House

House: So you made your one effort to live a normal, selfish life, and the universe immediately smacked you down. And because we're wired to find meaning in semi-random events, you decided never to be that careless again. Dr. Wilson: You don't think that's... a little facile? House: Actually, I don't. I think you did it consciously. You've developed your people-pleasing talents like an Olympic athlete develops his muscles. Talk about an overreaction to a single event.

House: You chose to be uncomfortable. Now, why would someone choose that? Because... they hate themselves? Dr. Wilson: Has it ever occurred to you that when I don't share something, it might not be meant as a challenge? It might just mean that I'd like there to be one molecule of my life that goes unexamined by Gregory House.

House: The MRI show anything? Dr. Foreman: Nothing. House: Good. What fun would that be?

Nick: I'll pretend to be macho while a guy stuffs three feet of plastic up my nose. (to Taub) It's too bad it's not your nose. Lots more room to maneuver.

Kutner: And no marriage either if our patient keeps saying everything that comes into his head without regard for the consequences. Dr. Wilson: (to House) You always led me to believe you were one of a kind.

Nick: I don't mean to be abrasive. Especially since you're such a pleasure to imagine naked. Again, sorry. Thirteen: It's okay. Nick: Thank you for understanding. I'd do you, you know. Really, my apologies. This stuff just... Thirteen: It's okay. Dr. Cuddy: How's the patient? Nick: Whoa. I would do her in a minute with fudge and a cherry on top. Would someone please explain to this woman? There's only so many apologies I can– Thirteen: He has frontal lobe disinhibition. Nick: I've already embarrassed myself with one doctor. Who, I am at this moment imagining with you, in a king-size bed with a mirror on the ceiling.... I am so, so sorry. (to Cuddy) But if I couldn't have both of you together, you would definitely be my first choice. Dr. Cuddy: Where's House? Nick: Like trying not to think of an elephant. Not that you're an elephant. Your breasts, in fact, are all Homo sapiens. Dr. Foreman: House isn't here. Dr. Cuddy: Oh, he wouldn't have paged me if he couldn't watch and enjoy this.

Dr. Wilson: I'm not always nice. I'm not nice to you. House: Because you know nice bores me. Hence, still nice.

House: Why do you think the world will end in chaos and destruction if you're not there to save it. Dr. Wilson: Because when my parents put me in the rocket and sent me here, they said, "James, you will grow to manhood under a yellow sun."

House: Why did you hide that? Dr. Wilson: Because the world revolves around you. I devote time to anyone else, you'd end up stalking me and harassing them. House: You say that as though it wouldn't be fun.

House: You never take a walk unless you've got something you need to think about. Dr. Wilson: Maybe you just don't have a good statistical sampling of my walks.

Dr. Wilson: Taub. Another graduate of the House School of Being a Dick. House: Private dick.

Dr. Wilson: I may have overreacted. House: You definitely overreacted. Dr. Wilson: I knew you'd meet me halfway.