Season 5 Episode 2

Not Cancer

Aired Monday 9:00 PM Sep 23, 2008 on FOX



  • Trivia

    • The receipt on the bag of Thai food that House brings for the team alternates between shots; sometimes it's straight and other times it is curled at the end.

  • Quotes

    • House: Brain's clean. Moving on.
      Thirteen: To where? We've gone from making no sense to making less sense and then taking a step backward.

    • Dr. O'Shea: Are you checking me out?
      House: You're astute. No.
      Dr. O'Shea: How many pills did you just take?
      House: Vicodin, opiods, some B12. Need a little kick in the afternoon. You got a problem with that? (O'Shea shrugs) I think I'm falling in love.

    • Dr. Foreman: We need to remove the eye.
      House: It's her only working eye.
      Dr. Foreman: We could remove the other one, but since it's not killing her, I thought this way was less insane.
      House: (to O'Shea) Do you have some ethical problem with what I'm doing that you can express in a unique way which might actually make me think that I'm wrong even though I'll never admit it?
      Dr. O'Shea: Yes.
      House: You are funny. The problem's not in her eye, it's in her head. You wanna come over and watch Prescription Passion at my house tonight?
      Dr. O'Shea: You know I'm not gay, right?
      House: Neither am I. If you don't want to have sex, that's cool with me.
      Dr. O'Shea: I'm not coming over to your home.
      House: I'll grow on you.

    • Dr. Foreman: I'm sorry. We need to remove your eye.
      Apple: My eye?
      House: A moment ago you thought you were dying. Blind's actually good news.

    • Lucas: Oh yeah, that will be… $2,300 dollars
      House: I'll get you a check.
      Lucas: No, I don't take checks.
      House: You think I'm going to stop payment?
      Lucas: Aren't you?
      House: Of course I am. $2,300, that's insane.

    • House: Say it.
      Dr. Foreman: You were right.
      House: God, that was petty of me.

    • Kutner: Does that PI guy mean we don't have to break into people's homes any more?
      House: It's the whole reason you went to medical school. I'm not gonna take that away from you.

    • House: Did you get the consent?
      Taub: No.
      House: Tell Foreman to get it. Old people are scared of black people.

    • Lucas: There are two types of people who hire me. No, actually there are three types of people that hire me, but the third point is irrelevant to the point I want to make.
      House: Do you have a special rate plan for being a pain in the ass?

    • House: Have you been checking me out? I've been paying for that?
      Lucas: So far you haven't paid for anything.

    • Apple: The guys I hated dancing with before, I hated dancing with after. My parents were still dead, I was still alone.
      House: You're fun.
      Apple: You don't seem that different.
      House: I haven't given up.

    • House: How do you know what they're talking about?
      Lucas: I'm in the same grief-counseling group.I recently lost my mother.
      House: You get laid more often if you told them you lost a kid.
      Lucas: I didn't lose a kid.

    • Lucas: Only two things you ignore: things that aren't unimportant and things you wish weren't important. And wishing never works.

    • House: How many friends do you have?
      Lucas: Seventeen.
      House: Seriously?
      Lucas: No, I knew this conversation was really about you, so I gave you an answer so you could get back to your train of thought.

    • House: Friends allow you to not sit in a room by yourself. You charging me for this?
      Lucas: Are we friends?
      House: No.
      Lucas: Then yes.
      House: Want to be my friend?
      Lucas: No. You scare me a little.

    • Dr. Cuddy: I'm going to trust your first instincts.
      House: I'm not usually confused when you say things like that.

    • Nurse: You ever hear of the boy who cried wolf?
      House: Never really bought that. I don't care how often the kid cries he's going to be eaten by a wolf, the mom's going to come running.

  • Notes

    • Music: Vice (Crystal Method)

    • Original International Air Dates:
      Australia: October 1, 2008 on TEN
      Latin America: November 20, 2008 on Universal Channel
      Spain: January 13, 2009 on Cuatro
      The Netherlands: January 15, 2009 on SBS 6
      Germany: March 10, 2009 on RTL
      Hungary: March 25, 2009 on TV2
      Denmark: March 28, 2009 on Kanal 4
      United Kingdom: May 31, 2009 on Sky One
      Poland: September 3, 2009 on TVP2
      Czech Republic: September 14, 2009 on TV Nova
      Slovakia: September 16, 2009 on STV1
      Sweden: October 6, 2009 on TV4

    • Jennifer Morrison is credited but doesn't appear.

    • Music: You Might Die Trying (Dave Matthews Band)

    • As of this episode Hugh Laurie takes on the role of Executive Producer.

  • Allusions