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Marshall: God, we are such idiots!
Barney: Yeah.
Lily: Every time we step out the door they're out there waiting for us! Sometimes we send Ted out as a scout, nobody's out there. We go out a second later, there they are!
Marshall: It's freaking supernatural. Are they ghosts? Can only we see them?
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Barney: What rule is there that I can't date a waitress at my favorite bar?
Lily: I don't know, I'd expect you to have one.
Robin: Yeah, with a catchy name.
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Lily: We're not gonna date them, we're just gonna be friends with them.
Barney: That's the couple's version of dating.
Robin: And you've got the couples version of the hots for them. You wanna have brunch with them, you wanna go to Pottery Barn with them, you wanna go antiquing with them, don't you? Oh, yeah, you wanna antique the crap out of them.
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Ted: This is New York City. We don't talk to the neighbors: we say hello as we pass them in the hall; we call the police when we haven't seen them for a while, and there's a weird smell coming from their apartment; and that's it.
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Barney: Put a bell around my neck, and scratch my belly, kids, for I am just a docile house cat now. Meow.
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(In 2005)
Barney: (on dating Wendy the Waitress) Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
(Flash forward to 2006)
Barney: And it was a huge mistake.
Marshall: (on befriending the neighbors) Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
(Flash forward to 2007)
Lily: And it was a huge mistake.
Robin: (on dating a co-worker) Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
(Flash forward to 2008)
Robin: And it was a huge mistake.
Ted: (on dating his dermatologist) Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
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Ted: Yeah, I don't have for time for this. I'm out the door as soon as I'm finished with my hair.
Barney: Good, then we have a solid half hour.
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Barney: (to Ted) Dude, don't poop where you eat!
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Barney: Ted, look at the facts. I dump her, and she says, "no hard feelings." She's a psycho, what other explanation is there?!
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Robin: We can split a cab to work together, we always have a standing lunch date, and last night, at the hockey game, Curt got us into the locker room and I met Mason Raymond. (gang looks clueless) Left wing for the Vancouver Canucks!
Barney: What's the opposite of name-dropping?
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Barney: (on Wendy) She's gullible, I'm bored. We're perfect for each other.
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Ted: (flashes his tramp-stamp) Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer.
Lily: Oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper from Reno with daddy issues?