences are their fault. Why do you want so bad not to be human, House?

House: I always say if you're going to get shot, do it in a hospital.

Moriarty: You cured (my wife). House: I'm truly sorry I did that. Moriarty: In the course of investigating her illness, you convinced me that everything was relevant. You needed the truth. I confessed to you that I had had an affair. But it turns out it had nothing to do with why she was sick. Genetic predisposition to brain aneurysms. You told her that. You also told her about my affair. House: You caught crap. She left you. Now I've gotta pay because you couldn't keep your little killer in you pants. Moriarty: She killed herself.

Moriarty: You think that the only truth that matters is the truth that can be measured. Good intentions don't count, what's in your heart doesn't count, caring doesn't count, that a man's life can't be measured by how many tears are shed when he dies. It's because you can't measure them. It's because you don't want to measure them. Doesn't mean it's not real. And even if I'm wrong, you're still miserable. Did you really think that your life's purpose was to sacrifice yourself and get nothing in return? No. You believe there is no purpose to anything. Even the lives you save you dismiss. You turn the one decent thing in your life and you taint it, strip it of all meaning. You're miserable for nothing. I don't know why you'd want to live.

Moriarty: You wasted your life. House: Yeah. If only I'd spent more time dedicating myself to finding someone worthy to shoot.

House: Sevens marry sevens, nines marry nines, fours marry fours. Maybe there's some wiggle room if there's enough money or if somebody got pregnant. But you've got at least three points on your husband and your frock says he didn't do it for the money and your breasts say you haven't had any kids. Judy: So you figure my marriage is a mathematical error. House: Numbers don't lie.

Dr. Cameron: You just got shot, House. You should rest. House: I got shot. Diagnostically boring. Big fat tongue, on the other hand, endlessly entertaining.

Dr. Cameron: The shooter turns out to be a guy who... House: Don't care. Dr. Cameron: You don't care why a guy walked into a hospital and shot a doctor? Shot you? House: I assume his reasoning was faulty.

Moriarty: He's awake. Cameron: House, we need to talk to you. House: How the hell did you know I was awake? Moriarty: Your nostrils flare when you sleep. House: No, they do not.

House: Okay, I'll be you guys. (as Chase) No way, myte, too much blood to be just a vein. (as Foreman) No way, Hizzy. If it were an artery, he'd still be bleeding. (as Cameron, high falsetto) Actually, he'd be dead.

House: Why did you try to kill me? Moriarty: I didn't. House: Then the gun thing might have been a mistake.

Moriarty: I don't wanna hear semantics. House: You anti-semantic bastard!

House: Here's how life works: you either get to ask for an apology or you get to shoot people. Not both.

Dr. Cuddy: There are plenty of reasons to use... House: Fine, I'll go beat the truth out of my surgeon. Gillick, right?

House: Where are you going? Dr. Foreman: You're an ass. House: I know. Where are you going?

Dr. Foreman: And why do we care? House: Because we're human beings – that's what we do.