How to Live with Your Parents (For the Rest of Your Life)

Season 1 Episode 1

Pilot

9
Aired Wednesday 9:30 PM Apr 03, 2013 on ABC

Episode Recap

6 months ago. It's raining as Polly and her daughter, Natalie, show up at Polly's mom and stepdad's house. The parents answer the doorbell together and apparently had been in the middle of having sex. Standing at the door, Polly explains that she left her husband, Julian, who used the rent money to adopt a highway (which he subsequently neglected).

Now. Polly is still living with her parents and mom, Elaine, mentions that Kenny, the 60-year-old friend of stepdad, Max, wants to ask Polly out. Elaine says that 60 is the new 30 and adds that Kenny is a "very tender lover."

Max receives a sculpture of a dog. Natalie is scared of dogs and is equally scared of the sculpture.

Later, Julian arrives, excited about the new "life hammer" he bought to break the car window in case he gets trapped underwater. Max yells from the other room, "How can we make that happen." Max wants Polly to help him test the device but she's not interested and heads to her job at the smoothie counter at a market/cafe.

Polly, apparently unafraid of being fired, uses the blender to repeatedly drown out her boss, Gregg. But co-worker, Jenn, informs her that Gregg was just trying to tell Polly that a customer, nicknamed "Jewish Superman" is interested in Polly.

Polly goes over to the guy and gets her first date. But she needs a babysitter. She tells Gregg that her parents have never done a whole night. Plus, Polly doesn't even want her mom to know she has a date with a guy she met at the market. It would imply that Polly is a slut like her mother. But Jenn asks, rhetorically, what's the point of living with your parents if you can't use them as unpaid help.

Polly tells her mom that she's going to a work-related party, as Gregg had suggested. The parents agree to baby-sit.

Polly gives a long list of instructions and then leaves for her date. At a club, the guy, Luke, says he can't drink because he took an anti-anxiety pill. Polly is quite familiar with the pills, since Emily takes them, and she assure the guy that Emily has never had any problems drinking while on that pill. Apparently, the guy is not immune to the side effects.

Emily decides to take Natalie to the dog pound to show her that dogs aren't scary. She winds up blurting out that Polly is on a date and Max blurts out that there is no Santa.

Polly gets home from the date and finds Julian waiting outside. Natalie had called him. Polly goes inside and we learn that it is Polly who is absolutely terrified of dogs, even though the dog that her parents brought home is a tiny puppy. Polly hides in a closet.

Natalie notices that her father's truck is sliding down the driveway. He had attempted to use a brick as a parking brake.

Max drives Julian home and scolds him for not letting Polly go. Julian insists he's just trying to be a good parent to Natalie. They first top off to bring drunk Luke home. Polly, with Emily, followed in order to return Luke's car.

Luke is too out of it to remember his door code, so Julian uses the life hammer to break the window, which trigger an alarm. Julian and Polly leave Luke outside, with the hammer, and run.

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