How I Met Your Mother

Season 8 Episode 19

The Fortress

Aired Monday 8:00 PM Mar 18, 2013 on CBS
out of 10
User Rating
137 votes

By Users Episode Review


    How I Met Your Mother "The Fortress" Review: If Lily Were to Buy Barney's Place, It'd be the Fortress of Suckitude

    One of the biggest problems HIMYM has encountered lately is that Lily has ceased being an actual character and instead become a plot device.

  • Episode Summary

    Barney reluctantly attempts to sell his apartment by holding an open house, during which Ted and Marshall get mistaken for a couple. Tension arises between Lily and Marshall when her new job causes her to spend less time at home.

    Who was the Episode MVP ?

    • Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain

      My tolerance for this show is about zero of late, and when you combine that with the migraine I've been fighting all day, we're starting out at a negative 30 here. I'd like to say that I was pleasantly surprised and we ended up back at zero, but I'd be totally lying. The stupid intro about Barney's magically disappearing bed for whores and his and Robin's discussion of adoption as a crossword clue instead of as a viable option started the episode off on the wrong foot for me, and it really never recovered.

      In the main story, as Robin and Barney's wedding date nears closer, they have to figure out where they are going to live. As almost-newlyweds, Robin wants to make a happy home for the two of them that isn't full of reminders of the hundreds of women her future husband has banged in the past, but he is reluctant to give up his beloved bachelor pad. It's like someone watched Barefoot in the Park and decided to make a grosser, crappier version of it, where Robin is the stuffy one and Barney is happy to live somewhere nearly inhabitable for most actual human beings because he's with the person he loves.

      Barney hides in his closet and does the whole floating Oz head as he offers his fortress of Barnitude to Ted, hoping to keep the bang palace in the family or something like that. The floating head bit was mildly amusing briefly. And Barney compares his place to Superman's fortress of solitude, but I don't remember Superman bringing hundreds of women to the Fortress so that he could have sex with them and/or trick them with a green screen into thinking that they were in Paris or that the world had ended. Maybe that was in the comics?

      Ted turns him down which is confusing, because where exactly is Ted living at this point? Didn't his apartment get destroyed by Abby Elliott? And even if Barney's place would need major disinfecting, it does at least look pretty nice and would be better than being homeless. Anyway, Robin is annoyed, sets up an open house and tries to get people to buy it while Barney tries to sabotage the sale by showing off the apartment's unique features, like an escape chute from the kitchen, or fire sprinklers that go off when a lady starts talking commitment. Someone must have an in with the building management and the city permit department, because adding a wall in a bedroom in New York is a rigmarole, so we can't even imagine the logistical nightmare of an escape chute.

      Eventually Robin finds a buyer: a couple who are interested in the place for its massive square footage and plan to gut it. Knowing what's gone on in this apartment, short of calling in the CDC, that's probably the wisest decision. But Robin gets sentimental and realizes that the apartment is just so Barney and she can't see it destroyed, so they decide to stay come up with some other uses for the apartment's never-before-seen features.

      In the other stories, Lily's super busy with her job finding art from The Captain. The Captain has become Stefan from SNL, dispatching her with weirder and weirder requests. Lily ignores her husband and at some point dresses like Edna Mode from The Incredibles, except that she's obsessed with wearing an ugly cape instead of ridding the superhero world of them.

      While she's off finding mole people, Marshall is getting increasingly upset about being left alone. This mostly surfaces in the fact that he can't watch this show's crappy knockoff of Downton Abbey because he promised he'd wait for her. Ted constantly tempts him to watch the goings on of Woodworthy Manor and eventually he caves, and when he gets mad at Lily for cancelling on them yet again, he does the unthinkable and tells her a spoiler. Heaven forbid.

      There's also an insipid plotline where Ted and Marshall pose as a couple at the open house and then Ted does a terrible British accent and finds a woman who wants to be his first straight sex. It's as awful as it sounds.moreless
    • One of the better ones of late.

      There have been a few disappointing episodes of late, but this has been one of the better ones of the season. There were actually a few decent laughs throughout and the storyline with some exceptions was pretty interesting.

      There were a few moments that were a bit random and the British show parody was a little weird, but decent episode.
    • Put the show out of its misery

      The Fortress was reta-rdedly over the top. The characters have become caricatures of themselves. The show should have ended years ago. Except for a handful of episodes, the last three seasons were mediocre at best. Between the show's quality decline and the incessant breaks between new episodes, I've lost interest.
    • Made me LOL

      What are you talking about, jimlfixit?

      this episode made me laugh like I haven't in a loooong time

      it was emotional, funny, funny, extra funny xD
    • Should be called, how I never met my wife for 8 long seasons!

      This show has become seriously unfunny! Not even Barney (who's been P- whipped) can bring back the humor that once was.

      The over use of canned laughter doesn't redeem the show.
    Cyrus Deboo

    Cyrus Deboo

    Husband 1

    Guest Star

    Ogy Durham

    Ogy Durham


    Guest Star

    Jessica Gardner

    Jessica Gardner

    Wife 3

    Guest Star

    Kyle MacLachlan

    Kyle MacLachlan

    George "The Captain" Van Smoot

    Recurring Role

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


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