Dr. Gregory House
Dr. Allison Cameron
Dr. Robert Chase
Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Dr. Eric Foreman
Dr. James Wilson
If the patient has lung cancer with bone metastasis, a routine blood test should have detected it earlier.
Dr. Cameron: Who's that?
House: Apparently Cuddy's widened her sperm donor search to include Neanderthals.
Dr. Foreman: Cuddy's looking for a sperm donor?
House: It's a joke. Like Cuddy would ever want a kid. Or a kid would ever want Cuddy. Hello, that's why it's funny!
Dr. Cameron: I wasn't going to just let him leave!
Dr. Foreman: But you were okay with him crashing through a glass wall...
House: Oh right, places to go, people to eat.
House: This is all because some cop came into the clinic. I was rude to him. This is his way of getting back at me.
Howard: You've made it pretty easy.
House: His insane reaction to a simple rectal thermometer reading, probably says a lot more about his mother than it says about me.
Dr. Cameron: We have a case.
House: Fat guy in a coma, I know.
Dr. Chase: Cuddy told you?
House: No, the wall between Wilson's office and this one is thinner than you think. That means we need to stop talking about what a pathetic loser he is.
House: Who knew that being bloated and bitchy could actually come in handy?
Dr. Cameron: Shut up!
House: Start treating Jabba for Pickwickian Syndrome. His 96ZZs are probably putting pressure on his chest, suffocating him
Dr. Foreman: His CO2 and oxygen stats are normal.
House: For you and me - what's normal for a hippopotomus?
Fireman: So, you gotta Green Beret, a Navy SEAL, and a sister from Brooklyn. The general hands each of them a gun and says, "Your spouse is seated next door, in a room, in a chair. In order to pass this test, you must go inside and kill 'em." Immediately the Green Beret says, "No, sir. I could never kill my wife! I just can't do it." The general looks at him and says, "You know what? You ain't got what it takes. Take your wife and go on home." Navy SEAL then heads in. Five minutes later, comes out, tears strolling down his face, "I tried, I tried, I tried. I just can't do it, she looks so beautiful in the chair, I can't do it!" General looks at him and says, 'You know what? You ain't got what it takes." Finally, sister from Brooklyn, strolls in with a swagger. Blam! Blam! Blam! Shots rang out, there's banging, there's screaming, it's going crazy. Suddenly, everything goes silent. General says, "Well, what the hell happened inside?" Sister from Brooklyn screams back, "The damn gun had blanks in it, so I had to beat him to death with my bare..." (wall falls, cutting him off)
House: What did you find out?
Dr. Cameron: That you and George have the same taste in home furnishing and women.
House: Danish modern and Russian gymnasts?
Dr. Cameron: Pianos and prostitutes.
Tritter: People who are innocent tend not to try to hide their arrest.
House: Is that based on your years of experience of arresting innocent people?
House: Okay, I give up. Who was it? Who in your family had the weight problem?
Dr. Cameron: You think I can only care about a patient if I know someone else who's been through the same thing?
House: You care for everybody! You only lie and stand up to Cuddy for a few.
Dr. Cameron: You lie for everybody and only care about a few!
House: You're avoiding the question.
Dr. Cameron: I like damaged people, remember? Explains everything I do!
House: Almost everything. It wasn't you, was it?
Dr. Cameron: Does it matter?
House: No, but it would be interesting.
Dr. Cameron: Sorry to disappoint you. Sometimes the answers just aren't that simple.
House: Hey, Gomer Pyle! I know you can hear me!
Tritter: I think you mean Barney Fife.
House: So many great idiot icons to choose from.
Tritter: You need time to think of some more?
House: Either arraign me or let me go.
Tritter: No problem, which do you prefer?
Dr. Wilson: Better get yourself a lawyer.
House: Already got one.
Dr. Wilson: You know what they say about the lawyer who has himself as a client?
House: Same thing they say about the doctor who lends 15 grand to a friend he knows can't pay him back.
Tritter: (to House) I think working around a bunch of nurses has given you a false sense of your ability to intimidate.
House: I'm not a pain doctor, I'm a pain patient.
House: Cameron sees a clump of dirt and she thinks of me.
Dr. Wilson: Or a lump of something else.
Dr. Foreman: Where are you going?
House: To get a $400 butt-plug.
Dr. Cameron: What about George?
House: He's going to have to get his own.
Dr. Cameron: Where are you going?
House: The butt-plug was my way of saying "None of your business." Apparently too subtle.
Dr. Cameron: What'd your lawyer say? (House glares) I looked up "butt-plug" in a legal dictionary.
George: I am not diabetic!
House: Grocery stores giving away medical degrees with the free turkeys now?
Dr. Wilson: Selectively irrational, stubborn, uncooperative, maybe you ought to check his leg.
Nurse: How much does this guy weigh?
Dr. Cameron: 440.
Nurse: Looks like a lot more.
Dr. Cameron: That's because he's lying down.
Dr. Cuddy: You blow stuff up, makes my life miserable, makes me need to make your life miserable.
House: This conversation is over, because I've officially run out of clever things to call the guy.
Tritter: Rookie mistake--never underestimate the stupidity of an addict.
House: So your arm only hurts after you lay on top of it all night?
House: Have you ever thought about.. I don't know.. not doing that?
This episode won a Emmy Award for Outstanding Prosthetic Makeup for a Series, Miniseries, Movie or a Special.
International Air Dates:
The Netherlands: July 19, 2007 on SBS6
Greece: October 27, 2007 on Star
The Czech Republic: December 17, 2007 on TV Nova
Belgium: January 10, 2008 on KanaalTwee
Sweden: March 11, 2008 on TV4
Norway: Thursday, August 21, 2008 on NRK1
Music: Bubblegum by Mr.Loco, Having My Baby by Paul Anka
House: Fat Scratch Fever
Referencing Ted Nugent's 1977 album (and title song) Cat Scratch Fever.
House: Nice audible, Peyton!
Referencing a football maneuver where a quarterback changes the teams' play before the hike. Peyton is a reference to Indianapolis Colts' great quarterback Peyton Manning.
House: Hey, Gomer Pyle! I know you can hear me!
Referencing the character played by Jim Nabors who first appeared in Mayberry R.F.D. but later moved on to Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
House: I'm going to guess your Mom in the hospital with the candlestick.
A reference to the game Clue, where you try to guess who was the murderer, where, and with what object.
House: Let's see what else Shamu's been up to besides eating.
Shamu is the name of SeaWorld's iconic orca show. Shamu performances are presented along with Baby Shamu and Grandbaby Shamu in 7-million-gallon pools at SeaWorld parks in Orlando, Florida, San Diego, California, and San Antonio, Texas.
House: I assume you told Inspector Clouseau that I had a valid prescription for the vicodin.
Refrencing the bumbling French police inspector Jacques Clouseau played by Peter Sellers in the original Pink Panther movies, and later played by Steve Martin in the 2006 remake.
House: Start treating Jabba…
Referencing the overweight alien crime lord first seen in Star Wars Episode Six: Return of the Jedi, although he later appeared in both the prequels and was digitally added to Episode Four.
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