How I Met Your Mother

Ted: Now, here's the thing. It sucks you came back from Argentina with someone as awesome as Gael. And I know I have no right to be upset at you, we're broken up, life goes on, whatever. But you know what? We never did this. We had this polite breakup with no irrational yelling, and that's just wrong. So I'm gonna yell irrationally for a while, (yelling) and you're just gonna have to stand there and deal with it, okay? Robin: If you feel like you need to do that. Ted: I think I do, I really think I do. So now, I'M YELLING!

Robin: I'm sorry this is so weird. Marshall: Weird? Why would it be weird, because you used to date our best friend or because my wife finds your new boyfriend incredibly hot?

Gael: Living is my career. Windsurfing. Making love. Sometimes at the same time. (Laughs) Barney: How? How is that possible? Don't just giggle, tell me!

Barney: Ted, I came here, this morning, because I want to apologize. Ted: Apology accepted Barney, as you can see, I do just fine on my own, I don't need a babysitter. Barney: See, all this time I thought you needed a wing-man to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now. Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating, growing in your cocoon, and last night you burst out of that cocoon, like a majestic... garsh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad a science. Lily: He's gonna say it... Ted: A butterfly?

Barney: What's up? Oh, and BTW, I am never speaking to Ted again.
Lily: Really? Not even if, say, butterflies flew out of his ass?

Ted: OH MY GOD! I have a tattoo!
Barney: That's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.
Ted: Tramp stamp?
Barney: You know, a hoetag, ass antlers, a Panama City licence plate.

Barney: We are going to an after-hours club so after-hours, it's three days from now. What up!

Barney: Here it is: Acrobats from Montreal, they're super flexible. We are gonna get Cirque-du-So-laid. What uuuup?

Marshall: (pointing at Lily's chest in confusion) Weren't you wearing a bra?

Barney: As your wingman I'm going to get you a 12. Or at least two 6s. Failing that, four 3s. And—break glass in case of emergency—we'll go to Staten Island and get you twelve 1s

Older Ted: (voiceover) Kids, there's more than one story of how I met your mother. You know the short version, the thing with your mom's yellow umbrella. But there's a bigger story; the story of how I became who I had to become before I could meet her. And that story begins here.

Barney: (to Ted) Dude, I'm so excited that you are single again. We are going to conquer New York City. I already have a girl from work lined up for you. Right boob bigger than the left boob; which some choose to look at as bra half empty, I choose to look bra half full.

Gael: Gael. Ted: Gail? Gael: Gael. Barney: Kyle? Gael: Gael. Marshall: Girl?

Marshall: 'Male Gail' is not our friend!

(Amy steals liquor at McLaren's) Barney: They know us here. You're going to get us into trouble! Amy: Do you ask your tailor to leave extra room in your crotch for your giant vagina?