Michael Ian Black: If He Hate Me was the most popular XFL player, and I've never heard of He Hate Me, that should indicate the level of popularity that the XFL achieved, which is zero popularity.
Gilbert Gottfried: Moulin Rouge is a movie that I imagine the director was sitting there going, 'Okay, cut! Could we do that again, but make it a lot more gay?!' After I saw Moulin Rouge, I had to rush over to Broadway to see Chorus Line so I could feel like a man.
Jake Fogelnest: (on the iPod) I just can't imagine living my life today without my entire music collection in my back pocket at all times. You never know when you're gonna need "Pure Energy" by Information Society at the snap of your fingers.
French Stewart: ["Lady Marmalade"]'s a barbershop quartet, but with whores.
John Aboud: I really enjoyed The Weakest Link, or as I like to call it, Who Wants to Get Yelled at by a British Lady?.
Jake Fogelnest: (on the XFL) Football alone—that's for ****ies; football mixed with wrestling—that's extreme.
Michael Ian Black: (on the XFL) I think they were trying to make a really violent sport even more violent. 'Let's see if we can't accelerate the early Alzheimer's.'
Regan Burns: [Segway] sounded cool, but when you get onto it, you are suddenly transformed into a loser.
Scott Ian: [Winona Ryder shoplifting] made her even hotter—to me anyway. And I'm not someone who's into crazy people, but it did make her hotter in some way. I don't know that that says about me.
Simon Doonan: (on the "Lady Marmalade" video) Christina Aguilera's hair—it was like an explosion at a mattress factory.
Lonny Ross: Actually, I refused to buy an iPod when they first came out, 'cause I though they were very indulgent and pretentious, and I was proud to carry around my ten CDs in my jacket.
Greg Fitzsimmons: (on Pearl Harbor) Michael Bay was able to take a horrible American tragedy and turn it into a horrible film tragedy where he sunk Ben Affleck's career.
Jo Koy: (on butt-crack jeans) I don't know where this phenomenon came from or who invented this style, but I want to kiss that person that did.
Hal Sparks: (on Enrique's "Hero" video) I love how Mickey Roarke doesn't have any lines, but he manages to be completely Mickey Roarke in the whole thing.
Michael Ian Black: (on Fear Factor) My feeling about these shows is always the same. Unless there's a chance that somebody's actually gonna die, I don't want to watch.
Hal Sparks: If you ever ride [a Segway], it's a weird feeling. It's the closest you'll ever be to a Weeble.
Tommy Chong: Memento is the worst movie for a stoner because it doesn't make sense when you're straight.
Rich Eisen: Fear Factor's a testament to how people will do anything if they're gonna be on television.
Simon Doonan: As somebody who works regularly with male models, I can tell you that Zoolander was a stone-cold documentary. That's what they're like!