Season 1 Episode 17

Role Model

Aired Monday 9:00 PM Apr 12, 2005 on FOX



  • Trivia

    • Foreman explains to the senator that Toxoplasmosis is caused by a fungus, however this disease is caused by a protozoan called Toxoplasma gondii.

    • When House tests the senator for HIV, he orders an ELISA test, which confirms an infection by detecting antibodies to the virus. Nowadays, however, it is hospital policy to use tests that detect viral cells as well as antibodies rather than ELISA because they are quicker and more reliable. Secondly, the PCR test usually isn't used as a confirmatory test, but as a rapid test for medical staff. Besides, doctors are legally bound to run the confirmatory test before telling the patient about the infection.

  • Quotes

    • House: I am selling my soul.
      Dr. Wilson: Just a little piece. And you are getting something in return.
      House: I said I was selling it. I didn't say I was giving it away. That would be immoral and stupid.

    • House: But, when you're 4th down, 100 to go, in the snow, you don't call a running play up the middle. Unless you're the Jets.
      Dr. Cameron: I hate sports metaphors.

    • Wright: It must be miserable, always assuming the worst in people.
      House: Cut the crap, you're dying!
      Wright: And you're clever, you're witty and you are a coward. You're scared of taking chances.
      House: I take chances all the time. It's one of my worst qualities.
      Wright: On people?
      House: (he pauses a while considering) Wanting to believe the best about people doesn't make it true.
      Wright: Being afraid to believe it doesn't make it false.

    • Dr. Cameron: I thank you because it means something to me, to be grateful for what I receive.
      House: You are the most naive atheist I've ever met.

    • Dr. Cameron: You don't need to worry about firing anyone. I'm leaving.
      House: Why? Is this another noble, self-sacrificing gesture? You trying to protect Foreman?
      Dr. Cameron: No.
      House: So this is just, "Don't fire me, I quit."
      Dr. Cameron: I'm protecting myself. You asked me why I like you. You're abrasive and rude, but I figured everything you do, you do it to help people. But I was wrong. You do it because it's right.

    • Dr. Cameron: There are only two ways I can deal with things. One is in my control. That's to leave. Goodbye, House.

    • House: Okay, go tell our human pincushion we'll be sticking him one more time.

    • Dr. Wilson: Dr. Cameron's getting to you. Well, I guess you can't be around that much niceness and not get any on you.
      House: Is that why you haven't put the moves on her?
      Dr. Wilson: What makes you think I haven't put the moves on her? Oh. Oh, boy! You're in trouble!

    • Senator: Am I well enough to run for president?
      House: Well, why not run for Pope while you're at it?
      Foreman: Oh, come on. Kennedy had Addison's, FDR had polio. Two of the best presidents in the last hundred years.
      House: If they were running today they wouldn't stand a chance.

    • House: A few things I forgot to mention. Ed Vogler is a brilliant businessman. A brilliant judge of people, and a man who has never lost a fight. You know how I know the new ACE inhibitor is good? Because the old one was good. The new one is really the same, it's just more expensive. A lot more expensive. See, that's another example of Ed's brilliance. Whenever one of his drugs is about to lose its patent he has his boys and girls alter it just a tiny bit and patent it all over again. Making not just a pointless new pill, but millions and millions of dollars. Which is good for everbody, right? The patients, pish. Who cares, they're just so damn sick! God obviously never liked them anyway. All the healthy people in the room, let's have a big round of applause for Ed Vogler!

    • Dr. Cuddy: In the Senator's condition, a spleen biopsy could easily cause sepsis and kill him!
      House: Why do you do this to me? Now if I kill him, I can't tell the judge I had no idea of the risks involved.

    • Sarah: I haven't had sex since I split up with my husband.That was almost a year ago.
      House: Fine, have it your way. Immaculate conception.
      Sarah: Um, what do I do?
      House: Well, it's obvious. Start a religion.

    • House: You were pregnant. Based on your hormone levels, you had a miscarriage.
      Sarah: I haven't even been on a date.
      House: Right, since it's physically impossible to have sex without someone buying you dinner.

    • Dr. Foreman: You wanna cut into his brain?
      House: Dangerous, I know. Especially as he's a politician, his brain's all twisted. But I weighed that against the risk of him stroking out before lunch.

    • Wright: When I was six, I fell off the swings and bit my tongue. Couldn't talk right for the longest time. Lots of teasing. But, you know, it just made me fight harder, speak up for those who can't.
      House: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tongues heal too fast. Your political consultants have written you a nice story. In a tight race, the lispers alone could put you over the top.

