House

House: If it wasn't for Socrates, that raving, untreated schizophrenic, we wouldn't have a Socratic Method, the best way of teaching everything apart from juggling chainsaws. Without Isaac Newton we'd all be floating on the ceiling. Dr. Wilson: Dodging chainsaws, no doubt.

House: Ooh, girl in the boys' bathroom. Very dramatic. Must be very important what you have to say to me. Dr. Cuddy: Yesterday your patient's tumor was 5.8 centimeters. Today it's 4.6. How does that happen? House: At a guess, I'd say "Dr. House must be really really good, why am I wasting him on hiccups?" I wash before and after. Dr. Cuddy: You also requisitioned 20cc of ethanol. What patient was that for? Or are you planning a party?

House: Look, I have a cane and I know how to use it.

House: Love that outfit. It says "I'm a professional, but I'm still a woman." Actually, it sort of yells the second part. Dr. Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle, too.

Dr. Foreman: Mickey Mantle had a whole bar named after him - he got a transplant. House: Yeah, well, Lucy can't switch hit.

House: I can tell you're upset about something. You're going to open up to me now, aren't you? Luke: It's all my fault... House: Here we go...

Dr. Cameron: You really didn't know? House: No, I didn't, and frankly I'm angry. Which I'm guessing is the correct response. Of course I'll know better once I know what you're talking about. Dr. Cameron: Your birthday. House: Oh. Anger was a bad guess. Normally I'd put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the sun one more time. I really didn't think it was going to make it this year, but darn it if it wasn't the little planet that could all over again.

House: You think I'm crazy. Dr. Wilson: Well, yeah, but that's not the problem.

Luke: You said you wouldn't call. You're a real bastard, you know? House: Yeah, I get that a lot.

Dr. Wilson: You won't talk to patients because they lie, but give you a patient with no concept of reality...

House: Gee, I wish my idea was as cool and vivid as yours. By the way, do you have one?

House: It turns out your best judgment is not good enough. Here's an idea - next time, use mine.

House: So when I said, "no psych meds," I'm just curious--which word didn't you understand...?

Dr. Cameron: Happy birthday. House: Okay... whose?

House: The boys in the lab – sure, they're hard drinkers. But they're pros.

House: We needed blood for tests. I assume that was the only way to get it. Luke: (blocking House) (Foreman) knocked her out! House: Look, I've got a cane and I know how to use it.

House: How old is she? Luke: You're a doctor? House: Own my own stethoscope. Did I ask you how old she is? I forget.

Dr. Chase: (House) likes crazy people. He likes the way they think. Dr. Foreman: They think... badly. That's the definition of... crazy. Why would he like...? Dr. Chase: hey're not boring. He likes that.

Dr. Foreman: (House's) really talking to a patient. Dr. Chase: I don't know who I am any more.

Luke: Is this a good hospital? House: Depends on what you mean by "good." I like these chairs.