How I Met Your Mother

Marshall: But it's slapsgiving!
Lily: No, it's THANKSgiving! Our first Thanksgiving as a married couple, as grown ups and you're not even trying to be a part of it! None of you are! (shoves Ted and Robin in Ted's room) Now you two are going to talk about this, and if you have sex again, neither of you are getting dessert!

Barney: The killer in a horror movie does not stand in front of the camp cabins with a bullhorn and shout, "Attention, unguarded teens! At 3:00 I will jump out of that closet and hack you to death with a machete. By the way, my only weakness is fire."

Ted: Pecan pie? Why are we making that? Robin: Um, it's my favorite. Ted: You're allergic. Robin: I know. I just like smelling it. It's like eating with your nose.

Future Ted: You see on the surface Robin and I looked like we were doing great, but the truth is, trying to be friends with your ex is a lot harder than it looks... (Flashback) ... you can't be as candid as you used to be! Ted: So then hot intern leans over my desk, I can totally see she has a pierced-... (Robin and Lily passes) ...Brosnan! Pierce Brosnan is my favorite of all the Bonds.

Barney: I'm sorry, did you just say the Canadian thanksgiving was - and I'm quoting - the "real thanksgiving"? What do Canadians even have to celebrate a-boot? Robin: The Canadian thanksgiving celebrates explorer Martin Frobisher's valiant, yet ultimately, unsuccessful attempt to find the Northwest Passage. Barney: Why are you guys even a country?

Marshall: Oh my! Look at that! That means we're in the final hour of the countdown. Barney: I'm not scared Marshall: Then why is your right cheek twitching? Barney: It's not... Marshall: Maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard, it reverberates back to the present, shattering the time-slap continuum . Barney: Please don't slap me!

Barney: No, no. The countdown ends at 3pm the day after thanksgiving. I counted it out! Ted: How many days are in October? Barney: Uhhh...Thirty

(after knowing Ted and Robin slept togheter) Barney: Relapse five! That's when we high five, then it gets awkward a little bit...then we high five again!

Ted: (Trying to avoid talking about him and Robin having sex the night before) (Points to plate of mushrooms) Did you know that some mushrooms are carnivorous? Probably. Not.

Marshall: What is this feeling, that put you in your place, hot red burning on the side of your face. You feel the blood rush to your cheek, tears start to fill your eyes, your lips their tremblin, but you can't speak. You're trying, oh, you're trying, not to cry. You just got slapped, across the face, my friend, you just got slapped, yes that really did happen, well everybody saw it, HA. Everybody laughed and clapped cause it was awesome the way that you just got slapped.

Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is because Noah gave him shotgun on the ark.

Ted: Unbelievable—Robin is dating Orville Redenbacher.