Season 1 Episode 21

Three Stories

Aired Monday 9:00 PM May 17, 2005 on FOX



  • Trivia

    • During the differential diagnosis of the volleyball player, House has "tendonitis" written on the white board. While this is a commonly used and technically correct spelling, inside the medical profession the word is spelled "tendinitis."

  • Quotes

    • Caring Student: It's the patient's call.
      Rebellious Student: The patient's an idiot.
      House: They usually are.

    • Stacy: God, you're an idiot.
      House: I think I'm more of a jerk.

    • House: The truth of the human condition is that everyone lies. The only variable is about what.

    • House: So I should help (Stacy) because she hates me?
      Dr. Wilson: She doesn't hate you. She loves you. She just... can't stand to be around you.

    • Carmen Electra: Can I put my pants back on now?
      House: I'd rather you didn't.
      Caring Student: Which Carmen Electra is this?
      House: The first one. The golfer.
      Keen Student: Then why isn't she wearing pants?
      (House just stares at him in disbelief)

    • Stacy: (to House) I know you're not too busy. You avoid work like the plague. Unless it is the plague.

    • Stacy: Did you think I wasn't going to get married?
      House: Not to someone so poorly endowed. This guy's pancreas is pathetic.

    • House: Three guys walk into a clinic. Their legs hurt. What's wrong with them?
      (keen student raises his hand)
      House: I am not going to like you, am I?

    • House I'll do the lecture for four hours off clinic.
      Dr. Cuddy: Two. I know you'd rather spend a couple of hours listening to yourself than listening to patients.

    • House: (about a lecture) I'm not doing it. (leaves, then stops) You're supposed to stop me. Renegotiate.
      Dr. Cuddy: Hmm, and you were supposed to keep on walking. Sorry, I guess we both screwed up. Go on, do it again.

    • House: (to Keen Student) I saw the way you were looking at Carmen. She's mine, stay away.

    • Stacy: You're in pain; you're not thinking clearly.
      House: That's why I need the damn morphine!

    • Chase: I don't care if he's scratching your nads off, don't let go.

    • House: (describing a case) And C... (cut to a mini-golf course) ...we've got Carmen Electra. Golfing.
      Keen: Whoa, you treated the Baywatch chick?
      House: The Baywatch thespian. And no, I've gotta disguise the identity of each of the patients and I got tired of using the middle-aged man. Carmen seemed like a pleasant alternative. Also, she's apparently quite the golfer.

    • House: How am I doing? Well, the last five years have been like… you ever see those "Girls Gone Wild" videos?
      Stacy: Your life has been like that, or been spent watching them?

    • House: I like my leg. I've had it for as long as I can remember.

    • Dr. Cuddy: Dr. Riley is throwing up; he obviously can't lecture.
      House: You witnessed the spew, or you just have his word for it? I think I'm coming down with a little bit of the clap. I may have to go home for a few days.
      Dr. Cuddy: Dr. Riley doesn't have a history of lying to me.

    • House: (walking away from the class) Can you still hear me?
      Rebellious Student: No.
      Caring Student: A little.
      Keen Student: Not really.
      House: If you can't hear me, how do you know what I asked?

    • House: Why is it always me?
      Dr. Cuddy: Because the world hates you. Or because it's a class of diagnostics. Pick whichever reason feeds your narcissism better.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • ever see those Girls Gone Wild videos?
      Girls Gone Wild is a series of videos with young women in various states of drunkenness and nudity.

    • House: I assume that Cujo bit one of your neighbors a while back.
      Cujo is a novel about a rabid St. Bernard that bites folks, written by Stephen King.

    • House: The Baywatch thespian
      The syndicated tv hit, Baywatch, tended to be dismissed, acting-wise, due to the setting: lifeguards in skimpy bathing suits on a California beach.