How I Met Your Mother

Old Ted tells us he remembers a lot of stories before he met his kid's mother, but one he doesn't remember at all is referred to by Marshall as "The Pineapple Incident." It was a night that started like any other, the gang is down in the bar. Carl the bartender brings them a tray of shots he concocted and named "red dragons." After he walks away the gang decides not to drink them and Lily says they look like blood. Marshall takes this as more proof for a theory he has that Carl is really a vampire. Robin checks her watch and tells them she has to get dressed as she's going out with a billionaire, or as she calls it, a "hundred-millionaire." She tells them he's taking her to a charity event for third world hunger and Barney bluntly asks if she's going to put out. Robin ignores the question and leaves. Marshall asks Ted if he's okay with the girl of his dreams dating a billionaire. Ted corrects him that he's a hundred-millionaire and that Robin isn't the girl of his dreams as they want different things. Barney's attention meanwhile has been diverted by a table of girls in the corner. He points out one who is short with an ample bosom so she's like half-boob. Ted asks Barney what he's going to say when he goes over there and Barney comes up with "Daddy's home." Ted tries to convince him otherwise but Barney goes over to the table and comes back with a girl's number. Barney tells Ted he thinks too much and Ted protests it can't be helped he has a powerful brain. Barney thinks it can and puts a shot in front of Ted. But he doesn't want Ted to do a shot, but all five shots. He tells Ted his brain gets in the way of things, like with Robin and half-boob and he needs to power it down. Marshall adds Ted does overthink, so maybe he should overdrink. He starts chanting "Drink, drink, drink" and Ted asks Lily for her input and Lily joins in the chant. Ted does each shot to their cheers and between each one talks about how powerful his brain is. After the fifth shot, Old Ted tells us that's all he remembers. The next thing he remembered was waking up the next morning. Ted wakes up and sees a pineapple on his nightstand. He sits up and sees a girl in his bed. He starts to get out of bed and finds he can barely walk on one of his ankles. He limps into the living room and asks Lily and Marshall what happened.

The night before, Carl asks the gang how they liked the shots and Ted replies, "I drank all five, bitch!" Marshall proclaims he loves drunk Ted and drunk Ted proceeds to tell Carl that Marshall thinks he's a vampire. Carl tells the gang if Ted pukes, they have to clean it up. Ted tells them he's vomit free since '93 and gets out his phone. Lily asks who he's calling Ted tells her Robin and they think it's a bad idea but Barney tells them the point of getting drunk is to do things you would never do sober. Ted calls Robin who's all dolled up in a limo with her hundred millionaire and tells her he's vomit-free since '93. He also tells her she's a great reporter and should one of the minutes on 60 Minutes. Robin tells him that's sweet and odd and tries to get off the phone but not before Ted tells her she doesn't have to put out for the billionaire. At the end of the call Lily takes his phone but Barney gives it back to him. Ted is glad Barney appreciates his doing and not thinking and goes to the bathroom. Lily protests and tells Barney that Ted isn't making smart decisions and Barney tells her he's unpredictable and they don't know what he's going to do next. What Ted's going to do next is pick "Voices" by Cheap Trick on the jukebox and call Robin and sing along to the jukebox. He gets up on a stool and proclaims, "I love everyone in this bar!" "And we love you, drunk Ted!" Marshall replies. Ted's song ends when he falls off the stool.

Ted guesses that's what how he hurt his ankle. Lily tells Ted then they took him home and put him in bed. Ted asks if there anyone in there with him. Marshall and Lily go and peep in Ted's doorway.
Lily: There's a girl in there!
Ted: I know!
Marshall: And a pineapple!
Ted: I know!
Lily: Who is she?
Ted: I don't know!
Ted finds his jacket on a chair but a large hole is burned in the back. He doesn't know what happened to it and Lily clarifies the girl in his bed is alive, right? Ted calls Barney but they hear his phone ringing. They go and find Barney sleeping in the bathtub. Marshall asks Barney how he got in as they put Ted to bed around one.

Marshall and Lily tuck Ted in bed as he tells them they're the best and he loves them. He stays in bed for all of five seconds before going back to the bar and exclaiming, "I'm back, babydoll!" He high-fives Barney who tells him it's do-o-clock and zooms in on a girl. He introduces her to Ted, but he turns around sees Ted has his phone out again. Barney tells Ted if he calls Robin again, he'll set his coat on fire. Regardless Ted calls Robin and this time when Robin answers the phone, she hears Ted screaming.

