How I Met Your Mother Season 2 Episode 6

Druthers: (about the model trees Ted made) No good. Too green.
Ted: Too green?
Druthers: I want them to be more of a natural brown. Almost a burnette. Also, they need to be bushier.
Ted: Bushier?
Druthers: I want this tower to emerge from a thicket of unruly burnette bush. Can you picture it, Ted?
Ted: I can't unpicture it.

Barney: Tonight, just like John Mellencamp, I am going to get rid of the cougar once and for all.

Barney: Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge-
Marshall: I didn't challenge you to have sex-
Barney: Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins.

Barney: Now the blouse. The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible, to captivate her prey. You're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce.

(Robin is making a toast to Ted at the bar)
Robin: To Ted, the youngest person to ever design a building over 70 stories, probably!
Everyone in the bar: Probably!

[Lily walks up to Ted at the office]
Lily: Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own, stared at me until I laughed..

Barney: Let the hunt begin!
Marshall: Wait! I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with you hunting my constitutional law professor.
Barney: Who would you rather have grading your papers? A savage, man eating, jungle cat or a purring, satisfied kitty?
Marshall: Go Barney, go mount and stuff that cougar!

Mr. Druthers: Ted, I looked at your designs for the penthouse balcony, tell me, do you want to be an architect?
Ted: I..I am an architect.
Mr. Druthers: Really? Well my nephew plays with Lego, is he an architect?

(Marshall, Robin, Barney, and Ted are sitting in a Hawaiian restaurant. Lily walks up wearing a Hawaiian outfit and does not recognize them)
Lily: Welcome to Big Wave Luau may I tiki your drink order? (Sees them) Oh, crap..

Old Ted: Our client was a major bank and financial services company in Spokane. They wanted a modern skyscraper that still captured the distinct flavor and history of the northwest.
Mr. Druthers: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the Spokane National Bank building.
Client: That's a penis!

[Ted is showing Lily the model for the new skyscraper]
Lily: Wow, you weren't kidding, that really looks like a giant penis!
Ted: I know..

Marshal: I have never needed beer more than I do right now.
Ted: I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake, I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time and you said: "Dude, my semester is gonna be this."

Barney: Oh my god, incredible!
Lewis: Meh, C minus
Barney: C min-- what are you talking about I pulled an all-night-er
Lewis: You didn't budget your time well, you glossed over some of the most important points, and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive.