How I Met Your Mother

Season 1 Episode 19

Mary the Paralegal

Aired Monday 8:00 PM Apr 24, 2006 on CBS
out of 10
User Rating
531 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Robin is nominated to receive an award for a news report, and everyone needs a date to take to the show. Barney introduces Ted to Mary as a date that Ted can take to the show. Originally, Ted is opposed to the idea of just trying to save face in front of Robin, but when she shows up with a date he changes his mind. Robin asks Mary lots of questions, and Ted begins to really like Mary, despite her occupation.moreless

Who was the Episode MVP ?

  • The best episode ever!

    As you can see at my title, this is the best episode from all How I Met Your Mother for me. There is so much fun and awesomeness! I cant find any bad word to this episode. Just awesome and legendary!
  • The Lame(a) Awards

    This was a good episode because the last one was very heavy. We are introduced more to Sandy Rivers, who is Robin's co-anchor. While he is douchey, he comes off s very likeable. I can't really explain it. You have to watch to find out for yourself. I enjoyed the games that Robin and Ted played against each other. It wasn't your typical people who have a fight situation. The date that Barney set up for Ted, you were led to believe that Mary was a prostitute. She delivered her lines in a great way. What seemed like something small, Lilly's behavior was more then just nap time being taken away. (Wait for it)

    I enjoyed the ending in that everything was not wrapped up nicely but advance some.moreless
  • Barney sets Ted up with who he thinks is a prostitute in order to make Robin jealous.

    Ted has recently made things awkward between him and Robin. However, three months prior, he agreed to go to an awards banquet in which Robin was nominated for because of one of her stories. Ted thought he would be bringing Victoria but now since she's in Germany and they have broken up, he's without a date and thinking about not going. But Barney introduces him to a very lovely and funny woman named Mary who he secretly tells Ted is a prostitute, but she's "covering up" as a paralegal. When everyone at the table believes Mary is a prostitute as well, she and Ted go up to a hotel room to make Robin, who left with date, Sandy Rivers, jealous. However, Ted and Mary get into an argument over her real occupation and it ultimately results in her leaving and Ted pissed at Barney. Creative but hard-to-follow prank set by Barney. Decent episode, and as for Robin, she wasn't fooling anybody.moreless
  • Barney wants to set Ted up with a prostitute.

    "Mary the Paralegal" is a funny How I Met Your Mother episode. In this episode, Barney tries setting up Ted with this woman and he says she's a prostitute. The thing is, Ted starts to get to know this woman and finds out he actually likes here. I love how Barney pretends to lie and say that she's a paralegal. I love how Ted thinks he's with a prostitute pretending to be a paralegal. I love how future Ted was like "and that's I how I met your mother" and his kids give him a weird look and he's all "just kidding". I love how Mary wasn't actually a prostitute, that she was actually a paralegal, but Barney just wanted to mess with Ted's head. I give this episode a 10/10.moreless
  • you're a parralegal.

    this episode was so funny. sandy rivers, come on, i found that so clever. alexis denisof looked really different, and yet so strange. yosemete sammy, haha. ted takes a girl who he thinks is a hooker to robin's award thing. she actually is a parralegal but barney loves making ted mad. i would too. he ends up telling her she is a hooker and it is hilarous. she kept saying innocent things by accident that implied she was a hooker. this episode was so cool, and great that they had lily's husband in real life on. very cool.moreless
Erinn Bartlett

Erinn Bartlett


Guest Star

Robert Michael Morris

Robert Michael Morris

Vampire Lou

Guest Star

Bob Saget

Bob Saget

Voice of Ted, 2030

Recurring Role

Alexis Denisof

Alexis Denisof

Sandy Rivers

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (22)

    • Barney: You should bring an escort.
      Ted: An escort? Like a prostitute?
      Barney: Yeah, why not?
      Ted: Because... gross?

    • Ted: Look, I shouldn't go.
      Marshall: You should definitely go, look, it's a chance to show her you are still friends and that you support her.
      Barney: Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter, or even better, triple threat, hotter and bigger boobs!
      Ted: That's only two.
      Barney: Count again!

    • Barney: (To Ted) Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it's the world's oldest profession.
      Marshall: You really think that's true?
      Barney: Oh yea, I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers, like, an extra fish for putting out.
      Marshall: Ah ha, so the oldest profession would be fishermen. Kaboom! You've been lawyered!

    • Barney: That's adorable Ted. You're such a hayseed. The companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century. You do realize that 1 out of every 8 adult women in America is a prostitute.
      Marshall: Dude you just made that up.
      Barney: Withdrawn.
      Marshall: Lawyered!
      (Barney growls)

    • Barney: I've got the next best thing, Mary. She's smart, she's hot, she's totally cool.
      Ted: No, she sounds great. Who knows, maybe we can fall in love and get married if we get a blessing from her pimp.

    • Barney: Let's get you a hooker! It'll be fun!
      Ted: To bring to the banquet ironically, or to have sex with?
      Barney: Yes!

    • Ted: I should just skip this thing entirely. Robin is still pissed at me after, you know.
      Barney: You lied and said you were broken up with Victoria before you actually were, so you could try and nail Robin and you end up loosing both girls in one night.
      Ted: Yes, that's what I meant by "you know".

    • Barney: Good day! (leaving)
      Ted: (as Barney stands there, Ted starts laughing) You're just waiting for me to say something so you can interrupt.
      Barney: (As he stomps out, screaming) I SAID GOOD DAY!

