House

House: And I wouldn't have taken your bishop. I'd have moved my queen to d6, defusing the threat. Then rook to e8, attacking the king's pawn. I'd have lost the exchange, but won the game. Nate: I know. I was bluffing. And that's why... you lost.

Dr. Chase: Does your head hurt? Nate: Are you an idiot?

Dr. Chase: You sabotaged Foreman's job interview. Didn't you? House: Foreman already went over this. It wasn't me. Dr. Chase: Everybody's chasing ghosts over this, which means either nobody did, or someone wants everybody chasing ghosts, and who does that sound like? House: Why would I do that? Dr. Chase: Because as long as Foreman thought you were guilty, he'd been useless around here. House: Sometimes I forget why I hired you.

(In the lab) Dr. Chase: And it's Tuesday. Dr. Cameron: I know. Dr. Chase: (frustrated) I like you. Dr. Cameron: I know. See you next Tuesday!

(playing chess) House: Bird's Opening. Passive approach. Sign of a coward. Nate: Sicilian Defense. Sign of an idiot.

Dr. Cuddy: You killed Foreman's job interview. Dr. Wilson: Why would I... Dr. Cuddy: Somebody did. Wasn't me and it wasn't House, which means it has to be somebody who thought he was protecting House, which means it has to be someone who actually likes House, which means it's either you or the weird, night janitor who wears his pants backwards. Dr. Wilson: I want Foreman to leave. House has to realize he needs someone who stands up to him. Cameron is in love with him, Chase is afraid of him, and I enable him. House needs limits. Dr. Cuddy: I give him... Dr. Wilson: You authorize magic mushrooms.

House: Oh, almost forgot. I need to give a 16-year old magic mushrooms to treat a cluster headache. Is that cool? Dr. Cuddy: No problem. (House leaves the room, Cuddy runs after him) I was being sarcastic. House: Wouldn't look that way in the court transcript.

House: I like this kid. Dr. Chase: You haven't met him. House: I know you don't like him. What else do I need to know?

Dr. Cameron: What about ruptured dermoid cyst? House: (staggers) Sorry, just got dizzy there. I was expecting to turn right. It's Foreman's turn to be shot down.

House: Hey kid, I'll give you this for the... one dollar forty-one cents in your pocket. Mark: What? But how did you... House: A psychic once told me I'm psychic.

Dr. Wilson: You're lying. Dr. Cameron: Everyone does. But it wasn't me.

Nate: Who are you? House: Dr. McCaney.

Nate: (to House, playing chess) Age before cripple. I'm white.

House: Arrogance has to be earned. Tell me what you've done to earn yours. Nate: I can walk. House: I don't bleed out of my penis.

Nate: Hey, Dr. X… I know you've busted ass trying to save me. Dr. Foreman: It's all right. Nate: I wasn't going to thank you. I was gonna tell you you really suck at this. Dr. Foreman: We're doing our best. Nate: That's sort of my point. Your best really sucks.

House: Look, you got two choices. Engage me in a futile argument then do what I ask, or just do what I asked.

Nate: So do people watch what they say around you? Dr. Foreman: Because I'm black? Nate: No, because you're gay.

Dr. Chase: He's got a partial HPRT enzyme deficiency. Means he could have Kelley-Seegmiller syndrome. Dr. Cameron: But it's a partial deficiency. So it may not be Kelley-Seegmiller. House: Yes, those are the two options. It is or it isn't.

Dr. Foreman: Nate went medieval on the other kid. Could be... House: Hold on! I'm having a moment. This... this could be Foreman's last time mistakenly suggesting an adrenal gland tumor.

(playing chess) Nate: So, you want me to explain how you just lost, or do you want to stare at the board your full three minutes. Cling to hope?

House: (to Cameron) If you want to curry favor with me, avoid discussions of other men's testicles.

House: (to Cuddy) You are one evil cunning woman. It's a massive turn-on.