Dr. Gregory House
Dr. Eric Foreman
Dr. Allison Cameron
Dr. Robert Chase
Dr. James Wilson
Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Dr. Cuddy: House, you have a minute to be disemboweled?
House: What am I gonna do?
Dr. Wilson: Just enjoy.
House: I'm gonna keep her around because she makes me an idiot?
Dr. Wilson: Well you're protected. Foreman seems immune.
House: You think he's gay?
Dr. Wilson: Did he become an idiot around Chase?
Amber: Why did you bring her in so late? It's not fair, the rest of us...
House: Hey hey hey, you wanted fair you picked the wrong job, the wrong profession... the wrong species.
House: Just watch twenty minutes of this stuff. Tell me if I'm out of my mind.
Dr. Wilson: Finally, we have video evidence.
Amber: Why did you hire her?
House: Not in front of the company.
Kutner: Ah... Are we gonna be on TV?
House: I'm making a music video. Come on, little faster, more energy.
Taub: Why are you glad Foreman is not here?
House: Because he would object on what I'm about to do.
(House and Dr. Taub come to see Dr. Cuddy in the clinic)
Dr. Cuddy: What are you two doing here?
House: Skipping three scenes. CT's back. He's gonna say that there's evidence of anomaly, I'm gonna say he's wrong, he's gonna go back to the father and we're all end up here.
Amber: Nasal Papilloma hemorrhage could overwhelm the heart.
House: Nice lipstick.
Amber: Thank you.
House: Bad idea. Hemorrhage came after the block. (tries to block the camera)
Dr. Foreman: House, let them do their job.
House: Is anybody here more interested in the medicine, little less interested in paparazzi?
House: Our patient has...
Amber: Why did you hire her?
House: Because she has way more diagnostic experience than the other swimsuit models I was considering.
Darnell: And you left his team because you couldn't stand him anymore?
Dr. Cameron: No, no, I love Dr. House.
Darnell: That's something we haven't heard.
Dr. Cameron: I mean... what did you ask me again??
Darnell: Why you left him?
Dr. Cameron: I mean.. I loved being around him... professionally, you know, it was always stimulating... not in an erotic sense of the word...
House: On the other hand, cameras make people act. Sometimes like human beings, sometimes just weird. Sometimes, they wear open-tip bras.
Dr. Cuddy: (defensively) It's cold in here.
House: She said something idiotic again, and I didn't even notice it. Foreman had to point out it was idiotic. She's making me an idiot.
Dr. Wilson: It's cute, you have a crush.
House: No, I think it's something systemic.
Dr. Wilson: Thirteen's pretty. You're obviously okay with her.
House: She killed a patient.
Dr. Wilson: The bitch is pretty.
House: The bitch is a bitch.
Dr. Wilson: Ask her out.
House: The bitch? She's a bitch.
Dr. Wilson: No, the one who's making you an idiot. It's the story of life: boy meets girl. Boy gets stupid. Boy and girl live stupidly ever after.
Dr. Cameron: I learned how to be a doctor from House. Or at least a doctor to learn how to be a doctor from House, if that makes any sense.
Darnell: And you left his team because you couldn't stand him any more?
Dr. Cameron: No, no. I, I love Dr. House.
Dr. Cuddy: You think I like the cameras? You think I want the whole world watching you checking out my ass and question my wardrobe?
House: Would it be better if I checked out your wardrobe and questioned your ass?
Dr. Cuddy: A little part of me…
House: There is no little part of you.
House: Let's go for a walk. Walks gives the illusion of the story moving forward.
House: I think she might be an idiot.
Dr. Wilson: Who?
House: But she can't be an idiot. She was in the CIA for God's sake.
Dr. Wilson: The Bay of Pigs was a daring triumph.
House: She had good ideas in Langley.
Dr. Wilson: All your ideas.
House: She was able to identify that they were good ideas.
Dr. Wilson: Stab in the dark here. Is she pretty?