Ted is appalled Barney set him on fire but Barney blithely states real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast. Ted asks who the girl in his bed is and Barney runs to his room and comes back and tells him there's a girl in his bed. Marshall points out there's also a pineapple and asks if he's the only one curious about that. Ted tells him he has no idea who the girl is and Barney tells after hosing him off with the beverage gun, he brought him back upstairs. Ted checks his arms for burns and finds "I am Ted. If lost, please call 555-2578." He asks the gang if any of them wrote that and he doesn't know whose number it is. Marshall tells him to call it but not before he makes some popcorn. Marshall returns with popcorn and Ted calls the number. He asks who's on the other line and it's Carl from the bar.

As Barney tucks Ted into bed, Ted tells him to take his finest stallion. Again, he stays in bed for all of five seconds before going to the bar and proclaiming, "I'm back, babydoll!" He adds he's going to throw up and runs into the bathroom.

Ted is disappointed his streak is broken as vomit free since '05 doesn't sound impressive. He tells Carl to keep telling him what happened.

Ted tells Carl the word karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra and calls it hauntingly beautiful. He asks Carl if he's a vampire and Carl tells him he's cutting it off and it's time to go home. Ted thinks it's because the sun is coming up soon and Carl takes Ted's arm and writes his number so if he passes out in the gutter someone will call and let him know. Ted giggles as Carl writes on his arm and tells him they can't just be friends, they're attracted to each other. Ted tells him he's talking about Robin and has to make one more call. Carl mutters, "Yeah, this'll go good." Ted calls Robin and asks her to come over. From Ted's end of the phone, it sounds like she said yes.

Ted tells the gang the girl in his bed is Robin. Marshall asks if they... and Ted nods. Barney raises his hand for a high five and points out with those five shots he didn't think, but he did, and he did Robin. Ted returns his high five and Lily high fives him as well. Ted is confused as to what this means and Marshall tells him it's smart to think about it. Lily points out Robin might have something to say about Ted's future with Robin and urges Ted to wake her up. Ted asks what he should say and Barney suggests "Daddy's home." Ted limps over to his room and is right about to wake Robin when his phone rings. He answers it and it's Robin. He looks at the girl in his bed and asks, "Are you sure?" Ted limps back into the living room and Robin tells him she's on her way over. The gang is mystified and Lily tells Ted they have to figure who the girl in his bed is. The girl comes out of Ted's room and tells them her name is Trudy. Barney and Marshall shoot Ted approving looks, as she is half-boob from the night before.

Trudy is out with her friends and telling them after her breakup she wants to jump the bones of the next guy she sees. Barney comes up to the table and says, "Daddy's home." Trudy and her friends are turned off by him so Barney writes down a fake name and number. Later when Ted is singing, Trudy tells her friend Ted is cute. Later Trudy's in the bathroom when Ted comes out of a stall. He asks what she's doing in the men's room, then realizes he's in the ladies' room and he came in to throw up. Trudy asks if he did and he proudly tells her he did not.

Ted is happy his streak is still alive and high fives Marshall. He then tells Trudy to continue the story.

Trudy tells Ted she wished she had his guts to get up and make a complete idiot of herself. Trudy contemplates she's had a serious week and could afford to do something stupid. Ted replies, "I'm something stupid. Do me." Trudy puts her number in his phone and Ted asks why they call it karaoke and Trudy tells him it's Japanese for empty orchestra. Ted tells her that's hauntingly beautiful. His phone rings and Trudy says he should call her sometime. After Carl writes his number on Ted's arm, Ted really called Trudy and asks her to come over.

Trudy tells them she came over and is now really embarrassed. Marshall exclaims, "Dammit Trudy! What about the pineapple?" There's a knock at the door and Ted asks Trudy to hide in his bathroom. She asks if that's his girlfriend and he stumbles to explain that it's complicated and she hides in his room. Ted opens the door and apologizes to Robin for all the calls and she tells him some were really weird. Lily and Marshall decide to get a snack and make Barney go with them to give Robin and Ted some privacy. Ted protests his calls weren't that weird and Robin plays one where he tells her he's going to make a gutteral sound until she answers. She tells him it goes on for three minutes. Robin tells him they're trying to be friends and he's making it all confusing. Ted tells her they've both moved on and Robin doesn't believe he has. He calls for Trudy but she doesn't answer. He opens the door but she's gone. He tells Robin he doesn't care what she thinks and Robin asks why Ted hid her from Robin. Ted tells her she's good and should be on 60 Minutes. Robin tells him he told her that last night. She tells him not to feel bad and goes into the living room. Old Ted tells us sometimes you turn off your brain for the night and end up with hangover, a sprained ankle and a pineapple. And they never found out where the pineapple came from, but the gang enjoyed eating it.