Voice of Ted, 2030
When Ted is talking to Barney and Robin at MacLaren's, Barney scolds Ted by erroneously calling him Ted Vivien Mosby. When Ted replies, "That's not my middle name", Robin takes a sip of her drink. When the shot goes back to Barney, we see that Robin again picks up her drink to sip from the straw.
Ted: Are you sick?
Barney: Is it sick to find maturity and experience sexy?
Barney: Too weak, to hold bowl.
Robin: Find I'll feed you.
(Robin feeds Barney some soup)
Barney: Ouchie in my mouth.
Robin blows on soup to feed barney again
Barney: I don't want it, I want ice cream.
Robin: No you're not having ice cream for dinner just cause your sick.
Barney: But my throat hurts.
Barney: I hate you!
(Robin prepares to leave)
Barney: Don't leave me.
Ted: I promise I will never call you a... you know, ever again.
Lily: It's okay. I was kind of a Grinch!
Boy: What's a Grinch?
Lily: Umm... it's a word you shouldn't say!
Boy: Mom, what's a Grinch?
[Stacy spits out her drink in horror]
Kids: (Chanting) Grinch! Grinch! Grinch!
Ted: Uhh, Merry Christmas!
(Running out with his friends)
Ted: Let's get out of here!
Ted: She took the decorations? That Grinch!
Older Ted: That time I really did say Grinch.
Barney: [Sick in bed] This is a low point for the Barnacle. I should be out playing laser tag, being awesome. Don't look at me, I'm hideous!
Robin: Oh, come on. You look like a regular guy.
Barney: Exactly. I'm a Ted. Look at me, I'm wearing elastic waistband fleece pants.
Robin: But they're comfy, right?
Barney: [Weakly and ashamed] Yes...
Marshall: (over the phone) Oh, wait! Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted, one more thing: how 'bout the cookies? Are they delicious?
(pause, as Ted recalls:)
Robin: (screaming, as smoke bellows out of the oven and she unloads a fire extinguisher at the inferno) AAAHHHHHHHH! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
(back to the present)
Ted: You know, honestly, they taste a little store-bought.
Ted: C'mon, Lily, we're supposed to be friends!
Lily: Yeah, some "friend!" You called me a Grinch!
Ted: You were a Grinch!
Lily: (stunned) How can you s--
Ted: Grrrinchy, Grrrrinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grrrrrrrinch, Grinch, Grrrrinch!
(Suddenly, the whole apartment blacks out)
Lily: Happy? Now you've pissed off the big guy upstairs!
Ted: Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I--
Voice from above: You use that language again, and I'll turn off your water!
Lily: That's my super. He lives above me.
Barney: (increasingly feeble; clearly sick) In two minutes... I'm gonna pound a sixer of Red Bull... hop in a cab... play a couple hours of Laser Tag, maybe... get a spray-on tan... it's gonna be LEGEN-- wait for it--...(snores)
Marshall: When you walk through the door, does it feel like you are being slapped in the face by Christmas?
Barney: Christmas is a time when people are lonely and desperate, it's the most wonderful time of the year.
Barney: Ted Vivian Mosby!
Ted: That's not my middle name..
Barney: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Ted: Like you've never said that word?
Barney: I don't kiss your mother with my mouth, yet...
(Lily has just heard a message from Ted to Marshall where he calls her something very very bad.)
Lily: I'm a what?
Ted: That was Barney...
Lily: That was you, Ted!
Ted: That was Marshall...
Lily: Marshall left a message for Marshall?
Ted and Lily listens to an old message on the answering machine
Ted: Hey Marshall! Are you lying on the couch right now moping about Lily? You are, aren't you? Stop it! She's not worth it, you gotta get over that grinch!
Old Ted: But I didn't say grinch.. I said a bad word, a very very bad word.
Ted: Oh fudge..
Old Ted: But I didn't say fudge..
Marshall: Okay, I'll be back here at five, save me at least 20 cookies and do not clean the bowl!!
Ted (To his nephews): Alright, don't tell your mom, but I got you guys some presents.
Nephew: Like the gift of God's love?
Ted: No, dude. Real presents.
Nephew (To his mom): Uncle Ted got us presents!
Stacy: That's okay. Ted, we'll just give them to charity.
Stacy: Not you Charity. I meant the less fortunate.
Robin: You're spending Christmas Eve with your family? Baby, that sucks I'm so sorry.
Ted: Oh, they're fine, they're just...they're a little weird. You know they don't believe in gifts or Christmas trees? And they think Santa's how Satan spells his name when he wants to trick us.
Barney: (after blowing his nose) My nose was just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out!
Barney: Oh Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north. Let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop feeling sick, and be awesome instead. True story.
Robin (to Barney on fire escape): Barney! What the hell are you doing? Get in here. It's freezing outside. Are you insane?
Barney: Hey, blame Lily and her oppressive, no cigars in the apartment rule! God, it's like Marshall's marrying the Taliban.
Older Ted (Voiceover): Kids, as you know, Christmas is a time you spend with your family. So in December of 2006 I had three options, spend it with my mom and her new boyfriend Clint, Spend it with my dad and his new girlfriend micro brew, or go down to Staten Island and spend it with my super religious cousin Stacy and her family. I opted for none of the above. I decided to spend Christmas 2006 in Manhattan, with my other family.
The German episode title is "Wie Lily Weihnachten gestohlen hat", an exact translation. The French title is "La Vengeance de Lily", meaning "Lily's Vengeance". The Italian title is "Natale fra amici", meaning "Christmas among Friends".
International Airdates: Czech Republic: January 21, 2010 on Prima COOL
There is much speculation from fans as to what Ted actually called Lily, as the traditional guess would be b****. However, shortly after this episode Barney's Blog added a 'Motherspeak' section pointing it out as a four-letter-word, thus narrowing down the possible expletives, most likely making the word c**t.
Clarence Carter - "Backdoor Santa"
Clint, Ted's Mother's new boyfriend, was played by Harry Groener. He played Mayor Willkins on Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
When Barney is sick in bed and Robin is taking care of him he turns away and says, "Look away, I'm hideous," much like Kramer says to Jerry when he has been smoking for three straight days because he decides to turn his apartment into a smoking lounge in the Seinfeld episode, "The Abstinence".
Episode Title: "How Lily Stole Christmas"
Refers to the classic cartoon and newer movie (starring Jim Carrey), "How The Grinch Stole Christmas". Both are based on the Dr. Seuss book.
Only I didn't say Fudge.
This is a take off of A Christmas Story, where Little Ralph says "Oh fudge" when he loses the nuts from the tire.
In the movie, Ralph also says he "didn't say Fudge"
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