House Season 2 Episode 18

Dr. Cameron: Does Max know Hannah plans to leave her?
House: Didn't come up, so I guess no.
Dr. Cameron: If she knew there's no way she'd go through with this.
House: And if you didn't have a pathological need to create a close personal relationship with every dying person you meet, we would be blissfully ignorant of any ethical dilemmas, and might actually be able to concentrate on the differential.

House: I need a little help.
Dr. Cuddy: Inexplicable rash on a patient's scrotum you need me to look at?

Dr. Cameron: You have to sedate a patient to do a colonoscopy.
House: Why? Because of all the pain?

House: So she sleeps, but she just can't stay asleep.
Dr. Foreman: You going somewhere with this?
House: You know what keeps me up at night...? Monsters in the closet.
Dr. Foreman: There's no monsters in the closet, we looked.
House: Certainly not showing up on the scanner.

Dr. Cuddy: She took the pills to sleep, not to kill herself.
House: Clever alibi.

Dr. Foreman: So the butt bleed's just a nose bleed.
Dr. Cameron: That much blood is not "just a" anything.
House: When two people fight this much, you know what it means.
Dr. Foreman: It's gotta be a massive sinus hemorrhage that was draining down her throat and out the back.
Dr. Cameron: The question isn't what, it's why.
House: Oh, get a room!

House: (to a Chinese girl translating for her mother) I'd say her problem is more likely a URI, than a PMS.
Anne: URI?
House: Upper Respiratory Infection, a cold.
Anne: I-I don't think so.
House: I also think she's got a problem with SAC.
Anne: SAC?
House: Thanks for playing. Stupid American Child. If you want the pill, all you have to do is to walk into any health clinic in Jersey, alone and ask for it.

Cuddy: Twenty-five-year-old female with sleep issues.
House: I'm guessing she's... what's the medical term? Upset. These 25-year-old females are usually completely rational. They're rocks. Really.

Dr. Cameron: Lovely. Revenge as motive for success.
Dr. Cuddy: Well, it doesn't have to be the motive. But it sure tastes good.

Dr. Cameron: If we want this to not get in the way of our friendship, I think we both have to apologize and put it behind us.
Dr. Foreman: I like you, really...we have a good time working together. But ten years from now, we're not gonna be hanging out, having dinners. Maybe we'll exchange Christmas cards, say "Hi," give a hug if we're at the same conference...we're not friends, we're colleagues...and I don't have anything to apologize for.

Dr. Cameron: We're withholding information relevant to her decision to risk her life! How is that not an ethical dilemma?
House: It's not medical information.
Dr. Cameron: Who cares?
House: The AMA.

Dr. Cuddy: (waking House up) You've seen one patient in the last two hours!
House: Complicated case. I'm a night owl, Wilson is an early bird: we're different species.
Dr. Cuddy: Move him into his own cage!
House: Who'd clean up the droppings from mine?

Dr. Cameron: If she talks, if she does the decent thing then you don't get to solve your puzzle, your game's over, and you lose.
House: Yeah. I want to save her. I'm morally bankrupt.

House: Given the choice of life versus death, those bad, bad people are going to choose life.

House: I'm saying 'I don't care what they do as long as my life isn't interrupted by pointless conversations like this one.'

House: It's only moral to save a person if they love you? That's kind of a selfish way at looking at life. I like Wilson's disease, I like cancer, I love mushrooms.

Dr. Cameron: (to House) Okay, well we can either base our diagnosis on your admittedly keen understanding of lesbian relationship or we could do a scratch test.

House: You, on the other hand, continue to be flabbergasted every time someone actually acts like a human being. Foreman did what he did because it worked out best that way for him. That's what everyone does.
Dr. Cameron: That is not the definition of being human. That's the definition of being an ass.

Dr. Cameron: Right, we're both victims. A simple heads up, that's all I needed. Maybe between your incredibly witty remarks about anal sex and Cuddy's breasts you could've tipped me off.
House: Then I'd have Foreman pissed off... and as annoying as you can be, at least I know you're not gonna pop a cap in my ass. Witty, huh?

House: (to Chinese mother about Anne) Not the sharpest chopstick in the drawer, is she?

House: We can only hope Cameron learned something from this.
Dr. Wilson: Right. Because you're all about the teaching.
House: Our children…are the future.

Dr. Cameron: You're on his side?
Dr. Cuddy: Sides? This isn't dodgeball.

Dr. Cameron: You can't ask the person she's about to dump to donate half her liver!
House: It does seem tacky, doesn't it?

Dr. Cameron: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a 6' hose shoved into your large intestine?
House: No. But I now have a much greater respect for whichever basketball player you dated in college.

Dr. Cameron: Depriving her of even the few minutes of sleep she does have, it's torture.
House: So is cutting people with knives, but you can totally get away with that if you have a doctor coat on.

House: If it has anything to do with who made the mistake, I dont care. If it has to with with me making a mistake, I really don't care.

(Cameron, Foreman, and Chase come in)
Dr. Cameron: We've got rectal bleeding.
House: What, all of you?