House: She's new. She's nervous.
Dr. Wilson: She's a C-Cup?
House: She said one dumb thing in a differential. They all say dumb things in differentials.
Dr. Wilson: A D-Cup? If she's no good just fire her.
House: I can't! I just hired her. She left a career.
Dr. Wilson: Wow. Either that's actual guilt or I've got to see this woman.
House: I think I'm going blind.
Dr. Wilson: Hairy palms too?
House: Just a warning. We have to start getting consent every time we do a procedure, pretty soon they'll want informed consent.
House: Wow, you are ugly.
Kenny: Wow, you're an ass.
Dr. Wilson: Where'd you get those keys?
House: Blue the janitor.
Dr. Wilson: What?
House: That's his name.
Dr. Wilson: His name is Lou.
House: I owe him an apology.
Taub: There's a mass lesion in the left anterior temporal lobe surrounded by edema.
House: Did you just insult me in Pig Latin?
Dr. Wilson: You've got a problem.
House: Tell me something I don't know.
Dr. Wilson: You hire beautiful girls, enslave them, force them to be around you because you don't know how to have an actual relationship. If they're qualified, keep them. If not, fire them and ask them out.
House: You do realize that "tell me something I don't know" is just an expression.
House: We can try and pretend we're above it, we can try and intellectualize it away. But ultimately, shiny, pretty, perky things are good, and ugly, misshapen teenage boys are repulsive.
Darnell: The question was, do you resent Dr. Cuddy's interference in your practice?
House: Oh. Well, then I guess my answer wasn't very helpful, was it?
House: Take your steroids, you get to live, you can do your surgery. But it'll only change your face. It won't change who your face has made you.
House: I can't believe I'm that guy.
Dr. Wilson: Every guy is that that guy.
House: I'm not every guy.
Dr. Wilson: What is this, semantics here? All guys are that guy.
House: I'm not all guys! Cameron was smart.
Dr. Wilson: You know, I'm beginning to doubt that…
International Air Dates:
Australia - November 14, 2007
Brazil: March 1, 2008
The Netherlands: March 27, 2008
Italy: March 30, 2008 on Canale 5
United Kingdom: May 1, 2008 9pm on five
Bulgaria: May 6, 2008 on NTV
Israel: May 18, 2008 on HOT 3/YES Stars 3
Denmark: May 17, 2008 on SBS Net
The Czech Republic: October 13, 2008 on TV Nova
Germany: October 7, 2008 on RTL
Hungary: October 8, 2008 on TV2
Greece: November 1, 2008 on Star
Sweden: March 31, 2009 on TV4
Poland: April 23, 2009 on TVP2
The episode ended with a brief blurb for the Children's Craniofacial Association.
Music: My Home is in Your Head by Joseph Arthur, Slide Away by The Verve
House: Hey, hey, hey! You have an all-access pass to the case, not my Fave 5s.
Fave 5 is a service offered by T-Mobile in television commercials where you have unlimited calling to any five people from any network.
House: Suddenly I don't feel I can trust Michael Moore movies.
House is referring to Michael Francis Moore, an American author and a documentaries director (Fahrenheit 9/11, Sicko, and Bowling for Columbine).
House: I became a doctor because of the movie Patch Adams.
Referencing the 1998 movie, based on a true story, starring Robin Williams as a doctor fighting illness with humor.
House: Nope, Elephant Boy just vomiting up blood again.
Referencing the case of Joseph Merrick (often misnamed John), born 1862 in Leicester, England, who suffered from severe neurofibromatosis and Proteus syndrome (although often mistaken for elephantiasis). His illness caused severe deformity of the face. He became a celebrity of sorts in England and a play was made of his life in 1979, which was subsequently made into a movie in 1980.
Plastic Surgeon: Tell me what you don't like about yourself.
References Nip/Tuck, where doctors McNamara and Troy frequently ask their patients this question during their consults.
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