Voice of Ted, 2030
While Barney is in the back of the van with the girl and Ted begins driving, Barney tumbles to the floor as the van apparently drives over a pothole, but the glass of alcohol on the table doesn't slosh or tip over.
Ted: Where's Barney? Where's the truck?
Robin: Wait for it...
Ted: Barney stole the truck!
Robin: There you go.
Ted: I don't believe this! Everything I own in the world is in that truck. Except this box of pot lids.
Marshall: And the sword! (Hands Ted the sword)
Ted: (Dialing the phone) I'm going to kill him! I swear to God, I'm going to kill him!
Marshall: (taking the sword) Right, then I'll just take this back...
Marshall: Aw looks like our little boy is moving out.
Lily: It seems like only yesterday he was a cute little freshman, discovering reggae and ultimate frisbee.
Marshall: He did it later than the other kids, but we didn't push him. We knew he'd get there.
Robin: (About moving in together) I thought we decided we were ready.
Ted: And how did we decide that again?
Robin: I have no idea. I remember the let's-move-in-together-sex was pretty amazing.
Ted: I know. I did that thing with no hands I normally need both to do.
Marshall: Deep in the Amazonian rainforest, there is a tree that only grows around the body of an existing tree. It cannot survive without this tree; it's supported by this tree. Lily, we are that tree.
Lily: The inside tree or the outside tree?
Marshall: The outside tree.
Lily: Shouldn't there be three trees?
Marshall: You and I are one tree! Look, Lily, the point is we grew around Ted and without him we're slowly dying!
Ted: Guys, I know you were looking to having the place to yourselves, and it's a big imposition... (stops talking as Lily and Marshall hug around him)
Marshall: God, this feels so right.
Lily: Never leave us again.
Ted: Guys, Robin's out in the truck, and there's a lot of boxes, so
Lily and Marshall: Sshhh.
Marshall: [giving Ted one of the two swords] I hate to break up the set, but you're going to need it.
Robin: He's right. My building is infested with dragons.
Barney: Question one: Ted, do you want to move in with Robin?
Barney: Wrong! The correct answer is: No, I want to stay single and have fun with my awesome friend Barney. Question two: Robin, do you think you can find someone who's hotter than Ted?
Barney: Correct! The correct answer is awkward silence.
Barney: This isn't Barney. But I hear that guy's awesome.
(Ted is packing to leave the apartment)
Barney: So, we all agree, we'll move Ted's stuff back up here?
Ted: Ummm, no, we're still moving in together.
Barney: Why? This is crazy. Ted, you're throwing your life away. This girl is blinding you with her shiny hair and her boob shaped boobs.
(Barney points at Robin)
Barney: This is bad for you too you know. How are you going to feel when he sees you without any make-up?
Robin: I'm not wearing make-up right now.
Barney: Holy crap, you're beautiful.
(Lily and Marshall are lying on the couch making out)
Marshall: Should we, um, move this to the bedroom?
Lily: Why? Ted doesn't live here anymore. We can do it wherever we want.
Marshall: You know what else?
Marshall: We don't have to be quiet anymore. We can be as loud as we want.
(a few minutes later they're sitting at opposite ends of the couch)
Lily: Okay, I think we need to lay down some ground rules. Just because we can be loud doesn't mean we have to be loud. And although it might turn you on, you screaming, "I'm the best," doesn't do much for me.
Marshall: Well, it's a lot better than yelling, "Ted's not here," over and over again.
Lily: Well, at least what I said is true.
Marshall: Well, that was unnecessary.
Robin: Don't worry, it's Barney. He'll bring the stuff back.
Ted: No, it's just ... I was really looking forward to settling in, you know? Maybe settin up my TV. Watching a movie in bed.
(Robin inhales sharply)
Robin: Do we really want a TV in the bedroom?
Ted: I thought we did.
Robin: I'm not sure that we do.
Ted: Well, where else would we put my TV?
Robin: We could just put it in our storage unit in the basement.
Ted: But wouldn't we miss my TV?
Robin: Would we?
Ted: Yes, we would. We've had that TV for a long time and we would feel more at home if it were setup in our bedroom.
Robin: We need wine, don't we?
Ted: Yes, we do.
Lily: Marshall, we live alone.
Marshall: This is so great! We can finally do all the things we always said we wanted to do if we lived alone.
Lily: Oh, I know what I wanna start with.
(a few minutes later)
Marshall: So, here we are, right? Sittin around the apartment, naked. Awesome.
Marshall: It's not as awesome as I thought it would be.
Lily: My butt itches.
Marshall: I'm cold.
Lily: I noticed.
Marshall: Yeah, like you're one to talk, Pointy.
Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Number ten, "The Winne-Bango."
Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck."
Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her."
Number seven, "The You Scream Truck."
You Scream. (they all laugh)
Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello!
Number five, "The Ride Her Truck."
Number four, "The 18-Squeeler."
Number three, "The Esca-Laid."
Number two, "The Slam-Boney."
the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back...
"The '69 Chevy."
Marshall: I think we can marry each other, but we also have to marry Ted.
Lily: I'm telling you right now, my dad is not going to pay for that wedding.
Barney: (to Ted) Suit and sneakers, a little Ellen DeGeneres, but you pull it off.
The German episode title is "Der Abschlepp-Wagen", meaning "The Moving Van". The French title is "Difficiles concessions", meaning "Difficult Concessions". The Italian title is "Il trasloco", meaning "The Move".
International Airdates: Czech Republic: February 3, 2010 on Prima COOL
Neil Patrick Harris continued with his own list of names for Ted's truck, making the cast and crew crack up. It was not used in the episode, due to some adult language.
In the previous episode, it is revealed that Barney cannot drive a car. However, in this episode, he drives away with Ted's truck.
Barney: I'll be at the snack shack eating our onion rings Han style . . . Solo!
This is a reference to the character Han Solo from the Star Wars franchise.
Barney's Top Ten List at the end is taken directly from the segment done on The Late Show and Late Night with David Letterman, complete with Letterman's trademark "hee hee hee!" laugh and the sound of the glass shattering after throwing the card away (in this case, the card causes the waitress to break a glass).
Craig Thomas and Carter Bays, the creators of How I Met Your Mother, were writers on The Late Show with David Letterman.
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