How I Met Your Mother

Ted: You're going out on Valentine's Day. I thought we had a plan.
Robin: Getting drunk and cleaning the apartment?
Ted: I didn't say it was a good plan!

Marshall: You want us to arrange your marriage? Ted: Absolutely! Look, there are two sides to dating, picking and getting picked. Getting picked I'm good at. Ladies love Teddy Westside. Marshall: You're waiting for me to comment on your self-assigned nickname. (Pause) Well here's my comment: I LOVE IT! Ted: Really? Marshall: Teddy Westside? Continue! Ted: It's the picking I suck at; I pick the wrong girls! But you guys are the best pickers I know. You picked each other!

Robin: So that settles it. Don's a rabbit. Ted: I wouldn't be too sure. Don… Donald… Donald Duck? And what does Donald Duck never wear, I wonder? Pants. Lily: Pants! Ted: Don's a duck. Requesting permission to lawyer. Marshall: I'll allow it. Ted: Lawyered!

Ted: Why don't we just get a rabbit and a duck, put them in a fighting ring, and let them fight it out! Marshall: Because that's illegal, Ted! Ted: Only if we bet on it, Marshall!

Barney: Keep your eyes peeled for a red sweater. Based on her texts, she's dirty, dyslexic, and wants to 96 me.