How I Met Your Mother

Arthur Hobbs: Hey, Ferguson, I read your report, and it's complete crap. No, you know what, that's an insult to crap. If crap could eat, and then crap stuff out, it's that! Your report is the crap that crap craps!

Marshall: You sure about this? Ted: Yeah. Who needs a car in New York city anyway? Marshall: Ted, I don't think I can accept— Ted: Marshall, don't make me scream at you. Marshall: Thanks, buddy. Ted: You guys did it in the car, didn't you? Marshall: Oh, yeah.

Barney: Shotgun for eternity! Robin: You can't call shotgun for eternity! Barney: I just did! Robin: You can't just call things! Barney: I call that I can call things!

Ted: No smoking, it's against car rules! Barney: Oh, Ted, relax. It's Cuban. People pay to have their cars smell like this. Ted: Well, that's just not true.

Lily: Which one of these carpets would look better in the new apartment? I like the color of this one, but this one is so soft, it would feel great on your bare feet. Or your bare back, beads of eager sweat rolling down your trembling bosom... (starts rubbing the carpet sample on her face) Ted: Lily, didn't we just go through this with bathroom tiles?

Ted: (answers phone) Hello? Marshall: (high voice) It's me, pretend you're talking to Stella! Ted: Uh, hey Stella. How it's going? Marshall: Not good! Not good at all! Ted: Where are you? Marshall: I'm downstairs, come find me! Without Lily! Ted: Okay, I'll be right there. Marshall: Thanks. I love you. Ted: I love you, too. (hangs up) Lily: Wow, you and Stella are getting pretty serious. Ted: Apparently. Lily: You hitting that?

Barney: Dude, I can't believe you cried in front of your boss. Marshall: I don't know what happened. There is just something about been yelled like that, like I was being spurred by my dad, suddenly...suddenly I was a little boy. Robin: Is boy the right word?

Barney: The lesson of Blowman is that when your boss screams at you, you never scream back. That's why there is a little thing in corporate America I like to call "The Chain of Screaming". Marshall: The Chain of Screaming? Barney: Yes! The Chain of Screaming starts at the top: Arthur's boss' boss screams at Arthur's boss - Arthur's boss screams at Arthur – Arthur screams at you – you go home and scream at Lilly – Lilly screams at one of the kids in her kindergarten class – then that kid screams at her dad, Arthur's boss' boss. And the whole thing starts all over again, thus completing the Circle of Screaming. Ted: I thought is was A Chain of Screaming.