How I Met Your Mother

Marshall: Ted, how many times have I told you to put the lid back on the peanut butter jar? It's this inconsiderate, immature jackassery that makes me feel like I'm living in The Real World house! And not the early days when they all had jobs and social consciouses, I'm talking Hawaii, and after! I can't take it anymore! Ted, Lily and I are married now! It's time! We're getting our our own place! Lily: Actually, I'm the one who left the lid off. Sorry, baby.

Ted: You're not really going to try and snake this apartment away from Marshall and Lily, are you? Barney: You think I have no morals whatsoever? I'm only pretending to live here so I can bring this woman here, nail her, and never have to see her again. I'm not a monster.

Robin: I know what they were fighting about, and it wasn't peanut butter. Ted: Nice try, rook. But there's a reason your name is Robin and not Batman.

Barney: I met a girl last night. Ted: Really? Barney: She's so perky, and full of life, and not at all fake. Ted: You are talking about her boobs, right? Barney: C, and that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. Wuddupp!

Robin: Well, it's been nice knowing you guys. Ted: What do you mean? Robin: Well, Marshall's going to get you guys, Lily's going to get me. Ted: Even if they break up, it doesn't mean we still can't all hang out. I mean, we broke up and we still hang out. It's not weird. Robin: It's a lil' weird. Ted: Yeah, it is. It's weird.

Robin: What the hell are you doing? You can't buy this place, Lily, you have a debt the size of Mount Waddington! Lily: Waddington? Robin: It's the tallest mountain in Canada. It's, like, 4,000 meters high. Lily: Meters?

Meg: (sees framed picture in apartment for sale) Who are these people? Barney: Eh, that's my parents. Meg: They're... Asian. Barney: Yeah, they're a Chinese couple that wanted a white baby; it works both ways.