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Dr. Wilson: (after being told to look at Stacy and Mark by House) She seems perfectly happy: obviously they huddled in the hall and worked up this circus act on the off chance you'd be in here.
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House: (to Chase) I love when you do both sides of the conversation. It's like white noise; it's very peaceful.
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House: Trouble in paradise, two o'clock
Dr. Wilson: Your two o'clock or my 2 o'clock?
House: (points) There.
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Jeff: There's no way I'd touch EPO. Too many guys stroking out and dying.
House: Damn! Ten bucks for the tickets, six for the popcorn.
Jeff: I do straight blood doping.
Dr. Cuddy: Plot twist!
House: That's a very daring confession.
Manager: We've got confidentiality, right?
House: Assuming I'm more ethical than your client.
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House: She (Stacy) can't handle working with me.
Dr. Cuddy: Oh right, yeah, (Stacy's) still got a thing for you, making it impossible for her to deal, makes perfect sense. Except for the pronouns!
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Dr. Foreman: Anyone who thinks they should pay a guy money because he can throw a ball really far or pedal really fast deserves to be ripped off.
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House: The air is keeping him from breathing air. Let's go with that for the irony.
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Dr. Foreman: So if you break an arbitrary rule, Cameron damns you to hell. But if you break a rule that has a reason, that's designed to protect people, Cameron develops a crazy crush on you.
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Moira: Jeff is in the Lucas wing. If Mr. Lucas showed up needing a lumbar puncture, would he have to wait until tomorrow?
Dr. Cuddy: Mr. Lucas is dead.
Moira: Good – then there's an opening.
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House: How's your recovery going? Got around to the small muscles yet?
Mark Warner: It's not the size of the muscle – it's where you get to put it.
Stacy: My goodness, it's like watching Oscar Wilde and Noel Coward in the third grade.
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Dr. Wilson: You really really need to get some.
House: I get some "some" all the time. I always need to borrow "some" money.
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Dr. Wilson: Is there a light somewhere that goes on when I have food?
House: Green for food, orange for beverages, red for impure thoughts. That bulb burns out every two weeks.
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Dr. Cameron: We don't make careers out of who can stay awake the longest.
Dr. Chase: Really? Ever been to...oh, I don't know, med school?
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House: You know me, hostility makes me shrink up like a…I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.
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House: This is exactly why I created nurses...cleanup on aisle three!
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House: Go forth and scan his neck.
Dr. Chase: His neck?
House: Or repeat everything I say in question form.
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House: How am I supposed to practice medicine with a lawyer sitting on my shoulder?
Dr. Cuddy: Responsibly.
House: You know I can't do that!
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House: What makes a guy start drooling? Chase, were you wearing your short shorts?
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Dr. Chase: You were right.
House: Now there were three wasted words.
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House: You know, our relationship was way better when we were sleeping together. Why did we stop doing that? Did you get married?
Stacy: Yes. Otherwise I'd be on you like red on rice.
House: Look, rice isn't...oh, I get it!
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Stacy: We need to talk.
House: Oh god, are you pregnant? 'Cause I really want to finish high school.