How I Met Your Mother

Season 3 Episode 3

Third Wheel

Aired Monday 8:00 PM Oct 08, 2007 on CBS



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Marshall: Okay, new scenario: We're caught in a car crash, you die, I'm left paralyzed. Two sexy nurses come in with a six-pack of wine coolers. I try to blink at them in Morse code. (blinks his eyes) Please... no... I love my dead wife. But they're medical professionals and I have to assume this is good for me.
      Lily: Fine, sleep with your nurses. Tonight you ride the unicycle.
      Marshall: Already did this morning.

    • Ted: What? We agreed! I suited up!
      Barney: You take too long to get ready.
      Ted: What are you talking about? I got the low-maintenance, just-rolled-out-of-bed look.
      Marshall: Which takes about an hour-and-a-half of waxing, tugging, and teasing to achieve.
      Barney: And then he starts on his hair.

    • Marshall: If Lily died before me, I could easily go for the belt.
      Lily: If I died before you, I could easily come back and haunt your penis.

    • Marshall: (not wearing pants) Wait, I thought we were in for the evening.
      Barney: That's what I thought about your bangers and mash, but apparently we're both wrong, governor!

    • Barney: The real Wimbledon lasts a fortnight.
      Marshall: British words are cool. Also, their lawyers wear wigs. I wore a wig at work once, and they laughed at me.

    • Trudy: (fantasy) Ted, what's wrong?
      Ted: I was just thinking about this documentary I saw once. About something called a super volcano. (to Barney) Okay, what the hell?
      Barney: Wait for it...
      Ted: (fantasy) It can happen at anytime. And obliterate all life on Earth. Which is why I live by three simple words; don't postpone joy.
      Rachel: Oh, my God.
      Trudy: That's so true.
      Ted: (present) Mortality angle. That's actually pretty good. I can do this.

    • Rachel: (fantasy) You give the most amazing foot massage.
      Ted: That's because I used to practice all the time on my grandmother. (to Barney) Why in God's name would I say that?
      Barney: It's endearing! You're a caregiver. Never take family values out of the equation.

    • Lily: I cannot give up my bedroom to a boot thief. She should be punished, not rewarded.
      Ted: Fine, then I'll try to work in a little light spanking.

    • Ted: It's a tricycle!
      Barney: No way, no way, no way!
      Marshall: What's happening?
      (Barney gives Marshall the phone)
      Ted: It's a tricycle!
      Marshall: No way, no way, no way! It's a tricycle!
      Lily: I'll say it now, all sorority girls are sluts.

    • Barney: (on women with unshaved legs) Guys just want to get on the green. They don't mind going through the rough.

    • Ian: Hey, Robin, the valet just pulled my car in. I thought we could go back to my place, if you're in the mood for a nightcap.
      Robin: Absolutely, I just have to go to the ladies room. I've got TB: tiny bladder.

    • Barney: Ted, if you're going to go for the Belt, then the bylaws require me to ask the following questions: 1. Is the aggregate age of all participants under 83?
      Ted: Yes.
      Barney: 2. Is the aggregate weight of all participants under 400 pounds?
      Ted: Yes.
      Barney: Theodore Mosby, are you paying these women?
      Ted: No!
      Barney: Ted...

  • Notes

  • Allusions