How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 20

Barney: We'll just sneak in.
Marshall: We are not sneaking in to a high school prom.
Lily: Yes we are, it's the only way.
Ted: You are getting on board with Barney's idea? Man, you really have snapped.

Marshall: It'll be cool. I'll tell you what, we'll make a game out of it. First one to stuff a hundred invitations gets a big prize.
Ted: Do I look like I'm four? (pause) All right, what kind of prize are we talkin' about?

Robin: And look, you can still travel, you can still paint, and as far as your lesbian experience. (kisses Lily) Happy?
Lily: Yeah. So, field hockey, huh?
Robin: Shut up.

Lily: (waking up suddenly) Crap! Band! We forgot a band! It's just gonna be silence and then people chewing.

Lily: Even if a dinosaur should poke his head out of my butt and consume this coffee table, I need you to roll with it.

Barney: Guys, I just tasted an amazing caterer.
Lily: We already have a caterer.
Barney: Oh right! You're getting married. (to Ted) You see what I did there?

Lily: (goes up to the nerds on the side) Hey boys, wanna take two hot girls to the prom?
Nerd: Sorry, we don't have money.
Robin: It's free.
Nerds: Okay then!

Lily & Robin: (to Barney about their prom dresses) Alright, what do you think?
Barney: Horrible!
Lily: (disgusted) You'd make such a great dad.
Barney: It's so classy and nice; you're going to stick out like a sore thumb. Have you seen how the kids are dressing these days? With the Ashley, and the Lindsay and the Paris. They all dress like strippers. It's go ho or go home.
Lily: Well we have to get in. I have to see this band because we have to make a decision by Monday because I'm getting married in 71 days and we still…
Robin: (cutting off Lily's panicked rant) Shhh shhhh. Sweetie, let's focus on one thing at a time, okay? Right now you just have to dress like a whore and that's it.
Lily: Alright.
Barney: That's the spirit. Now ladies, slut up!

Ted: So how was your first prom?
Robin: You tell me. I hated my dress. My date got wasted and puked on me. There was a huge fight. And I kissed a girl.
Ted: So basically, it was a prom.
Robin: Okay, I've missed you. Not in a we're going to make out way. Not even in an I forgive you way, just in an "I've missed you" way.
Ted: I'll take what I can get.

Nerd 2: So what's the deal here, am I getting lucky tonight?
Robin: Oh, Shawn, look, umm, you're a nice guy but I just don't…
(Nerd 2 throws up all over Robin)
Robin: No, you're not getting lucky tonight.

Scooter: You're breaking up with me?
Lily: There is so much I still want to do. I want to travel, live overseas, as an artist, maybe have a lesbian relationship, plus I think I was just dating you because you look a little like Kurt Cobain.
Scooter: I can change; I can look more like Kurt Cobain.

Nerd 1: Hey, you ladies want something to take the edge off?
Robin: (as she takes a flask from him) What the hell, it's prom. (takes a drink and coughs) That tastes like cough syrup!
Nerd 1: Yeah, we couldn't get any alcohol. Our fake IDs said we're only 20, and we didn't realize it until after we bought them.
Robin: Nerds who aren't good at math? Life is going to be rough boys.

Marshall: Awww. They grow up into skanks so fast, don't they Ted?

Barney: (To Ted and Marshall) Wow, hey Thelma, Louise! You all don't drive off no cliffs now, ya hear. Laaaaame! But seriously, leave me a message and we'll meet up later.

Robin: I'll go with you.
Lily: Really?
Robin: Yea. I never got to go to my prom; we always had field hockey nationals in the spring.
Barney: (coughs, then speaks) Lesbian!
Robin: The cough was supposed to cover the lesbian.
Barney: No, I'm trying to start a thing where the cough is separate.

Ted: You are getting on board with Barney's idea? Man, you really have snapped.
Lily: It's 9 weeks until the wedding, at this point I'd say yes to just about anything.
Barney: Well…
Lily: No Barney!

(To Barney)
Lily: Your job is very simple. At the wedding, do not sleep with anyone even remotely related to me.
Barney: Yea. Lily, you know I can't promise that.

Marshall: It is on! It is on like the former Soviet Republic of Azerbaijan.