How I Met Your Mother

Season 3 Episode 12

No Tomorrow

Aired Monday 8:00 PM Mar 17, 2008 on CBS

Episode Recap

Older Ted – "Kids, I never would have met your mother without a little luck. Specifically, the luck of the Irish. St. Patrick's day. The one day of the year when every young person in New York goes out and gets crazy. Really crazy. Okay. Maybe not that crazy. But by 2008, we'd all had enough. Well, most of us." Barney walks in wearing a green suit and wants them to all go to the bar, but Ted tells them that they are not going to this year. Marshall tells Barney that they are going to their new apartment and going to play board games. Barney gets mad and says that he is going to party by himself. Ted's phone keeps calling people. Barney calls Ted and tells him that he will go to a club with Barney and two women, their dates. Barney tries to make a plea to Ted to join him and when watching that Marshall and Lily talk about the smell on Marshall's hand, he agrees to go. Older Ted – "So, on March 17, 2008, I went to a big St. Patrick's Day party. And it's a good thing I did, because funny story, your mother was there." The girl with the umbrella is in line to get into the bar.

Barney introduces Ted to the girls and Ted is upset about the long line. They ask the bouncer if they can get in and the bouncer says that if it was just the two of them, they can get in because there are too many girls in there. Barney brings Ted to the side and tells him that they have to ditch their dates. They decide to go in when the bouncer tells them that the girls may not be hotter inside, but they are drunker. Marshall, Lily, and robin show up at the apartment and Marshall puts a picture on the wall, but it doesn't hang straight. Robin points out that their apartment it crooked and rolls the bottle of champagne on the floor to demonstrate how crooked it is. Older Ted – "It was the kind of thing you didn't notice until you noticed it. But once you did notice it, you couldn't not notice it. Lily and Marshall's apartment was crooked." Marshall freaks out, but Lily comes out with a free skateboard and board game. Marshall tells Robin to not tell Lily. In the club, Barney can't believe his good luck. Ted overhears a girl ordering drinks on a tab and Ted orders two bottle of Dom Perignon on the same tab. He can't believe his luck, especially when a girl comes up to him and pinches him because he is not wearing green. She doesn't even really pay attention to Barney when he says that he doesn't have any green on and explains that his suit is really teal. Her name is Ashlee and invites them to join them at their table with a bottle of tequila and deep belly buttons. Barney suggests that the universe is giving them a free pass and then it solidifies it when they get a free ounce of caviar with their champagne. At the apartment, Lily is concerned when playing hungry, Hungry Hippos, she wins. Lily realizes that the apartment is crooked, but Marshall explains that he saw a ghost and Robin runs with it. Ted talks to Ashlee and tells her that he is trying out the theory and he tells her that he wants a no-strings one-night stand. She tells him that she likes that idea and she kisses him after she tells him that she is married.

Lily is upset about the ghost being racist and when Robin can't stand any more talking about the ghost, she blurts out that the apartment is crooked. Lily breaks out in tears and Marshall blames her for ruining it for Lily. Ted talks to Barney about the theory and tells Barney that Ashlee is married. Barney tells him that it is not cheating if he isn't the one married, the girl's name has two adjacent vowels, and is she is from a different area code. At the apartment, Marshall and Lily talk about what they are going to do about the apartment. Robin suggests that Marshall open the door and she grabs the skateboard and rides it into the hallway. Older Ted – "So, Lily and Marshall decided to make the best of a bad situation, and that's also how the sport of apartment roller luge was invented." Barney tells Ted that it will be ok, but Ted talks to Ashlee about her being married and making a bad mistake. A guy walks up to them and Ted fears that it is Ashlee's husband, but he turns out to be the guy that had the tab that they put all their drinks on for the night. Ted tells Marshall the story and explains that after he hit him in the face, they got free drinks on him for the rest of the night. Marshall tries to get Ted to understand that he kissed a married woman and committed credit card fraud. Ted tells him that it wasn't as bad as it sounds, but Marshall replays the phone messages from his phone that Ted accidentally dialed all night long. Older Ted – "And then last night started coming back to me. The real version." It turns out that he left seventeen messages on Marshall's phone, each one telling the truth about the night with all of the immoral things that Ted did. Older Ted – "Kids, it's sometimes possible to think you're doing just fine in life. And then someone opens your eyes a little bit and you realize…Your whole world is off balance. Out of whack. Crooked." Ted is shocked to actually hear what he did during the night and then he turns the conversation to Marshall's apartment problem. Marshall tells Ted that it will take lots of money and time to fix and they will have to stay at the apartment for a little bit longer. Ted decides to go out to get his cell phone that he left at the club. Older Ted – "So that was St. Patrick's Day, 2008. I found out years later that your mom was at that party, I just didn't meet her. You know, it's a good thing I didn't. Because if I had met her, I don't think she would have liked me. Heck, I don't think I liked me. But that's okay. Tomorrow had arrived."Ted goes through the club and tries to find the phone, but he can't, and when he walks back in, he sees a yellow umbrella on the floor. Older Ted – "You see, I didn't know it yet, but my luck was about to change." Ted walks out of the bar with the yellow umbrella.

The next morning, Barney crawls out of a pile of trash, still with his green suit on and declares that he is awesome.