How I Met Your Mother

Marshall: Do you remember where it is? Regis Philbin: No, I never wrote it down. But not a day goes by that I don't regret it. Why, do you know where it is? And if you tell me it's at the Corner Bistro, I'm gonna smack you right in the face! Barney: Listen, Regis, we don't know where it is. Regis Philbin: (grabs Barney) Listen, blondie, don't mess with me! Daddy needs his meat.

Lily: We've got to find Marshall that burger. Ted: Lily, I think we're all eating that burger. Robin: I'm not eating that burger.

Marshall: I can't believe I found it! I've actually prepared a few words... Robin: I will eat your hand! Marshall: Okay, let's just go inside, then!

Ted: Marshall, you have to get over this paranoia. You are not going to get mugged. Marshall: What if I do? I don't have a switchblade, I don't know how to breakdance and win the grudging respect of a street gang.

Barney: This tastes so good, I'm worried I'm going to get this burger pregnant. Marshall: If he does get that burger pregnant, I have dibs on the delicious burger babies.

Ted: We didn't know our way around. Just getting back to the apartment took us three hours and a very helpful drag queen. Marshall: Wait, Penny Noir was a drag queen? Robin: Where do you think it was? Lily: Probably tucked between her legs.

Marshall: (about his favorite burger place) And there it was, stuffed between a taxidermist and a triple-x bookstore. Barney: Name two places where things get stuffed.

Marshall: Just a burger? Just a burger. Robin, it's so much more than "just a burger." I mean, that first bite-oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below, flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. And then… a pickle! The most playful little pickle! Then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce and a-a patty of ground beef so exquisite, swirling in your mouth, breaking apart, and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savor so delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread, Robin. This is God, speaking to us in food. Lily: And you got our wedding vows off the internet!?

Lily: But you wanna be an environmental lawyer! Marshall: Yeah, you know I also wanna be a Harlem Globetrotter and get paid in candy.

(Discussing what to eat) Ted: Chinese? Barney: I don't like Chinese. Ted: Indian? Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese. Ted: Indian isn't Chinese. Barney: Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs? Ted: Mexican? Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese!

Ted: Okay, first of all you look like the last pick in the draft and second why are you so excited about some bank?

Lily: This burger is so good, its like Christmas in my mouth. Meat Christmas. Ted: Its like an angel from heaven landed in the kitchen of McClaren's... where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder. Barney: I love this burger so much I want to sew my ass shut.