How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 6

Lily: How about a Halloween double-date?
Robin: I don't know, we were kinda thinking about staying at home and dressing up as naked people.

Barney: (about the "Slutty Pumpkin" girl) You know, Ted, it's been four years. She could be engaged or married or, God forbid, fat.

Lily: We are so gonna win the costume contest this year.
Marshall: First prize, $50 gift certificate at the bar.
Ted: And how much did you pay for your costumes?
Marshall: $100
Lily: Each.

Mike: Where's your costume, Gretel?
Robin: You thought I was...Oh, I was just kidding. I gotta stop making jokes in e-mails. It's so hard to convey tone.

Barney: This party sucks. There are seven chicks here. (guy in dress takes off blonde wig) There are six chicks here.

Lily: Look, it's Halloween. Just put on the girlfriend costume for the night.
Robin: OK, what am I supposed to do? Buy him a giant teddy bear or something?

Barney: Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression. What's with the face?
Ted: It's half you're pathetic, half I have to pee.

Marshall: Apple tart, excellent choice, Lilypad.
Lily: Thanks, Marshmallow.
Robin: Well, let's dig in, Mi... Mi... Microwave Oven.

Mike: We're crazy for this stuff.
Robin: I'm crazy and you're crazy for tiramisu.
Mike: We love tiramisu. Am I wrong in saying that. ?
Robin: No, no, no, I mean it just sounds a little bit weird, doesn't it? We love tiramisu. Is it really a group activity, loving tiramisu?

Ted: Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds, this is about believing. This girl, she represents something to me, I don't know, hope.
Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said.

Robin: I never played any team sports
Ted: Are we playing "I never" 'coz there's nothing left but peach schnapps.

Robin: Well, what if I'm just a cold person? Tonight, Mike was willing to look like a complete idiot for me, but I couldn't be Gretel. Why can't I be Gretel?
Ted: Because you just haven't met the right Hansel yet. One day you're gonna meet a guy who's gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot.

Robin: How do you do this Ted? How do sit out here all night, in the cold, and still have faith that your pumpkin's going to show up?
Ted: Well, I'm pretty drunk. Look I know the odds are, the love of my life isn't going to magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning. But it just seems as nice a spot as any to just ... you know, sit and wait.

Barney: Okay, I'm leaving. But just know, this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht! And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnicle!
Ted: Really? That's the nickname now?
Barney: Yeah, the Barnicle!
Ted: Barnicle Barney?
Barney: That's it.
(awkward pause)
Barney: Barnicle out!
(leaves)
Ted: Have fun, Barnicle.

Barney: Okay, here's the plan, and I crap you not. I am getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.
Ted: We can get rejected by supermodels any day of the year. Tonight, I'm gonna go up tp the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the slutty pumpkin. It's just what I do.
Barney (weighing the options on his hand): Hmm.
(left hand)
Barney: Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties, or
(right hand)
Barney: Yale preppies reuniting their stupid acapella group.
(pretends to hear his left hand say something)
Barney: What's that, left hand? Right hand sucks? Word.
Ted: I'm heading up to the roof.
Barney (to his hands): Well, boys, looks like it's just you and me.
(pretending to hear his hand talk again)
Barney: What's that? Self-five? Nice.
(gives himself a high five)
Barney: We out!

Ted: I just met the perfect woman. She's funny, she's beautiful, she loves "Star Wars"...
Marshall: Woah woah woah, what's her take on Ewoks?
Ted: Loves them!
Marshall: Oh, good. I don't know why people are so cynical about Ewoks; the Rebellion would have failed without the Ewoks.
Ted: And get this: She's a marine biologist, she spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins.
Marshall: Oh, penguins are cool. Kinda like black-and-white Ewoks. I approve.

Ted (to someone in a big penguin costume): Excuse me? This is going to sound crazy, but... I met someone on this roof four years ago, and they mixed that cocktail, and they loved penguins... by any chance, was that you?
(the penguin seems to smile)
Ted: It's you. Everyone thought I was crazy, but...
(the penguin unmasks to reveal Barney underneath)
Barney: You are such a LOSER.
Ted: Arrgh!
Barney: Come on, I came back for you, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score Hula Girl's number. Check and check.
Ted: Unbelievable.

(Barney is wearing a penguin suit and points penguin flipper up towards Ted)
Ted: What are you doing?
Barney: I'm flippering you off!

Barney: Oh, you're dangerous, Maverick. Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash!

Marshall: (To Ted) Dude guess what?
Ted: Your costumes came?
Marshall: Our costumes - ...Yes! That is why we are best friends!

Barney: A girl dresses up like a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse-
Lily: Wow, we get it.
Barney: She's a slutty nurse.

Lily: Guess what came in the mail today?
Marshall: Our costumes? Do they rule?
Lily: They rule. And yours is 100% wool so you won't get hypothermia like last year.
Marshall(deep voice): Tarzan nipple blue.

Marshall: I'm not gay! I have sex with my parrot all the time!...that came out wrong.

Barney: You are such a loser!...I penguin-suited up for you!

Girl at party: You sure are a charming devil...
Barney: I'm also a horny devil!

Barney: Flight Suit Up!

Ted: (about the "Slutty Pumpkin" girl) How great of a story would it be if I actually ended up marrying this girl?
Lily: On the off chance that happens, maybe we should stop calling her the Slutty Pumpkin.

Robin: Am I just wired wrong?
Ted: No. You dumped me, so obviously you have abysmal taste in men, but . . .