iCarly Season 2 Episode 3

(Sam is brought to Principal Franklin's office)
Sam: Principal Franklin... You're looking well. You join a gym?
Carly: (walking in) What happened?
Sam: Carly! Look, Principal Franklin, it is my best friend Carly who loves me and sees the value in me as a person. Right, Carls? Tell the nice man.
Carly: Tell him what?
Sam: I sent you a text.
Carly: Oh. (reading text) Sam did nothing wrong. She didn't do the thing you're mad about. She's not that kind of girf.
Principal Franklin: Girf?
Sam: Girl!
Carly: Well, you wrote girf!

Carly: I'm Carly.
Sam: And I'm Sam.
Carly: And this is iCarly. The only web show that makes you laugh and prevents heart disease.
Sam: So sit back with a pound of bacon and enjoy the show!

(finding out Sam owes Carly and Freddie $526)
Freddie: Are you going to pay us back or what?
Sam: I was, but I didn't know it was gonna be that much.
Carly: So how much do you have?
Sam: Um, let's see. (going through her pockets) I've got 14 bucks, a double A battery, some string, a fork, and I think that's an olive.
Carly: The olive's moving.
(Sam calmly takes a fire extinguisher off the wall and bangs it viciously on the table)
Sam: I got it.

Sam: Hey, can I borrow thirty bucks? I gotta pay a cab driver.
Carly: You took a cab to school?
Sam: I had to. My mom loaned her car to some fisherman and I missed the bus.
Carly: A cab here from your house doesn't cost $30.
Sam: It does when you make the guy stop and buy you a breakfast burrito!

(Sam closes Freddie's laptop on his hand)
Freddie: Ah, you squished my trek pad finger!
Carly: That's not something a cool person says.

Sam: (crying) I had to clean urinals! Boys are so gross!

Freddie: Sam, are those address labels coming along?
Sam: Great. Fine.
Carly: (looking at the computer screen) You're not printing address labels, you're looking at trampolines!
Sam: I'm sorry. I just want one so bad!
Carly: Well, you know when you can have a trampoline?
Sam: When?
Carly: NEVER!

Sam: Can I help you?
Guy: Yeah, I asked for hot sauce and there wasn't no hot sauce on my tray.
Sam: Sorry. (slams a bottle of hot sauce on the counter) Here's some hot sauce!
Guy: You should have put it on my tray in the first place!
Sam: You know where I want to put it right now?!

Spencer: (about selling Fudge Ball) I could help her sell them.
Mother: Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that.
Spencer: Oh, come on! My little sister Carly used to be a Sunshine Girl. I used to help her sell Fudge Balls all the time.
Mother: And you're sure you want to help Emily?
Spencer: How tall is your husband?
Mother: I'm single.
Spencer: I really want to help Emily.