iCarly

(on iCarly TV show rehearsal) Carly: Hello, people who own televisions. My name is- Amber: (jumping in front of Carly) I'm Amber Tate! Carly: -Carly. Zeebo: I'm Zeebo. Carly: And this is iCarly. Kinda.

Carly: You can't fire Sam! Sam: Woah wait, woah. If you fire me, do I still get paid for the whole week? Brad: Yes. Sam: Later! (walks away)

Brad: They are cuckoo for iCarly! Carly: But you just want to change- Brad: One thing. Carly: Shocker! Brad: This involves you, Sam. Sam: If you try to put that dinosaur head on me, I swear- Brad: No, nothing like that. You're fired.

(Spencer is fixing one of his sculptures) Mrs. Benson: Careful Spencer! Spencer: I'm fine. Just hand me the screwdriver. Mrs. Benson: Okay, but caution! The tip is pointy. Spencer: I've used a screwdriver lots of times, so I really don't think- (reaches for the screwdriver and hits the tip with his hand) Ow!

Brad: Harper, can I talk to the girls alone? Harper: Can I drive your new Porsche around the parking lot? Brad: How old are you? Harper: Fourteen. Brad: (handing him the keys) Drive slow.

Mrs. Benson: You know, it is so lonely in the afternoons without Freddie. Spencer: Yeah, it's pretty quiet around here without Carly too. Been doing laundry to help keep my mind off- Mrs. Benson: I can help with your laundry! (reaches into the bin) Spencer: Aw thanks, but seriously, you don't have- Mrs. Benson: (holding up a pair of underwear) Where's your name? Spencer: Huh? Mrs. Benson: In your underpants. You don't have your name sewn into your underpants. Spencer: No...no, I'm a grown man. Mrs. Benson: A grown man who's going to lose his underpants.

Freddie: I think the show looks a little too bright. Can we bring down the lighting just a bit? Brad: Look, it's really not your job to handle the lighting, okay? Freddie: But you said I was gonna be a producer! Brad: Yeah but you gotta work your way up to producing to stuff like lights. Freddie: Okay...So, what can I produce right now? Brad: Why don't you go produce me a toasted bagel with cream cheese?

Brad: Carly...are you in? Carly: A TV show, limos, ribs? I'm not stupid. Yeah I'm in!

Brad: (walking in) Okay everyone, please sit. Take a seat! Mrs. Benson: (squeezing in as Morgan's Dad closes the door) 'Scuse me. I'm Freddie's mother. Brad: Yes...please come in, Mrs. Benson. Mrs. Benson: Oh I will.

Brad: I'm the Head of Development for TVS. We want to turn iCarly into a hit TV show. Will you come with me? Carly: (glances back at Freddie, who nods eagerly) Okay! But, I should probably call my brother Spencer. He's the adult that's responsible- Spencer: (running in with his arms full of fruit) Hey! They picked me up on the way here! In a limo! It's full of fancy sodas and fruits I've never even heard of! (shows them one of the fruits) This is a guava! (slowly) Guava... Students: Guava...

Teacher: And so, the hierarchy of the identification system goes: Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus- Brad: (walking into the classroom) Hi. Teacher: Yes, can I help you? Brad: I've come for Carly Shay and her friends, Sam and Freddie. Teacher: You can't just barge into my classroom and demand to take children away without proper- Brad: I run a television network. Teacher: Oh! Help yourself!

(on the iCarly webcast) Sam: Now we'll see what happens if we pump air into Freddie's pants! Freddie: (from behind the camera) Woah, woah! Wait a second! Carly: Yeah! Pump up da pants!

(on the iCarly webcast) Carly: And now... Sam: We're gonna see what happens when you take an ordinary watermelon... Carly: And pump it full of pressurized air! Sam: Yo yo, pump up da fruit!

(on the iCarly webcast) Carly: Hey! It's me, Carly. Sam: On the other hand, I'm Sam! Carly: And this is iCarly. Sam: Voted the number one web show in the world! Carly: By who? Sam: Me! Carly: Then it's official!