How I Met Your Mother

Marshall: Robin, I'm sorry. You're not a robot. I mean, if you are, you're like an incredibly advanced model and humanity doesn't stand a chance. You just don't choose to show love with corny rituals, and that's fine. But maybe Lily and I do because we don't know any other way. And if she's at that airport, I have to go get her. Them's the rules.
Robin: Marshall, close your eyes.
Marshall: I don't know how you heard any of that as me hitting on you.

Barney: We're not the "We love your music, let's sleep together" guys. We're the older guys whose approval they now crave.
Ted: So we're their dads?
Barney: Exactly!

Marshall: You know why you think those rituals are stupid? Because you've never been in a relationship long enough to develop them. You don't understand love. You're like a robot who sees a person crying and says, "Why is that human leaking?"
Robin: Is that so? Well, then the robot initiates pull-over-to-side-of-road-until-jackass-apologizes-to-me-sequence. Beep boop beep.
Marshall: My robot was, like, a thousand times better.

Lily: Aspen Yards Ale, get it? Marshall: Actually, no. Lily: Me, neither. I was hoping you would.

Lily: (over the phone) Hey, baby. It's lunchtime, and I love you. Marshall: (in front of his colleagues) I reciprocate in principle, although with the caveat that there seems to be a bit of a surplus here on my end. Lily: No, I love you more. Marshall: Do we need to get in a room together and bang this thing out? (pause) Those sound like agreeable terms, although I may need to adjust my briefs.

Robin: I still say this is stupid. What happened to, "As we mature, the relationship matures with us?" Marshall: That's just something Lily read in Psychology Today. Alright, she read it in Cosmo. Alright, I read it in Cosmo. Alright, it was CosmoGirl!

Brunette: I don't know if you guys have ever seen Star Wars, but it's like Hoth out there. Ted: Dibs. Blonde: It reminds me of when I used to go sledding with my dad—before he left. Barney: And dibs.

Ted: So, how many people are in on this Party School Bingo thing? Barney: Oh, it's just me. Ted: So what's the point, then? Barney: The point is to get five in a row. Ted: And what do you get when you get five in a row? Barney: I get Bingo.

Ted: We should buy a bar. Barney: Of course, we should buy a bar! Ted: We should totally buy a bar. Barney: We should totally buy a bar. Our bar would be awesome. And dude, dude, dude, dude... the name of our bar... Puzzles. (Ted is astonished by the proposition) People will be, like, "Why is it called Puzzles?". That's the puzzle!

Ted: Can't you just leave the place open a little while longer? We'll keep an eye on things. Carl: You two? No way, you wouldn't know the first thing about running a bar. Barney: Serve the hotties first? Carl: Here's the keys.

Robin: Thanks for coming by. I monkeyed around with the thermostat for about an hour before I realized it was the intercom. Marshall: Yeah, I heard you swearing downstairs.