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House

Three Stories

Season 1, Episode 21, Aired May 17, 2005

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Trivia
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- During the differential diagnosis of the volleyball player, House has "tendonitis" written on the white board. While this is a commonly used and technically correct spelling, inside the medical profession the word is spelled "tendinitis."
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Quotes
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- Caring Student: It's the patient's call. Rebellious Student: The patient's an idiot. House: They usually are.
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- Stacy: God, you're an idiot. House: I think I'm more of a jerk.
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- House: The truth of the human condition is that everyone lies. The only variable is about what.
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- House: So I should help (Stacy) because she hates me? Dr. Wilson: She doesn't hate you. She loves you. She just... can't stand to be around you.
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- Carmen Electra: Can I put my pants back on now? House: I'd rather you didn't. Caring Student: Which Carmen Electra is this? House: The first one. The golfer. Keen Student: Then why isn't she wearing pants? (House just stares at him in disbelief)
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- Stacy: (to House) I know you're not too busy. You avoid work like the plague. Unless it is the plague.
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- Stacy: Did you think I wasn't going to get married? House: Not to someone so poorly endowed. This guy's pancreas is pathetic.
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- House: Three guys walk into a clinic. Their legs hurt. What's wrong with them? (keen student raises his hand) House: I am not going to like you, am I?
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- House I'll do the lecture for four hours off clinic. Dr. Cuddy: Two. I know you'd rather spend a couple of hours listening to yourself than listening to patients.
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- House: (about a lecture) I'm not doing it. (leaves, then stops) You're supposed to stop me. Renegotiate. Dr. Cuddy: Hmm, and you were supposed to keep on walking. Sorry, I guess we both screwed up. Go on, do it again.
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- House: (to Keen Student) I saw the way you were looking at Carmen. She's mine, stay away.
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- Stacy: You're in pain; you're not thinking clearly. House: That's why I need the damn morphine!
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- Chase: I don't care if he's scratching your nads off, don't let go.
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- House: (describing a case) And C... (cut to a mini-golf course) ...we've got Carmen Electra. Golfing. Keen: Whoa, you treated the Baywatch chick? House: The Baywatch thespian. And no, I've gotta disguise the identity of each of the patients and I got tired of using the middle-aged man. Carmen seemed like a pleasant alternative. Also, she's apparently quite the golfer.
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- House: How am I doing? Well, the last five years have been like… you ever see those "Girls Gone Wild" videos? Stacy: Your life has been like that, or been spent watching them.
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- House: I like my leg. I've had it for as long as I can remember.
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- Dr. Cuddy: Dr. Riley is throwing up; he obviously can't lecture. House: You witnessed the spew, or you just have his word for it? I think I'm coming down with a little bit of the clap. I may have to go home for a few days. Dr. Cuddy: Dr. Riley doesn't have a history of lying.
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- House: (walking away from the class) Can you still hear me? Rebellious Student: No. Caring Student: A little. Keen Student: Not really. House: If you can't hear me, how do you know what I asked?
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- House: Why is it always me? Cuddy: Because the world hates you. Or because it's a class of diagnostics. Pick whichever reason feeds your narcissism better.
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Notes
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- This episode was nominated for a DGA Award for Outstanding Directorial Achievement in Dramatic Series' - Night.
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- This episode won a Humanitas cash prize of $15,000. saluted for "its poignant probe into the pain and confusion that comes when someone we love disappoints us."
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- David Shore won an Emmy for Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series for this episode.
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Allusions
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- House...you ever see those Girls Gone Wild videos? Girls Gone Wild is a series of videos with young women in various states of drunkenness and nudity.
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- House: I assume that Cujo bit one of your neighbors a while back. Cujo is a novel about a rabid St. Bernard that bites folks, written by Stephen King.
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- House: The Baywatch thespian The syndicated tv hit, Baywatch, tended to be dismissed, acting-wise, due to the setting: lifeguards in skimpy bathing suits on a California beach.
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