House Season 4 Episode 8

Taub: Ahem. (holds up a pair of black panties) Eau de Cuddy.
Cole: No way, how did you get them?
Taub: Only one way.
House: These are not Cuddy's panties.
Taub: You don't think that I...
House: No. Also, she's wearing a red bra today. (everyone looks at him) Like I'm the only one who noticed. Means the downstairs will match.

Thirteen: You spend your whole life.. looking for answers. Because you think the next answer would change something, maybe make you a little less miserable. And you know that when you run out questions you don't just run out of answers... you run out of hope. (slight pause) You glad you know that?

Taub: (uncovers rabbit cage) Aha! Tularemia.
Kutner: (not looking) Nah, you'd have to have rabbits.
Taub: True. Maybe a tick jumped from a rabbit and landed on one of these white fluffy alligators.

(House wakes up strapped to a chair)
House: Patient dead yet?
Thirteen: No.
House: That's a little much for a first date.
Thirteen: Obviously, you've never dated me.

Amber: Pseudomonas would present as an armpit rash. Take off your shirt.
House: You first.

Dr. Wilson: You knew they'd get paged?
House: I noticed a trend. If nobody does anything, sick people often get sicker. Do you think it's remotely possible they had sex?
Dr. Wilson: They're both single. It's still legal in the blue states.
House: She barely knows him.
Dr. Wilson: You know, in some cultures, hiring people to steal someone's underpants is considered wooing. You should move there. Because here it's just, you know, creepy.
House: There was no woo. This was an effective test.
Dr. Wilson: This is beneath my skills.

House: Pull down your pants.
Cole: You think I'm lying?
House: (sarcastic) No, I want to give you a reward. Yes, I think you're lying.

Kutner: I have a sick guy. I saw this magician last night…
House: The girl's fine. He didn't really cut her in half.

Flynn: (to House) You ever do magic as a kid? You seem like the type: lonely, obsessive.

House: Magic is cool. Actual magic is oxymoronic. Might not even be oxy.

House: Oh my God! You're not wearing underwear!
Dr. Cuddy: Of course I'm…
House: Skirt that tight, you got no secrets. Skirt that tight, I can tell if you've got an IUD.

Taub: Those really were her panties?
House: Cole has traveled through the forest of crustaceans and brought us a treasure.

House: I found an old picture in your wallet.
Thirteen: Of course you did.
House: I wasn't snooping. I needed lunch money.

Cole: You don't seem to care if you get this job or not.
Thirteen: Yeah, I've been here for eight weeks 'cause my subscription to Masochism Weekly ran out.

Dr. Wilson: Of course you're type AB. Universal recipient. You take from everybody.
House: Course, you're Type O, Universal Donor. No wonder you're paying three alimonies.

House: The whole point of this was to subvert Cuddy. You became her partner, gave her power she didn't already have. Let her greedy fingers into my cookie jar. Which, sadly, is not as dirty as it sounds.

House: I finally have a case of Lupus.

Dr. Foreman Umm, there's a guy bleeding.
House: Foreman, she's not wearing any underwear. You used to be more fun.
Dr. Foreman: She's not wearing any underwear, big deal. When she stops wearing clothing, then we can drop the medical stuff.