How I Met Your Mother Season 4 Episode 6

Marshall: There she is! Go get her, buddy!
Robin: Go get rid of your demons!
Barney: My leg is asleep!

Marshall: What are you going to say?
Ted: I'm gonna say, "I'm sorry things didn't work out." (everyone groans) She'll tell me her side, and I'm gonna listen. Probably should have done more of that before.
Barney: Excuse me driver, could you drive us into the nearest lamp post? Everyone buckle up. Not you, Ted.

Robin: Who's Becca DeLucci?
Barney: She's a girl who lives upstate I used to visit now and again.
Ted: Where exactly upstate, Barney?
Barney: Bedford Hills Federal Penitentiary.

Barney: Ted, I am a person who, let's just face it, there are a lot of people I don't want to see. People of the chicks-I've-banged persuasion. But if any of them were to walk in here, I would stand up, look them right in the eye, some of them for the very first time.
Ted: Really? You wouldn't hide from anyone? Not even Becca DeLucci?
Barney: You son of a bitch!

Marshall: (about Stella) She's placing an order to go.
Ted: Did she seem happy? Did she say anything about me? I don't care. I've moved on. Where are those almonds?
Barney: Gee, where would Ted's nuts be? My guess is in the vice in Stella's garage.

Barney: (comes in with two girls) Hey, kiddo.
Ted: Barney, I'm fine. This isn't necessary, it's actually kind of weird. No offense, ladies.
Barney: I did not realize you'd be home. Ladies, to the stairwell!

Ted: It's funny, looking back on it now. I was so sure Stella was the one. And when she left me, I was so devastated. But you guys got me through it, and now the painful part's over, I've come out the other side a little bit stronger. You know, I hardly even think about her anymore. That's what time does, I guess.
Lily: Ted, the wedding was yesterday.

Ted: Okay, guys, follow my lead. (gets under the table)
Marshall: What do we do?
Lily: Is he serious?
Barney: I'm not getting under this table. (sees a table of hot girls) I'd get under that table.

(Ted imagines confronting Stella)
Ted: You picked the wrong guy.
Stella: Ted?
Ted: You picked the wrong guy. You made a really, really, really bad choice. What were you thinking? That guy? Are you kidding me? Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? You're just gonna regret this. You know that, right? You are going to regret this, and now there is nothing you can do about it because it's too late. All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could have had with me. Good-bye.
Stella: Ted, wait.
Ted: Look, Stella, I am not here to win you back. I am here because I need to know that you know you made the biggest mistake of your life.
Stella: I know.