I Love Lucy Season 5 Episode 23

Ethel: What am I going to tell Ricky when he asks where you are?
Lucy: Tell him anything you want. I've got nothing to hide. Tell him the truth.
Ethel: Okay I'll tell him the truth.
Lucy: Don't you dare.

Lucy: Gee did you hear that honey? It's going to be called "Bitter Grapes." I wonder what part they want me for.
Fred: You're probably going to be one of the bunch.

Ethel: Thirteen more hours in this sardine can.
Lucy: The sardines were better off. They got all that oil to wiggle around in.

(About Fred's cheap ways)
Ricky: I appreciate that, Fred, but you've got to draw the line someplace.
Ethel: Oh, we're lucky he hasn't got us hitchhiking.

Ethel: (talking about the train seat) Well it's true; they're not very roomy.
Fred: They're roomy enough, it's just that you're roomier.

Ethel: Oh, I don't think those Italian actresses are so much. Not one of them got her hair combed.
Fred: Well, they look great to me.
Ethel: If I let my hair go like that, you'd never let me hear the end of it.
Fred: Honeybunch, if the rest of you looked like that, I wouldn't care if you were bald.