How I Met Your Mother Season 2 Episode 12

Lily: Why is this such a big deal?
Marshall: Why is this such a big deal? Oh, I'm sorry Christopher Columbus, the world was actually discovered by some dude named Scooter. Hey Neil Armstrong, it actually goes one small step for man, and one giant leap for SCOOTER. Hey Adam, guess who got with Eve before you did!

Ted: (About Barney's "first time") That's Dirty Dancing. It was on last night.
Marshall: No, it was two nights ago. "She's Like the Wind" has been stuck in my head forty-eight hours, I got it out and now it's back in. Damn you, Swayze!

Marshall: A month ago, you told me relationships were like a traveling circus.
Barney: No this is new, this trumps that. Freeways have exits, so do relationships. The first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower.
Robin: So every girl you have sex feels the immediate need to shower? Actually yeah, I get that.
Barney: The next exit are four days, three weeks, seven months, (To Ted and Robin) That's when you two are gonna break up, mark your calendars.
Ted: Hey!
Robin: Hey!
Barney: Then a year and a half, eighteen years, and the last exit: death, which if you've been with the same woman for your entire life, it's like "Are we there yet?"

(After having sex)
Marshall: That was amazing.
Lily: Yeah. Wanna do it again?
Ted: Please don't.

Ted: Did anybody put baby in the corner?
Barney: Oh, God, no.

Katie: Kyle is a really nice guy. He could have cheated on me with my lab partner Gretchen Gwynn, but he didn't, because he said he'd knew I'd find out.
Ted: That's very gallant.

Marshall: Speaking of waiting, I signed an abstinence pledge in high school. It's totally cool to wait. And stay away from drugs, other than pot. (Winks)

Barney: Watch your step when you get up kids, because I'm about to drop some knowledge.

Robin: Wanna watch The Little Mermaid and drink some Yoo-hoo?
Katie: Only if you put a bucketload of Kahlua in it.
Robin: Don't tell Ma.

Ted:(About saying "I love you" to Robin on their first date) Oh, come on! It shows I'm brave and bold like a knight!
Robin: No, it shows that you're an "I love you" slut.
Ted: Well, then you're an "I love you" prude.

Robin: Usually, by now I find out the guy has some weird personality thing that makes me want to take the next exit.
Lily: Yeah, I've been there. I once dated a guy who could only go to the bathroom when classical music was playing...Okay, it was Marshall.

Ted and Robin are hugging at the apartment
Robin: I love you. I said it, it feels right, I love you.
Ted: I'm gay.
Robin: Oh God..
Ted: I'm kidding!

Ted: Come on, you were only 16 when you had sex, I was 17..
Marshall: You were 18.
Ted: ..Barney was probably 12.
Barney: Good one Ted. I was six..ff..four..how old were you again?
Ted: 17
Barney: Dude, me too!

Talking about virginity, again.
Robin's Sister: You were only 16 when you lost yours.
Robin: How do you know that?
Robin's Sister: Because you left your diary in your old room slash my new room.
Barney: I'll pay you $10 000 for that diary!

(About losing your virginity)
Robin: Everyone thinks you should wait. Right guys?
Lily, Marshall and Ted: You should wait.
Barney: Sex is fun!

Ted: You guys are lucky you came here with an architect. Empire state building fun fact number one: When construction began, on March 17th 1930, the framework rose at a rate of four and a half stories per week.
Everyone gives Ted a uninterested look..
Ted: Four and a half stories per week...
Everyone gives Ted the same uninterested look, though Marshall and Lily tries to add a nod to it.
Ted: Four and a half stories per week!
Chorus: Woow..
Ted: There it is!

Robin: I'm her older sister. I'm suppose to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions.
Lily: It's 2 o'clock and you've already had three scotch and sodas.

(Robin's sister is planning to lose her virginity, tonight.)
Robin: This can't happen, you guys have to help me talk her out of it!
Marshall: A speech to talk a girl out of having sex..
Ted: Yea, I don't have any of those.
Barney: Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.

Robin and Lily has just spotted Robin's sister at the airport
Robin: This reminds me of when I used to see her coming up the drive-way from school, with her little pigtails and her Hello Kitty-backpack.
Robin's sister starts making out with a guy.
Lily: Oh! Hello kitty..

Barney: Freeways have exits, so do relationships. The first exit, my personal favorite is 6 hours in, you meet, you talk, you have sex and you exit when she's in the shower.
Robin: So every girl you have sex with feels the immediate need to shower? Actually yea, I get that..

Ted is telling his kids about the different stages leading to the actual part where you say "I love you"
Old Ted: And then there's the moment when you know you know it and you can't keep it in any longer.
Robin: Ted!
Ted: Yea?
Robin: Falafel!

Barney: Oh, why Lily Aldrin you saucy little Harlot. Could it be that before Marshall took a swim, somebody else tested the water?
Marshall: Noooo. Nobody else tested the water, right?
(Lily starts adjusting her hair)

Katie: Robin, this is happening. I already put it up on my Myspace page. I need a clove.
Robin: What? You smoke now, too?

Robin: (to Kyle) This is my friend Lily.
Kyle: Hot!
Robin: You say things!

Lily: Falafel?
Robin: Falafel.
Lily: Instead of telling Ted you love him, you said falafel?
Robin: I totally choked.
Lily: I just don't get. Why can't you tell Ted you love him?
Robin: Well come on, this is a big deal for me.
Lily: Awww, God, you'd think you'd never said it to a guy before.
Robin looks away