    • Dr. Chase: CVID. That's a type of immuno-globular deficiency. I said that.
      House: Yeah, it was a stupid idea when you said it.

    • House: You know, when the Inuit go fishing, they don't look for fish.
      (long pause)
      Dr. Wilson: (exasperatedly) Why, Dr. House?

    • House: You like me. Why?
      Dr. Cameron: That's kind of a sad question.
      House: Just trying to figure out what makes you tick. I am not warm and fuzzy and you are basically a stuffed animal made by Grandma.

    • Dr. Wilson: (to House) I know this isn't easy for you. You'll suffer. Vicodin sales in New Jersey will triple. Only you could feel like crap for doing something good.

    • Vogler: I just saw Senator Wright - he looks like hell. That sushi must have been a lot worse then you thought.
      House: Mr. Vogler – would you like a free whole-body scan? A man of your stature should get himself checked at least three times a year.

    • House: He didn't have any reason to lie.
      Dr. Wilson: Everybody lies...except politicians? House, I believe you're a romantic. You didn't just believe him - you believed in him. You want to come over tonight and watch old movies and cry?

    • House: "Ideopathic" – from the Latin meaning "we're idiots because we can't figure out what's causing it."

    • Dr. Cuddy: Why do you have to make everything so dramatic?!?
      House: Because I'm a very high-strung little lap dog. (barks & growls)

    • House: Someday there will be a black president. Someday there will be a gay president. Maybe there'll even be a gay black president. But one combination I do not see is gay, black, and dead.

    • House: (to Cameron) People pray so that God won't crush them like bugs. I'm not going to crush you.

    • Dr. Cameron: Do you know why people pray to God?
      House: I thought you didn't believe in God.
      Dr. Cameron: I don't.
      House: Well, then you better be making a very good point.
      Dr. Cameron: You think they pray to him and praise him because they want him to know how great he is? God already knows that.
      House: Are you... comparing me to God? I mean, that's great, but just so you know, I've never made a tree.

    • House: You're not going to be President either way - they don't call it the White House because of the paint job.

    • Wright: What will the voters think? If they find out I've had a b-brain biopsy?
      House: This could leave you b-b-b-brain damaged, and you're worried about NASCAR dads?

    • House: You'd only make that argument if you were an administrator, covering your ass.
      Dr. Cuddy: That's absurd and insulting.
      House: Insulting, yes.

    • Dr. Cuddy: A brain biopsy can cause permanent neurological damage.
      House: Uh-huh. Whereas tumors are really good for brains - make them big and strong.

    • Dr. Cuddy: In my office.
      House: Afternoon delight. (waves his cane) She just loves the hard wood.

    • House: What was that?
      Dr. Chase: What was what?
      House: You got annoyed. That was clearly an annoyed face.
      Dr. Chase: I get annoyed about glib remarks about our future.
      House: Last week you didn't get annoyed - you made poopie in your pants.

    • Wright: You a Republican, or you just hate all politicians?
      House: I just find being forced to sit through drivel annoying.

    • House: (playing a video game) Helps me concentrate. Even better than drugs.

    • Vogler: Look, if this case is as trivial as you think, it'll take you three minutes to diagnose.
      House: Uh-huh - three minutes that I could sit on the toilet with the funny pages.

    • Vogler: The senator is suffering from nausea, headache, and mental confusion.
      House: Ah, bad sushi is so hard to diagnose.

  • Notes

    • This is the first on-screen appearance of Bobbin Bergstrom, who is also the show's on-site medical adviser.

    • The tune House plays on his piano during the scene that shows he has twelve messages on his phone is "High Hopes."

    • Music in closing scene where Cameron says goodbye is "It's Okay to Think About Ending" by Earlimart.

  • Allusions

    • House: Are you comparing me to God? I mean, it's great, but so you know, I've never made a tree.
      This line is in reference to the last couplet of Joyce Kilmer's famous poem, Trees: "Poems are made fools like me, but only God can make a tree."

    • Dr. Foreman: Oh, come on. Kennedy had Addison's, FDR had polio.
      Foreman is talking about two popular former U.S. Presidents, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who served twelve years (1933-1945), and John F. Kennedy, who only served three years (1961-1963) before being assassinated. Both were very well-liked and successful presidents, despite their handicaps.

    • House: Fine, have it your way. Immaculate conception.
      The Immaculate Conception refers to the conception of Mary, the mother of Jesus, preserving her from original sin.