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Marshall: To get some more money, I was thinking we could sell your stuff.
Lily: Hey, that's just a game we play in the bedroom.
Marshall: No, I mean all your designer pieces.
Lily: Wait, why just mine? Why can't we sell your stuff?
Marshall: We can try, but I think your Marc Jacobs cocktail dress is gonna bring in a little more than my "Split Happens" bowling shirt.
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Abby: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Barney: I think so.
Abby: You're thinking about having sex with Ted?
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Barney: Why are you trying to ruin my life?
Abby: You slept with me, and you never called me again.
Barney: And?
Abby: That's it!
Barney: That's it?! As far as I'm concerned, if I leave you safe on dry land with adequate transportation home you got nothing to complain about!
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Abby: (after having sex with Barney) I'm sorry I called you "Ted".
Barney: I'm sorry I called you "Abby".
Abby: I am Abby!
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Marshall: Okay, today's category, Classic Westerns that Involve Red Cowboy Boots. Robin.
Robin: The Good, the Bad and the Fabulous.
Lily: The Magnificent Kevin.
Marshall: No Country for Straight Men.
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Marshall: I'm here about the painting my wife, Lily, sold you—the one in the nice frame.
Lawrence: (looking Marshall up and down) Talk about a nice frame. My, you are a big one, aren't you? And you're married to that little bit of a thing, how does that work? (leans closer) I'd like to find out.
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Ted: You're obviously a man of exquisite taste. Let me ask you something. What do you think of these boots?
Lawrence: Walter! Boots.
Walter: Pulling. Them. Off.
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Robin: I really like this painting. It's neat. The colors are neat, the shapes are neat, the overall painting is... neat.
Ted: Clarify something about your critique. Do you think the colors are neat or neato-burrito?
Robin: At least I'm not wearing red cowboy boots.
Ted: I'm pulling them off!
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Robin: Everyone has something in their closet they don't wear.
Ted: I don't.
Robin: Really, red cowboy boots?
Ted: I pull those off.
Marshall: Hey, Lil, if I said, "Ted cannot pull these off" what would I be talking about?
Lily: His red cowboy boots.
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Marshall: I already made a website. Marshall-and-Lily-sell-their-stuff.com.
Lily: No, you know what would be a better name? Guy-forces-his-wife-to-dress-in-a-garbage-bag-for-the-next-three-years.com (Types it in) It already exists.
Ted: That woman is really wearing a garbage bag.
Lily: But honey, you cannot pull off a tall kitchen.
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Barney: Abby and I are in love. Not hot, passionate love. Couple love! You know, movie night with my girlfriend then waiting for her to go to bed so I can steal one pitiful moment of hollow ecstasy by the cold blue light of my computer monitor.
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Ted: Hey, how was your day?
Lilly: Today I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow.
Ted: A rainbow?! Sounds like that bitch had it coming.