Older Ted – "It took me a while to figure out, but the key to understanding your Uncle Barney is this…"
August 2006 – Older Ted: "When times are hard, it's impossible to keep him around. Like when your aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were broken up."
May 2007 – "But when times are good, it's impossible to get rid of him." Barney joins Ted and Marshall and Ted tells them that they are working on Marshall's bachelor party. Ted tells Barney that they aren't going to have strippers, but Barney doesn't like the idea. Older Ted – "This is the worst thing that I could have said. You see, Uncle Barney loved cooking up bachelor parties and it was always the same recipe. You start with a slightly cramped hotel suite, arrange the chairs in a circle, fill them with your closest friends, turn the heat up to about 90, pump in a metric ton of cigar smoke, and then right in the middle of the room, and throw in a girl. But not a beautiful girl, no if this girl was beautiful, it was 2 kids, 3 tattoos, and one pesky substance abuse problem ago. Then she proceeds to do things that demean the groom, herself, and really, the entire human race. Back to May of 2007, Marshall tells Barney and Ted that he doesn't want that type of bachelor party. Barney ignores Marshall and decides that he will hire the stripper and maybe he can get the fourth one for free. Barney asks Marshall if he has problems with strippers that have prosthetic arms.
2007 – Ted tries to reason with Barney about the bachelor party, but Barney insists that he wants strippers. Ted explains that he doesn't like the kind of strippers that Barney hires so Barney tells him that he is going to get a better stripper. Ted tells him to promise to not hire a stripper, but doesn't believe it when Barney promises. The guys get together and Older Ted speaks about the group that has assembled: "So when the day arrived, we all climbed into a rented Escalade and set out. Now, every bachelor party is usually made up of the same stock characters. You've got the groom, the best man, the guy who speaks only in clichés, the guy who disappears in the beginning of the night and doesn't show up until the end. And, of course, well, Barney. Every bachelor party has a Barney." Barney brings out pornos for the guys to watch inside the vehicle. "The same night, Aunt Lily was a having a wedding shower. And Robin showed up gift in hand. Funny story about that gift." There is a flashback to where Robin got the gift. She shows Barney the negligee that she got for Lily and Barney makes fun of her for not getting something more racy. He then directs her to a better store to get something more appropriate. "And so Aunt Robin went to a store on Eighth Avenue and bought a battery-powered, adult-recreational… Well, it was something inappropriate. And we're back in." Back to the wedding shower and Robin shows up to a shower with a bunch of old ladies whom Lily introduces as his aunt and grandmother. Robin is concerned about her gift and then meets Lily. She tries to guess what the present is, but doesn't get it right and adds the gift to the pile. Lily then introduces her cousin who is becoming a nun. Back to the guys in the Escalade and they are watching the porno. Barney brings out five Cuban cigars for them to smoke, but not until they get to Atlantic City. Marshall tells them that they are not going to Atlantic City, so Barney talks to Ted and tells him that he has a stripper waiting for them in Atlantic city. Ted tells Barney that they are going to Foxwood's, watching a boxing match, eating a huge steak, and playing craps. Barney is upset. They show up at the hotel and when they walk into the hotel room, they see a stripper. They have to hurry because the fight starts soon, but the stripper makes them sign releases for their time together. At the wedding shower, Robin tries to telepathically tell Lily to not open her gift during the party, but Lily misunderstands her and tells her mother to give her a tampon. When Robin tries to take the gift out of the pile, the future nun stops her. Older Ted – "As many times as Robin told this story over the years, she would never quite be able to explain he logic of her next move." Robin exchanges the card from another gift packaged with the same wrapping paper. At the bachelor party, the stripper has a smoke machine and starts the show. Older Ted – "Of course, there's no way I'm gonna tell you about her show. So let's skip ahead a little." One minute later, the stripper is being carried out of the hotel room with a broken ankle. Marshall yells at Barney for making him spend his bachelor party in the hospital.
On the way to the hospital, they fight about how they are missing the fight, but when they turn it on, they hear that the knockout was history in the making. At the wedding shower, the future nun hands Lily Robin's present and the card states that it from Lily's grandmother. Older Ted – "Okay, something you need to know. Grandma Lois thought she was giving her granddaughter an antique sewing machine. And we're back in." Lily's grandmother explains how generations in her family have used what she is getting as a present. At the hospital, the stripper comes out and meets up with the guys and tells them that her ankle is broken. She gives a sob story, but Barney doesn't care. Marshall tells her that she doesn't have to finish the show, but she gets very upset and they go back to the hotel room to continue. Back to the wedding shower, Lily's grandmother is still telling her about how they used to use the gift she was giving her and how the men even used it once in a while. Lily opens the present and when Lily sees it, she is disgusted because of all of the stories that her grandmother told her. Her grandmother offers to show her how to use it, but Robin stops her from taking it out of the package and explains herself. Lily's family gathers around to see what it is and when Lily's mother sees it, she brings up Sex and the City and how it was like the one they had on the show. Older Ted – "And then the night became a whole new kind of uncomfortable." Lily's mother even asks Robin where to get one.
The guys are eating their big steak and not having any fun because of the stripper. Barney wonders if he put out the cigar and it turns out that he didn't and there was a small fire in their room. Older Ted – "it was a small fire, not even big enough to force an evacuation of the hotel, but definitely big enough to get us kicked out, and bring Marshall's bachelor party to an early end." They got kicked out and then found the guy that leaves at the beginning of the party and you meet up with him at the end on the side of the street, naked, so they picked him up. The guys meet up with the girls at the bar and they recount their night and Marshall starts yelling at him for not being a good friend. Marshall mentions that he doesn't even want them to get married. Lily tells a story about when they had broken up during the summer and left the bar because he didn't want to hear the story. He flew and stopped by Lily's apartment and tells Lily to fly back home and get married because Marshall was depressed without her. He gives her a plane ticket and tells her to go home. He then walks off telling her that if she tells the story, he will deny it and back in 2007, he doesn't deny it. Ted suggests that Barney be his best man and Barney rubs it in Ted's face, but Marshall suggests that he and Ted are co-best men.
Lily thanks Robin for the gift and tells her that she doesn't really want, but when Robin tells her that she will take it, they go back and forth and eventually Lily keeps the gift, telling her to leave it.