    • Ted: So Sandy, what do you do? Oh, wait, I know what you do. You're the guy who reads the paper in the morning.
      Sandy Rivers: You got me. What do you do, Ted?
      Ted: Oh same thing as you. I read the paper every morning. But then after that, I finish my coffee and go to my real job as an architect, where I make an actual contribution to the world. (laughs) I'm just kidding. Love your show. You're terrific.
      Sandy Rivers: Thanks. I never tire of hearing that.

    • Ted: You know Mary, I've, ah, never done this before.
      Mary: Done what?
      Ted: You know. Been "on a date."
      Mary: Right... Wait, you're kidding right?
      Ted: No. Why? Is that so odd?
      Mary: Well, Ted, I mean, I've been going on dates since I was 15.
      Ted: God you were just a kid. Well, look. Let's just have a few drinks. We'll relax.
      Mary: Yeah, that sounds great. I had clients riding me all day long.
      Ted: Must be tough.
      Mary: Yeah, I mean, this one guy just wouldn't leave me alone. I mean, talk about anal.

    • Barney: Do it! Come on Ted, do it! It's one of those things you have to do before you turn 30.
      Ted: What? Sleep with a prostitute?
      Barney: No, lose your virginity! What Up!

    • Ted: I feel like Richard Gere.
      Mary: You're not shy about your looks, are you?

    • Lily: You know, Barney, for anyone else, this would be a new low but sadly for you, it's just a new middle.

    • Ted: Hey.
      Robin: Hey. Mary seems nice. Have you kissed her yet? Or are you waiting until you are in a serious relationship with someone else?

    • Mary: (Whispering to Ted) You know that scene in Empire when they lower that helmet onto Darth Vader's head? (Pointing at Sandy Rivers) Do you think that is how Sandy puts his hair on in the morning? (laughs)
      Ted: You just insulted someone I hate by referencing something that I love. Damn you just got even hotter.

    • Robin: Mary, Ted is a great guy. You hold on to him, don't let him out of your sights. (Sarcastically then adds) For a minute.

    • Barney: Dude your views on professional fornicators are harshing my mellow.

    • Mary: Lily, you ok?
      Lily: Yea, I'm just tired, and when I get tired, I get cranky.
      Sandy Rivers: Really? I can't imagine you cranky.
      Lily: (Imitating Sandy) Really? I couldn't imagine you cranky!
      Mary: Why are you so tired?
      Lily: Well, I teach kindergarten and the school board took away my naptime. (Her voice trails off) The kids naptime.

    • Marshall: (Thinking) Lily, I know you're asleep but I have to tell somebody this and we tell each other everything. So, here goes; Mary's not a paralegal. She's a prostitute.
      Lily: (Wakes up) Mary's a prostitute?!

    • Robin: What's going on with Ted lately? Is he having a nervous breakdown?
      Lily: You know Barney, for anybody else this would be a new low, but sadly for you, it's just a new middle. Oh my god, I used her lipstick! (Wipes her face)
      Marshall: That's her napkin.

    • Barney: Well, I guess now's as good a time as any. In keeping with tonight's award show motif, I'd like to announce this evening's big twist ending! Vampire Lou, would you do the honors!
      Vampire Lou: (Reads a card) Mary's not a prostitute!
      Marshall: What?
      Barney: That's all, Vampire Lou. Nicely done.
      Marshall: So she's not...
      Barney: Nope! Mary's just a paralegal who lives in my building. Oh, and here's the best part! She has no idea Ted thinks she's a hooker. (Laughs, everyone stares at him) Come on, guys. If you don't laugh, it just seems mean.

    • Ted: It's getting late, I should get back to my room.
      Barney: Your room?
      Ted: Yeah, that really expensive hotel room you put on your credit card? Never checked out. By the way you know what's super fun? Pouring Dom Perignon down the bathtub drain. It's almost time for my massage. Tootles! (Leaves)
      Marshall: Come on. If you don't laugh, it just seems mean.

  • NOTES (2)

    • The German episode title is "Eine nette Nutte", meaning "A Nice Prostitute". The French title is "La Jalousie a un prix", meaning "Jealousy Has a Price". The Italian title is "Prestazioni a pagamento", meaning "Performance Fee".

    • International Airdates: Czech Republic: December 29, 2009 on Prima COOL


    • Barney borrows Fez's routine from That 70's Show who would often get frustrated and say "Good day!... I said good day!" Before either storming off or expecting someone to leave.

    • Marshall and Ted use paper cutouts to make Sandy Rivers look like "Yosemite Sandy" during his morning TV show, a play on the Warner Brothers' Looney Tunes cartoon character Yosemite Sam.

    • Mary the Paralegal says she works at the law firm "Douglas, O'Halloran and Stamp." These are the last names (Sarah Douglas, Jack O'Halloran, Terence Stamp) of the actors playing the three Kryptonian villains in Superman and Superman II.

    • Sandy's reading of the headlines is a thinly veiled parody of NY1's same feature, called "In The Papers" with Pat Kiernan.

    • Ted: I feel like Richard Gere.

      This is a reference to the film Pretty Woman from 1990, where the character of Richard Gere dates a prostitute.

    • Robin calls Ted's paralegal date, "Paralegally Blonde," a reference to the movie Legally Blonde.