How I Met Your Mother

Robin: I haven't been at Metro News 1 for four months, and I'm still getting all this fan mail.
Lily: Wow, you had more fans than I thought.
Ted: And only about 60% of them are prison inmates.
Robin: What are these guys thinking? I am WAY past my "dating prisoners" phase. I mean, hello, I'm not 19 anymore.

Marshall: Dancer's hip is a serious thing. The doctor said if it gets any worse, I might need surgery.
Ted: Vaginal rejuvenation surgery?
Marshall: You know who didn't do a lot of operating on vaginas in college? Dr. X!
Ted: He did just fine!

Barney: That's what corporate America wants: people who seem like bold risk takers, but never actually do anything.

Ted: (On the radio as Dr. X) Doctor X here, shooting truth bullets at you from an undisclosed location, 'cause if they knew where I was, they'd shut me down.
Marshall: You're on the third floor of the Student Center next to the game room, you tool!
Ted: Been reading a lot of letters about my segment on how racist this school's meal plan is.
Lily: How can there be any letters if no one knows where you are, douche?

Marshall: I dance. More than you know.
Lily: I don't even know how to respond to that.

Barney: All my life I have dared to go past what is possible. Interviewer: To the impossible? Barney: Actually, past that. To the place where the possible and the impossible meet, to become... the possimpible. Lily: The possimpible? Really? Barney: Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision. Marshall: Visitivity!

Ted: (recorded, as Dr. X) Remember, Dining Hall, Monday midnight, another Dr. X happening... I'll be there, because X marks the spot-ot-ot-ot-ot-ot. Marshall: If you think people liked your show, they did not-ot-ot-ot.

Robin: I can't break 15 bricks with my forehead. Barney: Robin, it's not 1950 anymore. Yes, you can.

Barney: Lottery girl's on. Robin: I just feel sorry for these women. This is where broadcast careers go to die. Barney: Check it out, I made a little game. Lottery Girl: And tonight's lotto numbers are: 19, Barney: Age you moved to New York after a photographer "discovered" you at a food court and said he would get you into Vogue Magazine. Lotto Girl: 53, Barney: Number of semi-nude pictures he took of you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue Magazine. Lotto Girl: 22, Barney: Age you claim you are. Lotto Girl: 31, Barney: Age you actually are. Lotto Girl: 45, Barney: Number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, out of your dress and into my Jacuzzi. Lotto Girl: And tonight's Super Big Ball is... Barney: What happens after we get out of the Jacuzzi. What Up!

Lily: Doctor X, you're still bragging about Doctor X? Robin: Who's Doctor X? Ted: Nobody knows. He was this genius mystery DJ. Marshall: It was Ted. Ted: His identity remains a mystery to this day. Lily: It was Ted. Ted: But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio. Marshall: It was Ted. Lily: And your show sucked.

Lily: Dancer's hip, Marshall has something called dancer's hip!
Marshall: It's a basketball injury, they only call it that because it's common among ballet dancers. (realizes what he's done) Oh, no.
Robin: Do any of the other little girls in your class have dancer's hip?
Ted: Is it easier to dance with no external genitalia?
Marshall: Yeah, don't step over it, just go right for the throat!
Lily: Yeah guys, come on. Marshall didn't get this from dancing. The stirrups were probably just set too high during his last visit to the gyno.