iCarly

Carly: What are you doing here? Principal Franklin: Well, I was at home, watching the iCarly Fiftieth Web Show Spectacular. Congratulations, by the way, my kids and I love your show. Carly: Wow! Sam: Awesome! Principal Franklin: While I was watching, I heard Mr. Howard call me a weak, spineless fool. Mr. Howard: No! No, no, no! I-I said, sweet, stylish...cool!

Mr. Howard: You're all really in trouble now! I am talking suspension! I am talking expulsion! Deportation! And you can all start with five hundred push-ups! (Principal Franklin walks into the room) I don't care what Principal Franklin has to say about it! Principal Franklin: You don't? Mr. Howard: No! I- (turns around) Oh! Oh dear! Prin-Principal...(laughs nervously)

Mr. Howard: (walking into the classroom) HA! A video camera, turtles, burritos? What is going on in here?! Carly: (meekly) The iCarly Fiftieth Web Show Spectacular. (Sam presses audience screaming button)

Carly: (talking to the cap cam) Just hang on. Freddie has a way to get rid of Mr. Howard. Mr. Howard: Hey, no talking to that boy's hat!

Mr. Howard: Somebody gonna confess? Or do you all want to do two hundred push-ups? Sam: Principal Franklin says teachers can't give physical punishments in detention. Mr. Howard: Oh! Principal Franklin. If you ask me, he's not even fit to be charge of this school! He's weak, spineless!

Mr. Howard: (walking into the classroom) Uh huh. Everybody's so innocent! Do I smell burritos? I have a feeling- (notices what's written on the board) Who wrote this?! Who wrote this lie?! Never in my entire life have I eaten one pair of pants!

Sam: Okay! So you got anything else to say to the iCarly fans of the world? Rip Off Rodney: Yeah. I've got a special this week on burritos. (opens up his jacket to reveal a bunch of burritos) Two for six bucks! Carly: And do they contain quality meat? Rip Off Rodney: No they do not!

Mr. Howard: (walking into the classroom) I have ears like a hawk! I distinctly heard laughter! And I hate laughter! Sam: I thought you hated your wife? Mr. Howard: Her too!

(on the iCarly webcast) Sam: Tell them why we got detention! Carly: Cause we're naughty!

(on the iCarly webcast) Carly: I'm Carly! Sam: And I'm Sam! Carly: And maybe you've noticed- Sam: -this isn't our usual iCarly studio. Carly: And if you haven't noticed- Sam: -scrape that crud outta your eyes!

Mr. Howard: (walking into the classroom) I heard noise! What's going on? Sam: Nothing. Carly: We're just sitting here, having a terrible time. (Carly and Sam sigh) Mr. Howard: Good. Just sit here, and DON'T MOVE! (leaves)

Freddie: (at the window on a ladder) Quick, pull me in! Sam: Too late! (pushes the ladder over)

Claire: Carly, what's the signal for Mr. Howard's coming? Carly: Uh, dippity do. Claire: DIPPITY DO!

(in detention) Mr. Howard: Alright, I'll be down the hall in the teachers' lounge, watching the Geometry Channel. While I am gone, there is to be no talking! I hope you have a terrible time! (exits the classroom)

(in detention) Mr. Howard: Now, you are all here because you are the worst this school has to offer! I am here because I believe in punishment and discipline. And I hate you all!

Freddie: You said Howard is almost never in the room 'cause he's watching the Geometry Channel in the teachers' lounge, right? Sam: Yeah. Freddie: So, as soon as he checks roll and leaves, you guys give me a signal, and I'll sneak in the window! Carly: But the classroom's on the second floor. Spencer: (resurfacing from the cup of coffee) You can borrow my ladder! Freddie: Awesome! Spencer: Did I hear you say you got detention? Carly: Yeah. Spencer: Should I be concerned? Carly: Not really.

Carly: Well now what? We're supposed to do the fiftieth webcast of iCarly from detention in five hours and Sam's the only one that's gonna be there! Why's it so hard to get detention?! (turns and slams her locker shut) Mr. Howard: (walking into the hallway) Who slammed that locker?! Carly: Me. Mr. Howard: Detention! Carly: Really? Mr. Howard: Tonight! Carly: Yay! Mr. Howard: Yay? Carly: Darn!

