Hung Season 1 Episode 10

Ray: (voice-over) I wanted the house, but I had a tent. I wanted to stay married, but my wife ran off. I wanted to play ball, but I taught history. I wanted to teach, but I was gonna lose my job. I wanted electricity, and I got honey.

Lenore: (referring to Tanya) So did you dump her?
Ray: No. I tried, but uh...look Lenore, last time I checked, capitalism was about supply and demand. Now I've got the supply, and I've got a demand. We're gonna do this my way. Take it or leave it.

Ray: (voice-over) Why did I feel so guilty about Tanya? I tried to just focus on the house. I almost had the whole place ready to get rewired, and then... (finds honey in the wall) Who knows where the bees went. I felt like the butt of a cosmic joke.

Lenore: Look around you, Ray. Most of these women have more money than they know what to do with. And their husbands are either too old or or too busy to get erections.

Ray: (referring to Tanya) The pimp job, it means a lot to her.
Lenore: Well, winning Miss Michigan meant a lot to me, but I had to realize it wasn't my destiny. God, you're so loyal, Ray. You're like a golden retriever.
Ray: Look, I know you think Tanya's minor leagues, but okay, she has some flaws, but we can't just cut her loose.
Lenore: Sure we can, this it capitalism.

Lenore: Your vagina is like a car battery, Jessica. You've got to keep it charged. The battery dies, you become weak...and whiny.
Jessica: Okay, really? I don't know what you're talking about.
Lenore: I'm saying you could use a jump.

Lenore: How often do you screw your husband?
Jessica: Um...it varies.
Lenore: How many times was he inside you last week?
Jessica: Last week, uh...zero?
Lenore: Zero? All right, that's a f*cking shame. You need a husband who wants to f*ck you. No, you need a professional. A sex therapist.
Jessica: You're right. I do. I, I, I need a, uh, a person to talk to about all of my issues.
Lenore: And by sex therapist, I mean someone who will fuck you so good, you don't care what your husband does...or doesn't do.

Lenore: We all bring strengths to the table. For example, I bring a business head. You, Tanya, bring a strong sense of ethics and Ray brings a big dick. We can be like the Three Musketeers.
Tanya: Lenore, Ray is my prostitute!!

Yael: You know, Ray, sometimes in life, it's best to forget the big problems and just fuck for a little while.

(talking about letting Lenore join Happiness Consultants)
Ray: You've got a good soul. But I need a professional on board. It'll be okay...kinda like a threesome.
Tanya: Kind like a threesome? You ever been in a threesome? Everyone I've ever been in, the other two people screw while all I do is bring them water.

Ray: (voice-over) There are moments in your life when you realize God is joking. He's up there. Hell, maybe She's up there, laughing her head off. Either way, you're fucked.