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House: Great battles kick up a lot of dirt. Obscures the battle field, so the generals can't see what's going on.
Dr. Wilson: So what are your orders, General House?
House: Sound a retreat.
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Dr. Cameron: Does Max know Hannah plans to leave her?
House: Didn't come up, so I guess no.
Dr. Cameron: If she knew there's no way she'd go through with this.
House: And if you didn't have a pathological need to create a close personal relationship with every dying person you meet, we would be blissfully ignorant of any ethical dilemmas, and might actually be able to concentrate on the differential.
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House: I need a little help.
Dr. Cuddy: Inexplicable rash on a patient's scrotum you need me to look at?
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Dr. Cameron: You have to sedate a patient to do a colonoscopy.
House: Why? Because of all the pain?
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House: So she sleeps, but she just can't stay asleep.
Dr. Foreman: You going somewhere with this?
House: You know what keeps me up at night...? Monsters in the closet.
Dr. Foreman: There's no monsters in the closet, we looked.
House: Certainly not showing up on the scanner.
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Dr. Cuddy: She took the pills to sleep, not to kill herself.
House: Clever alibi.
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Dr. Foreman: So the butt bleed's just a nose bleed.
Dr. Cameron: That much blood is not "just a" anything.
House: When two people fight this much, you know what it means.
Dr. Foreman: It's gotta be a massive sinus hemorrhage that was draining down her throat and out the back.
Dr. Cameron: The question isn't what, it's why.
House: Oh, get a room!
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House: (to a Chinese girl translating for her mother) I'd say her problem is more likely a URI, than a PMS.
Anne: URI?
House: Upper Respiratory Infection, a cold.
Anne: I-I don't think so.
House: I also think she's got a problem with SAC.
Anne: SAC?
House: Thanks for playing. Stupid American Child. If you want the pill, all you have to do is to walk into any health clinic in Jersey, alone and ask for it.
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Cuddy: Twenty-five-year-old female with sleep issues.
House: I'm guessing she's... what's the medical term? Upset. These 25-year-old females are usually completely rational. They're rocks. Really.
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Dr. Cameron: Lovely. Revenge as motive for success.
Dr. Cuddy: Well, it doesn't have to be the motive. But it sure tastes good.
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Dr. Cameron: If we want this to not get in the way of our friendship, I think we both have to apologize and put it behind us.
Dr. Foreman: I like you, really...we have a good time working together. But ten years from now, we're not gonna be hanging out, having dinners. Maybe we'll exchange Christmas cards, say "Hi," give a hug if we're at the same conference...we're not friends, we're colleagues...and I don't have anything to apologize for.
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Dr. Cameron: We're withholding information relevant to her decision to risk her life! How is that not an ethical dilemma?
House: It's not medical information.
Dr. Cameron: Who cares?
House: The AMA.
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Dr. Cuddy: (waking House up) You've seen one patient in the last two hours!
House: Complicated case. I'm a night owl, Wilson is an early bird: we're different species.
Dr. Cuddy: Move him into his own cage!
House: Who'd clean up the droppings from mine?
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Dr. Cameron: If she talks, if she does the decent thing then you don't get to solve your puzzle, your game's over, and you lose.
House: Yeah. I want to save her. I'm morally bankrupt.
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House: Given the choice of life versus death, those bad, bad people are going to choose life.
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House: I'm saying 'I don't care what they do as long as my life isn't interrupted by pointless conversations like this one.'
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House: It's only moral to save a person if they love you? That's kind of a selfish way at looking at life. I like Wilson's disease, I like cancer, I love mushrooms.
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Dr. Cameron: (to House) Okay, well we can either base our diagnosis on your admittedly keen understanding of lesbian relationship or we could do a scratch test.
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House: You, on the other hand, continue to be flabbergasted every time someone actually acts like a human being. Foreman did what he did because it worked out best that way for him. That's what everyone does.
Dr. Cameron: That is not the definition of being human. That's the definition of being an ass.
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Dr. Cameron: Right, we're both victims. A simple heads up, that's all I needed. Maybe between your incredibly witty remarks about anal sex and Cuddy's breasts you could've tipped me off.
House: Then I'd have Foreman pissed off... and as annoying as you can be, at least I know you're not gonna pop a cap in my ass. Witty, huh?
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House: (to Chinese mother about Anne) Not the sharpest chopstick in the drawer, is she?
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House: We can only hope Cameron learned something from this.
Dr. Wilson: Right. Because you're all about the teaching.
House: Our children…are the future.
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Dr. Cameron: You're on his side?
Dr. Cuddy: Sides? This isn't dodgeball.
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Dr. Cameron: You can't ask the person she's about to dump to donate half her liver!
House: It does seem tacky, doesn't it?
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Dr. Cameron: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a 6' hose shoved into your large intestine?
House: No. But I now have a much greater respect for whichever basketball player you dated in college.
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Dr. Cameron: Depriving her of even the few minutes of sleep she does have, it's torture.
House: So is cutting people with knives, but you can totally get away with that if you have a doctor coat on.
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House: If it has anything to do with who made the mistake, I dont care. If it has to with with me making a mistake, I really don't care.
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(Cameron, Foreman, and Chase come in)
Dr. Cameron: We've got rectal bleeding.
House: What, all of you?
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Hannah: I've got the plague?
House: Don't worry, it's treatable. Being a bitch, though...nothing we can do about that.