Sam: (about the giant coffee cup Spencer built) Is that thing filled with coffee? Spencer: Oh, just about five hundred gallons! Carly: Spencer, that's crazy! Spencer: Ah, it's okay. It's decaf!

Freddie: How am I gonna get detention in three minutes? Sam: You better, or else no show tonight! Freddie: Wait here. (walks towards Principal Franklin) Principal Franklin: (on his cell phone) I don't mind stopping by Krusty Cream. I- (Freddie takes his phone and throws it on the floor) Principal Franklin: (laughing) You heard I got the new PearPhone! Yup, these babies are indestructible! (bangs the phone against a locker)

Sam: Hey, thanks for that fire alarm. You saved me from giving an oral report on "Scarlet's Web." Carly: You were too lazy to read the book? Sam: I was too lazy to see the movie!

Carly: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible? Freddie: I gotta give you credit, Sam. You make it look easy! Sam: Years of practice!

Carly: (talking to herself about pulling fire alarm) Come on, Carly. It's for the Fiftieth Web Show Spectacular. You can do this! (reaches to pull the alarm twice and hesitates, throws a sandwich at the alarm, then finally throws a banana at it and the alarm goes off) Teacher: (running into the hall) Who pulled that fire alarm?! Carly: It was me!! Teacher: Well, thank goodness you did! The microwave in the teachers' lounge just burst into flame!

(Freddie and Sam sneak into the room) Sam: Dude, this is the principal's office! Freddie: I know, I'm so bad! Look what I did! (pulls up the shades to reveal words painted on the window) Sam: (reading the writing on the window) Freddie says Principal Franklin- Sam & Freddie: sucks eggs! Sam: Impressive! That might get you double detention! Freddie: Yup! When Principal Franklin sees that, you better believe he's gonna- (a maintenance man outside washes the writing off with a hose)

(Carly unscrews the teacher's chair) Teacher: (walking into the room) Alright kids, the sooner we start, the sooner we finish, so everybody, let's take a seat. (sits down, the chair breaks, and she falls to the floor) What happened to my chair?! Carly: (standing up) I did it! With whatever this is. (holds up a tool) Do I get detention? Teacher: (joyfully) Absolutely not. An on-the-job accident means the school has to give me a two month paid vacation while I recover! Bye!(takes her bag and leaves)

Sam: (walking into the room) Hey. Freddie: (nervously) Hello, Sam! Sam: Why do you look all guilty? Freddie: I did something bad! To get detention. Sam: What'd you do? Freddie: You'll see. Mr. Paladino: (walking into the room) Alright class, everyone please sit! Freddie: Hey, Gibby! Go ask Mr. Paladino to staple those together. (hands Gibby a folder) Gibby: What for? Freddie: SHHH, just do it!! (Gibby walks to the front of the classroom) Gibby: (uncertainly) Hey, Mr. Paladino, can you...staple these papers together? Mr. Paladino: Certainly, Gibby. (looking in his desk drawers) That's odd, I don't see the stapler anywhere... Freddie: (taking out the stapler) I have it! Sam: (sarcastically) Wow, you are a maniac!

Freddie: How can we do the show with Mr. Howard watching us the whole time? Sam: He hardly ever comes in the room. He always hangs in the teachers' lounge so he can watch The Geometry Channel. Such a nub! Carly: The nubbiest!

Sam: Hey! What if we kidnap Howard and keep him tied up 'til after the show? Carly: (exasperatedly) Okay, what have I told you about kidnapping? Sam: It's illegal and rude... Carly: Good girl.

Carly: Why'd you have to get detention tomorrow night? Freddie: Yeah! Way to go, Sam. You just ruined iCarly's fiftieth web show spectac- Oh, popcorn!

Teacher: You think just because you're on a popular web show that you deserve some special treatment? Sam: Yeah!

(Carly walks over to Freddie's locker, which is full of electronic devices) Carly: Freddie, you know the school has a strict rule against turning your locker into a time machine. Freddie: It's a surveillance system! Carly: For? Freddie: Someone snuck into my locker yesterday and stole my fruit-scented markers!